Links: A Dozen Points Of Light
Plus, a bonus NBA Friday…
1. Let’s start with a laugh. When I came in yesterday morning, Konate was watching this video and laughing his butt off. Since seeing it, I’ve been laughing, too.
2. Since my grandfather passed I’ve kinda been in a funk, and last night was the first time I’ve just sat and watched hoops in a week or so. I’ve tried to keep my nose in the game, but I’m ready to stick my whole brain back in, starting now.
3. That said, I really enjoyed watching both games last night, although to me that Jazz/Lakers game didn’t seem as entertaining as Cavs/Celts because the refs seemed so vigilant about protecting Kobe. Also, there was a level of ineptitude in that Cavs/Celts game that made it fun to watch. How many times can Ben Wallace fumble a ball? Could LeBron crack Boston’s second half double-teams? I don’t know what shoe company Wally Sexyback endorses, but that company should politely ask him to switch to a competing brand, because he looks like he can barely run out there, and he can’t jump at all. LeBron playing with The LeBrons would have a better chance at winning this series than this Cavs team does.
4. Is it just me, or are the Celtics a hard team to root for? I’m a completely unbiased observer of this series — I could really care less which team wins — but I find myself rooting for Cleveland just because Boston does so much woofing and taunting with even the slimmest of leads. And then there’s the Celtics’ bench, where the players stand for the entire game. That’s cute for a high school team, but this is the NBA, fellas. We know you guys want your team to win. Great. Greg Kite and Jerry Sichting weren’t standing on the sideline in the ’80s, and neither were Robert Horry and Brent Barry last season. Have a seat, please. Or maybe they’re waiting until they win a road game?
5. During the Celts/Cavs game last night, I also came up with a bunch of a-alikes. I don’t have time to do the pictures of each one, but here: Referee Tony Brothers and Eddie Munster; Paul Pierce and Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show; Elijah Wood and Sasha Pavlovic; Leon Powe and either Jason Richardson or Michael Irvin (or both). And then there’s the usual suspects: Big Baby and Fat Albert; Anderson Varejao and Sideshow Bob; Mike Brown and Grimace; Wally Sexyback and Zoolander; Delonte West and the guy from Prison Break.
6. OK, time for one picture: Paul Pierce and Beet. It’s the head shape and posture more than anything. And, obviously, Pierce has nothing on Beet’s grill. (I asked about five people here at work if it was too mean to post that picture, and they all said yes, but only after they stopped laughing. I’m not out to hurt P-Double’s feelings, just make you guys laugh. Hopefully you did.)
7. Anyone see Danny Ainge awarded The Sporting News Executive Of The Year trophy? That thing was about the size of an ashtray. Guess we shouldn’t be surprised that The Sporting News is behind it. Then again, if SLAM sponsored that award I’d lobby to present Ainge with an embroidered towel, presented by Robert Horry.
8. Oh, and I can’t believe I didn’t get to really talk about Hawks GM Billy Knight resigning. I’ve read so many completely wrong thoughts and theories online, but from what I know, the Hawks wanted to keep BK and he didn’t want to stay. That’s really all it boils down to. So now they need a new GM, and he’ll be the one to make a call on Mike Woodson’s future. I also read on a message board that the Hawks had signed David Anderson, which is completely untrue — they haven’t even made him an offer. But I guess that’s what message boards are for.
9. If you don’t know, now you know. I speak of this. What a game. Susan asked me yesterday what you do in the game, and I couldn’t even begin to describe it, so instead I told her that the night before I’d played for about an hour and had spent the entire time running around Brooklyn doing some errands for my cousin. The best of those errands had been going to collect a protection fee from a local businessman who refused to pay up. So I went around a corner and picked up a brick from a vacant lot, then went back to the business and threw the brick through the store’s plate glass window. At which point the businessman promptly emerged and paid up. I also went on a date with a local woman and took her to Coney Island to go bowling. We bowled three frames before I got bored with the bowling and we left. As we walked out, she said something like, “Aw, I was enjoying that, I wish we didn’t have to leave so early.” I wished I could’ve made my character say, “You want to be with me, you better get used to it, woman.”
To see just how realistic the game is, check out this set of photos made by someone with too much time on their hands. They took screenshots from the game then went around and took similar photos all over NYC.
