Links: I’m Wearing A Bag On My Head
Hawks/Celts Game 2 Notes…
Game Two notes…
• For some reason I’m not as fired up tonight as I was for Game One. At one point during Game One, I was so fired up and yelling so vehemently at the TV that Wifey had to ask me to please not have a heart attack. The Hawks seem equally spiritless. Although, I’m guessing the Hawks didn’t have two dirty martinis at dinner tonight. Then again…
• In a way, Mike Bibby was right, because as great as these Celtics are, they aren’t the same as the Celts of old. Those teams — at least the teams in the ’80s when I was coming up and they were beating my Hawks like a drum — those teams were largely homegrown squads that weren’t just interested in winning one or two titles, they wanted to win a dozen rings. These Celts have nearly turned into the Pats and Red Sox, a bunch of highly paid guys brought together for a shot at a title, only to eventually retire and leave the franchise cupboard bare. I’m not hating (I would love it if the Hawks did the same thing), just pointing it out.
• After Game One’s Boston-based officiating crew of wily veteran refs, tonight we get a group of relative youngsters: Joe DeRosa, Bill Spooner and Ed Malloy…and a foul on Pierce early! Love it!
• What’s with all the smoke in the Garden? Did they recreate the American Revolution just before tipoff? I understand that the fireworks and stuff looks cool, but maybe there’s a way to do introductions where you can actually see the players afterwards?
• Josh Smith gets in the air, falls and lands hard right on Pierce’s head! Doc Rivers claims it was a flagrant foul. I guess he thinks Josh fell over flagrantly? Pierce immediately checks out for Dick Stockton’s favorite Celtic, Sam Posey. This isn’t good for Boston.
• Celtics fans are booing loudly every time Bibby touches the ball, though its hard to hear their boos through the bags on their heads.
• 5-5, 3 minutes in. Sam Posey bricks a three. On an inbounds play, Smoove tomahawks down the middle with his right.
• Joe Johnson picks up 2 quick fouls and comes out of the game. Our chances to win leave with him.
• 7:33 to go in the first, KG picks up something off floor and puts it in his mouth. Gross.
• According to Dick Stockton, Marvis Williams just turned it over. Then Kendrick Perkins steps on the out of bounds line while unguarded on an inbounds play for a turnover. Then Rondo fouls Bibby on a J. Celts look unfocused early, which is great for us.
• TNT gives us a shot of one of Boston’s most famous celebrities: Michael Bivins is in the house, unidentified by Stockton or Fratello. Cool it now, fellas.
• With 6:11 left in the first, C’s are up 11-9 and Perk gets his 2nd foul.
• 5:20 left and a T.O. Boston is up 13-9. Josh Smith needs to sit on KG’s head, too.
• I wish ESPN would ambush Sam Cassell and find out his real age.
• Horford gets his second foul early after a convincing flop by Leon Powe. I can hear Manu Ginobili cheering the play all he way from San Antonio.
• Boston gets a dunk from Rondo to go ahead 15-9. The Boston fans momentarily take the bags off their heads and wave them around, then put them back on.
• Acie Law! I wasn’t even sure he was still on the team. And he turns it over right away. 17-9.
• Trailing by 8, the Hawks inexplicably run a play for Zaza, who passes it to nobody on the other end of the court. Turnover. Mike Woodson borrows a bag from a Boston fan and puts it on his head. I wish they’d put JJ back in because he never passes to Zaza.
• Ray Allen for 3. Boston is on a 15-2 run. “Marvis” Williams dunks on Powe to make it 20-11. Marv’s no Chris Paul, but he’s no Sam Bowie either. Marv hits 2 FTs and makes it 22-15.
• Law uses Rondo and Sam Cassell comes to the table to check in. Powe shoves Zaza out of bounds so PJ Brown can get a rebound, and somehow Acie Law is called for a touch foul. That’s fair. DeRosa is right there and calls nothing. Ed Malloy makes the call against Acie from halfcourt. The NBA is amazing sometimes. PJ makes both FTs to make it 24-17.
• With 1.1 left in the quarter, Zaza makes a layup and gets the and 1. Hawks end the first down 24-20. Not a terrible showing, considering Horford and JJ are in foul trouble and Bibby is playing like he’s trying to do a shot-for-shot remake of his Game 1 performance.
• Hey, TNT has a series that apparently stars Kyra Sedgewick as The Closer.
• Between quarters, Cheryl Miller catches up with an unusually affable Mike Woodson. Woody says Law is a better matchup with Rondo than Bibby because he has “a bigger body.” Also because Rondo hasn’t been lighting him up thus far.
• Leon Powe seems to have been taking free throw lessons from Shaq. He’s shooting 42 percent for the series. Why aren’t we playing Hack-a-Powe?
