October 31, 2008 11:36 am  |  48 Comments

Links: Drew Gooden’s New Look Has A Name…

Well of course it does.

by Lang Whitaker

Continuing in my longtime unofficial role as a spokeman for Drew Gooden, I contacted him last night about this new look of his. Oh, you know the look. The one pictured.

First of all, I had to admit to Drew that he has outdone himself with this new look. (His response to that: “LOL!”)

Drew’s working with limited real estate, after all, considering his head is basically out of play. (And he had to shave the head — no choice there. There’s a reason his nickname used to be “Recede Wallace.” Oops, Drew’s gonna kill me for putting that out there.)

Anyway, with no hair on his head, all he can do is have fun with the facial hair. Which explains last year’s Beard Challenge with DeShawn Stevenson.

Now that DeShawn has vowed to calm down, however, this leaves Drew a man on an island, albeit an island that appears to have extensive and precise facial grooming products available. And with those tools, this is what Drew has cultivated.

His name for it?

“The Johnny,” Drew emailed.

The Johnny?

“The Johnny. (Like Johnny Depp — Pirates of the Carribbean).”

To me, it looks more like Davy Jones from the same movie series than Capt. Jack Sparrow, but perhaps this is what Drew is trying to teach us: It’s not about at-large perception, it’s about each of us finding our own form of beauty in that which we take in.

Now you know. You may return to your life informed and renewed. That is all.

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This story is filed under: Blogs, NBA, The Links

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  • BETCATS Posted: Oct.31 at 11:40 am
    The Johnny!

  • Eboy Posted: Oct.31 at 11:57 am
    Once the sideburns grow in, it’s gonna be horrible!!!

  • Eboy Posted: Oct.31 at 11:57 am
    Oh, and Lang, do I need to shoot you my address for the contest last week?

  • Lang Whitaker Posted: Oct.31 at 12:00 pm
    Sending out those emails today, eboy.

  • Eboy Posted: Oct.31 at 12:11 pm
    Thank you, sir.

  • NYB Posted: Oct.31 at 12:18 pm
    I love his creativity… I do have to admit it does look a little more like Davy Jones!

  • Sparker Posted: Oct.31 at 12:20 pm
    was there ever a winner declared in the beard challenge?

  • Eboy Posted: Oct.31 at 12:22 pm
    I got my son a fish tank for his birthday and Drew’s beard looks strangely similiar to one of the fake plants I put in it…..a Pirates life indeed.

  • TADOne Posted: Oct.31 at 12:50 pm
    Good God.

  • Z Posted: Oct.31 at 1:04 pm
    Drew Gooden is strange. If he weren’t a pro athlete, he’d be the guy in the office that nobody’s really trying to get to know.

  • awesomepossum Posted: Oct.31 at 1:09 pm
    cosign Z & LOL

  • B. Long Posted: Oct.31 at 1:24 pm
    Someone needs to call animal control.

  • Gumdrop Posted: Oct.31 at 1:50 pm
    Good to know that the NBA is set for the next few years after Scott Pollard retires.

  • LeeVan Posted: Oct.31 at 1:57 pm
    Chin dreads?! C’mon, Drew, you can do better than that.
    “Recede Wallace”, lol. I’m gonna use that one, but first I’ll have to start a rap battle with a balding black man. Anyone know how I can contact Rip Hamilton?

  • Kid Presto Posted: Oct.31 at 2:19 pm
    Momma told me facial hair makes the ladies not want me. She must not know I’m a mothaf*cking playa! slu.

  • Boing Dynasty Posted: Oct.31 at 2:25 pm
    Presto, your swag is questionable.

  • casey Posted: Oct.31 at 2:38 pm
    it’s better than the “reverse soul patch” if you will. what was that!? a tiny square of hair on the base of your neck? uhhhh…NOT sexy.

  • I ride toys Posted: Oct.31 at 2:39 pm
    my facial hair was almost like that minus the dreads..lol the women were telling me go back to your clean look, here at work.

  • BL’s Daily Buckets 10/31/2008 | Posted: Oct.31 at 3:40 pm
    [...] If you haven’t seen it yet, Drew Gooden has a new hairstyle. Its called “The Johnny”. Is he serious? [...]

  • riggs Posted: Oct.31 at 3:51 pm
    it looks like he went crazy on a bowl of chocolate pudding.

  • Bostwik Posted: Oct.31 at 5:25 pm
    The Davy!