10. Dan LeBatard wrote a guest post yesterday on The Big Lead and hit a home run, explaining the differences in old media and new media and how the sports journalism world is shifting.
I particularly enjoyed this passage…
But you know what happens when old people try to figure out what young people want and can’t? “Who’s Now?” happens. Or we just become entrenched and stubborn and resistant to change, the way newspapers have been for years, and we continue to cover hockey and write games stories the way we always have instead of covering the mixed-martial arts and even pro wrestling the way we should. We are older people telling younger people what they should like and then acting surprised when you mock it or rebel against it. Newspapers aren’t giving you what you want. We are telling you what you should want, and you are doing an exceptional job of ignoring us.
He couldn’t be more correct, at least when it comes to ESPN and the bigger outlets. Case in point: I can’t remember the last time I sat down and watched SportsCenter. A few years ago I tired of all the ranting and raving, so I just gave up. If I want to see highlights of something, I’ll either watch them online or maybe on ESPN News, although even that channel is starting to go they way of SportsCenter and feature more talking heads and gimmicks. I mean, wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a show with just sports news and highlights?
Anyway, one day last week the Braves played a day game that I didn’t get to see because I was here at work. I had followed along on the internet, though, and I knew the Braves had won a hard-fought game on a walk-off single to win their sixth game in a row. And I wanted to see the highlight of this happening.
I got home from work at 6:15 p.m., went over and plopped down in front of the TV and flipped on SportsCenter. I watched SportsCenter from 6:20 until 7:00 p.m., when the NBA Playoffs came on, and didn’t see any highlights from the Braves game. There was plenty of talk about all kinds of stuff, from the NBA to the Yankees (surprise!), but no highlights from a game that had ended about 90 minutes prior with a key walk-off single.
I haven’t watched SportsCenter since. They can hire Hannah Storm or Walter Cronkite, but they just lost one former die-hard viewer for a while.
11. With all my travels and such over the last week, I missed last Friday’s edition of NBA Friday with our man Joel Kimmel, the official illustrator of The Links.
“I started the season with an NBA Friday schedule where I planned to paint the best teams last and the worst teams first, according to how well I thought they would do,” says Joel. “I made a couple big mistakes where I painted New Orleans too early and Miami too late. I’m a fan of the Phoenix Suns so I was hoping to paint them last, but with their early playoff exit I had to arrange the schedule to fit them in. I decided to paint Amare.”
“I painted this piece following the shape and design of a basketball key where Amare’s portrait is in the circle at the top of the key. The two large cacti make up the sides of the key, the two birds are the two hash marks below the free throw line and the sun is the half-circle marking the restricted area for drawing charges. I thought it would all work nicely with an Arizona landscape.”
Awesome, as always.
12. Finally, I leave you with the illest rapper alive, Mr. Eli Porter
58 Responses to “Links: A Dozen Points Of Light”
May.15 at 2:56 pm
Ben Osborne says:
Lang with a vintage performance. Only correction is that I seem to remember those mid-80’s Celtic teams totally standing and waving towels. Certainly ML Carr, but the likes of Schicting and Kite, too. Maybe these Celtics are trying to be as unlikable as that bunch.
May.15 at 3:00 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
They didn’t stand for 48 minutes, though.
May.15 at 3:01 pm
TADOne says:
Co-sign Lang on the Celtics. They are boorish. Them newscasters were enjoying that clip WAY too much. Then again, I have watched 3 times already.
May.15 at 3:03 pm
Bigi says:
Eli!!!!!!!!!!!!
May.15 at 3:08 pm
Sparker says:
i’m going to paint that on the side of my van
May.15 at 3:14 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
eli porter is my man..
May.15 at 3:17 pm
Steve says:
On the Beetlejuice front, it is in fact NOT cruel to post that picture of Beet because of as of recently he set himself up with a fine new pair of regular looking teeth. He often loses them, yes, but the teeth in that picture are no longer there.
May.15 at 3:27 pm
what says:
Probably Joel Kimmel’s best picture.
May.15 at 3:30 pm
Krishan says:
I’M THE BEST MAN I DID IT
May.15 at 3:31 pm
Krishan says:
And LOL at Rosie’s bisexual bridal shower, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
May.15 at 3:35 pm
Matt Caputo says:
B-Juice is P-Pierce’s pops.
May.15 at 3:51 pm
B. Long says:
Eli Porter is the truth!!! and The Truth is B-Juice….
May.15 at 3:54 pm
nic says:
while the model falling was funny in and of itself, the anchors just FALLING OUT really totally made my day. big up, lang and konate - great lookin out!
May.15 at 3:56 pm
dOnRummY says:
Mike Brown and Grimace - YES!
May.15 at 4:22 pm
Sekou Smith says:
Anthony Johnson doesn’t appreciate you assigning B-Juice to another NBA player homey. What is this Maury? “B-Juice, you are not the father of Anthony Johnson. But you are Paul Pierce’s baby daddy.” That’s foul. As for the model chic not being able to do the one and only thing required of models … Top Model just called and Tyra wants her shoes back. NO WORDS for Eli Porter. NONE!
May.15 at 4:23 pm
Dirtybird says:
Go Eli!
May.15 at 4:27 pm
tealish says:
Now THIS is a good drawing. The Iverson one didn’t resemble him, but this one is bang on - awesome.
May.15 at 4:34 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Sekou Smith? Like, the REAL Sekou Smith?
May.15 at 4:46 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
That can’t be the real Sekou Smith because all the words are spelled correctly…actually just checked the login and it’s the real S-E-K-O-U.
May.15 at 4:51 pm
RV says:
they all have been good drawings, its just a lot easier to draw a face realistically when its a larger size
May.15 at 5:01 pm
G Diesel says:
Lang, the only reason you can’t root for the Celtics is because they just eliminated your Hawks. If you’re true fan there is no way you can root for a team that just knocked out your team.
May.15 at 5:03 pm
Co Co says:
I can’t root for the Celtics cuz they’re in Boston.
May.15 at 5:13 pm
G Diesel says:
And also, because they’re the #1 seed, everybody wants an upset.
May.15 at 5:31 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
this just in: co co hates all things boston. this includes clam chowder, crispus attucks, harvard co-eds and matt damon. espcially matt damon.
May.15 at 5:32 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
Sekou! what up dog?
May.15 at 5:39 pm
Eboy says:
Crispus Attucks is underrated.
May.15 at 5:46 pm
poohbiz says:
gta IV is sick! glad to see you’re playing too lang
how far have you gotten?
May.15 at 6:17 pm
Gumdrop says:
Regarding the a-likes, has anyone realized that Danny Ainge is starting to look exactly like Super-Dave Osbourne?
May.15 at 6:22 pm
Co Co says:
Khalid, I LOVE Matt Damon! Seriously! But all other things Boston, not so much!
May.15 at 6:27 pm
G Diesel says:
Co Co, are you Sarah Silverman in disguise?
May.15 at 6:51 pm
Co Co says:
Haha!
May.15 at 7:05 pm
B. Long says:
Boston really does have some easy to hate teams. Pats,Celts, but who doesn’t love the Red Sox? Manny and Papi are the real Truth.
May.15 at 7:14 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
Actually, I usually cheer for teams that beat my team in the Playoffs because it makes my team look better. If the Celts barely beat the Hawks and then win the title, don’t the Hawks look better than if the Celts beat us and then get knocked out in the next round?
May.15 at 7:19 pm
kevingarnett says:
Lang I hate the idiots on sportscenter too, but did you ever consider that sportscenter begins at 6 and they probably covered the braves game at the top of the show?
May.15 at 7:29 pm
Co Co says:
I love Manny, but as a Yankees fan I cannot accurately describe my hate for the Red Sox with words.
May.15 at 8:20 pm
RV says:
Looks like AK doesn’t expect to be in the finals this yr, he missed practice to get his visa straightened out for a family summer trip, had he not gone today he would have had to wait another month
May.15 at 8:44 pm
Aussie Pride says:
G’day Lang, in regards to number 8. i think the Hawks might be talking about Big Ausssie David Anderson who was drafted by them a couple of seasons ago and is currently playing with CSKA Moscow.
May.15 at 9:11 pm
Double R says:
Lang, I have been saying for a while now that Leon Powe looks like Jason Richardson’s little brother or something. I thought that GTAIV link was a link to a demo. I waited two minutes waiting for it to load.