  • Mash Posted: Oct.31 at 6:06 pm
    Lang’s obsessed with receding hairlines. After a few years, it’s starting to get childish. Let’s start talking about Lang’s weight…

  • Lang Whitaker Posted: Oct.31 at 6:59 pm
    Once I sign a multi-million dollar deal with SLAM, my weight is free game.

  • Jalepino Sausage Posted: Oct.31 at 7:30 pm
    Ol D B Rocked it better. Those are some dangle-berries. :-)

  • Russ Bengtson Posted: Oct.31 at 7:31 pm
    I had something very similar going on like 10 years ago. Maybe I should sue.

  • How did I not think of this? « indeed, indeed Posted: Oct.31 at 7:35 pm
    [...] How did I not think of this? Via TrueHoop, Drew Gooden used to get called “Recede Wallace.” Awesome. [...]

  • crazy man al Posted: Oct.31 at 7:50 pm
    lyfe jennings anyone?

  • Hursty Posted: Oct.31 at 8:37 pm
    Oh man, at least we’ve got something to keep us entertained over the next while.
    co-sign E 11:57 A.
    Thanks Lang.

  • Bro D. Posted: Oct.31 at 8:46 pm
    It’s better than Nocioni’s Prince Valiant hair cut at least.

  • Tommy Vercetti Posted: Nov.1 at 2:07 am
    This looks creepy.

  • D.Brown Posted: Nov.1 at 2:46 am
    as soon as I watched bulls vs celts n saw Drew’s new do, I thought to myself…….why haven’t I seen anything on slam about this? it is much cooler than the ‘duck tail’

  • Tariq al Haydar Posted: Nov.1 at 7:14 am
    The Johnny? More like The Spider. That thing looks like it’s going to crawl off his face.

  • KA Posted: Nov.1 at 8:19 am
    he actually said LOL? he’s a blerd!

  • Swellhead Posted: Nov.1 at 8:29 am
    Multi-millionaire sportsmen have waaay too much time on their hands.

  • Moose Posted: Nov.1 at 11:48 am
    I was wondering about that . . . thanks, Lang.

  • Amanda Posted: Nov.1 at 1:29 pm
    yuck, more like Scragglepuss of the Mariana Trench

  • Buzzer Beaters :: Hoops Addict Posted: Nov.2 at 12:33 am
    [...] * While watching a Bulls game this week I joked with my girlfriend about the mess of facial hair that Drew Gooden has this season. Instead of laughing, she did a double take and wanted to know what it’s called. It figures, one of the few times she actually asks a question about basketball and I have no clue what the answer is. I was stumped until Lang gave readers the scoop on Gooden’s new facial hair which he’s calling a Johnny and is inspired from Pirates of the Caribbean. [...]

  • Bay Area Posted: Nov.2 at 3:01 am
    At least he cut that patch of hair on the back he had - Bay Area ducktail

  • Dacre Posted: Nov.2 at 10:05 am
    Its the kind of wacked out facial hair combo that you only put on CUSTOM MADE players on NBALive… ^_^

  • joe Posted: Nov.2 at 11:12 am
    The Johnny? I agree with CRAZY MAN AL: The Lyfe Jennings is what is should be called

  • joe Posted: Nov.2 at 11:12 am
    The Johnny? I agree with CRAZY MAN AL: The Lyfe Jennings is what is should be called

  • sankofa Posted: Nov.2 at 10:12 pm
    If each tentacle were a basketball IQ point, he’d be a hell of a ballplayer.

  • BETCATS Posted: Nov.3 at 8:05 am
    he is rockin the cooli beard.

  • BETCATS Posted: Nov.3 at 8:06 am
    *coolio

  • Rip Hamilton Introduces the Use of Grooming, or Lack Thereof, to a Baller’s Advantage Posted: Nov.3 at 8:17 pm
    [...] Hold on, I just realized something: Drew Gooden already figured this out. And I thought he was expressing his respect for the Greek god Posieden. Now if only we could crack the strategic secret of the ducktail. Share and Enjoy: [...]

  • Dacre Posted: Nov.4 at 12:43 am
    the duck tail was his ode to supermans cape…

  • Jake Posted: Nov.4 at 1:32 pm
    It reminds me of Doctor Zoidberg, from Futurama.

  • SLAM ONLINE | » Links: What I’m Thankful For… Posted: Nov.27 at 12:13 am
    [...] 37. The Johnny. [...]

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