May.16 at 4:13 am
sizzle says:
I totally agree with the Sportscenter and the gimmicks being too much which is why I am glad Canada has The Score. Anyways if your ever in Canada, The Score is nothing but highlights and sports news. It even comes with three tickers for convenience. I myself cannot live without it, but check it out next time you are in the great white.
May.16 at 4:47 am
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
I agree the Celts are starting to look obnoxious lately. However, I disagree with the standing thing: it’s nice that an NBA team shows some enthusiasm for a change.
May.16 at 5:35 am
Froggiestyle says:
Lang, you tryin to get me fired or what? Hysterical laughter at work does not a happy boss make. Eli and Beet in the same post? Those 2 should go on the road together, I’d pay dollars to see them throw down.
May.16 at 6:08 am
KA says:
im just posting because i just came up with a nick for dwight, check it…HOWITZER HOWARD!!! huh? huh? huh? whatdja think? huh?
May.16 at 6:11 am
Tariq says:
Obviously, I’m in the minority, but I’d like to see Boston win a chip, just because I want KG (and AI, if possible) to win a ring before he retires. But it’s been tough to root for them not because they’ve been annoying, but because they haven’t been playing very well in the playoffs. Cassell should not play anymore in this series, and Ray-Ray should start using steroids or something.
May.16 at 6:14 am
Tariq says:
Also, regarding the lookalikes: Sasha Pavlovic doesn’t look like Elijah Wood, he IS Elijah Wood. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen the two of them in the same place at the same time. Also, I’ve never seen Stedman, the guy who’s married to Oprah Winfrey, but I’m pretty sure he looks a lot like Mike Brown.
May.16 at 6:16 am
Tariq says:
I say “also” and “pretty sure” too much.
May.16 at 6:20 am
Eboy says:
KA, Mr. Ryan Jones trademarked Da’Howitzer earlier in the season.
May.16 at 8:38 am
Eboy says:
Lang at his best. The Celtics analogy is so right.
May.16 at 10:55 am
ciolkstar says:
I really can’t root for the Celts either. I’ve been a huge KG fan ever since he came in the Lig, but I just can’t get behind him as a celtic. I’m sick of Boston winning everything as well, although I am a Red Sawx fan (Manny and Big Papi ARE the truth.) Kg’s antics were endearing when he was lifting an otherwise useless team on his shoulders and trying to win. He’s just sort of an assh0le now on a “superteam”, although Rondo is pretty much their third best player. I never really liked ray ray but he’s been awful. And all the BS about needing to do a better job working him into offense is garbage, he consistently bricks WIDE OPEN looks. I really really need Bron to take them boys out.
May.16 at 12:26 pm
Esco says:
Now walk it out, now walk it out, now walk it out, now walk it out…
May.16 at 12:47 pm
Young Chris #3 says:
So my friend introduced me to ibeatyou.com, and Steve Nash, Agent Zero, and Baron Davis are all on there challenging internet users and each other alike. Jess Alba’s on there. It’s pretty incredible. How has Slam not covered this yet?
May.16 at 2:56 pm
Parsons says:
Jay-z can now retire MR ELI forever!!!!
May.16 at 5:38 pm
ALLRIGHTS says:
Nice Links, Lang. I think we can most agree that the Celts are an easy team to dislike. Always have been… I don’t see any ballers over there taking them to the promise land, unless Paul Pierce takes over every game in the 4th… The fact is, Ray and KG are not closers… Pistons vs. Lakers in the Finals.
May.16 at 5:53 pm
bendreizehn says:
…man that’s fu.ked up, makin’ fun of retarded peeps…can’t feel that!!!
May.16 at 6:47 pm
davidR says:
avery johnson & stitch
May.17 at 3:27 am
Hursty says:
I always though it was just plain old seasting….
May.17 at 11:11 pm
Melanie says:
Eli wuz robbed!!!
May.19 at 1:45 am
P.Slight says:
Eli spit hot fire & yes he was robbed, but why was Marv-O caressing J-Dub in such a possessive manner?
May.20 at 9:06 am
Dacre says:
how is it that the boston celtics arent getting fined or ejected for standing up dog??!
I hate on stern right now.