• Cassell and Law trade jumpers to make it 26-22. Cassell is then able to ginobili Acie Law and he gets two FTs, 28-22 Boston. We get a shot of a disheveled Danny Ainge in the crowd. The Hawks shoulda brought back Tree Rollins to bite him.
• Law and Cassell trade buckets again, then Cassell misses another jumper. Cassell is getting some shots up. Then he shoots again. He’s been in 2 minutes and is already 3 for 5.
• TNT shows Cassell’s stats and on the bottom of the screen it says “Dockers Looking Good Today.” I don’t think Dockers are going to help Cassell’s looks that much, unless they’re magic Dockers. Celts up 34-24.
• Hawks go small with Bibby and Acie. JJ is in at the 3 and he drills a fadeaway. We need JJ soething awful.
• Pierce returns after separating his neck and catches at the free throw line and shoves Bibby with his right arm to create space. Bibby recovers, gets back on him and PP shoves him again, this time using the ball like a battering arm to make even more space, and then he hits Powe underneath and he’s fouled. Ed Malloy witnesses Pierce bullying Bibby but makes no call. Thanks, Ed! Powe makes one, Boston up 35-26.
• JJ gets an and one. Thankfully Bill Spooner was the ref nearest the play because he’s not afraid to make a call against Boston. 35-29, Boston.
• Bibby hands the ball to Pierce, and Boston gets a 3 to go up 11.
• Hawks go back to full court D. Allen drains a 3 from the corner while Bibby stands six feet away and admires his form.
• Horford has all of two points tonight. Horford and JJ double Perkins, who spins away for a dunk. 46-31, Boston.
• JJ gets 2 fts to make it 48-35. Rondo scores over Bibby. 11 turnovers thus far for ATL. Marv hits 2 fts to make it 50-37.
• KG gets an open dunk after the Hawks have a breakdown on D. The Hawks have had more breakdowns than the air conditioning in the SLAM Dome.
• 2:27 left in the half. The Hawks turn it over and steal it back, and Marvis drives into KG, who’s standing inside inside the semicircle. No call as Mr. Malloy looks on. KG slips him a 10 spot after Marv misses the layup he got hacked on.
• Perk plows over Smoove for his third foul. Might have been a make-up call. Thank you, Bill Spooner.
• The Hawks are handling the ball tonight like there’s dog sh*t on it.
• Pierce, who hasn’t looked well ever since Josh Smith sat on his head, heads to the locker room early, He’s still got 8 points. Posey whiffs on a three and Powe tries a two that
Smoove throws into the stands. That shot was powe.
• Big Baby checks in and tries to take a bite of Josh Smith. Smoove hits 1 and it looks like the Hawks will go into the half down 52-40. Then Smoove draws foul with .8 left and gets two free throws to make it 52-42 at half. Considering JJ and Horford have a combined 9 points and Bibby has only 6, and that Boston is shooting 50 percent from the floor, being down 10 actually isn’t so bad.
• The third quarter begins and J-Smoove pins a shot from Perk. Perk is a feast! At least to Josh Smith. Then Bibby misses a 3, KG gets a dunk and Hawks are down 13 again.
• TNT introduces former Celtics great Jojo White to the broadcast, and Horford immediately gets a 2. Maybe Jojo will jinx Boston. What follows is a long, strange and uninteresting interview with Jojo White. Blah, blah, blah, the Celtics are the greatest franchise ever. Dick Stockton said, “Garnett is a true Celtic, isn’t he Jojo?” Well, considering KG’s played all of 83 career games with Boston, he’s definitely a true Celtic.
• Jojo is going on and on. I never saw him play, but I’d have loved to have seen Dominique dunk on him.
• Boston’s up 20 with 3:07 left in the 3rd. The Hawks are unable to do anything productive. Acie Law was just late rotating on defense. I saw it coming and was punching the couch before Boston even swung the ball to the wide open shooter. The Hawks are so much better than this that it’s hurting me to watch this.
• We see Danny Ainge again. Every time I see him, I think about when Russ and I saw him at the airport on our way to the All-Star Game in Atlanta back in 2003…
FRIDAY, FEB. 9, 2003
When I woke, at 6:00 a.m., snow was piled up on my roof, at least three inches deep. I immediately called the airport, and was told our plane was still on time. I hung up and put in a call to Russ Bengtson, SLAM’s editor-in-chief, to make sure he was awake. He was.By 6:45, as I stood around waiting for Russ to roll through and pick me up, the snow was piled in the streets, getting gully in the gutters. We still made it out to LaGuardia pretty quickly. We’d been in line for maybe ten minutes when my main man Shandon Anderson came rolling in, wearing a beige sweatsuit, a plain baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. He booked it for the first class line, where he settled in behind Craig Sager and Danny Ainge, who was wearing a colorful McDonald’s Open 1993 leather jacket with a huge Phoenix Suns logo on the back, the orange collar turned up. At least he wasn’t trying to draw any attention to himself.
As we hit the security checkpoint, Ainge, who has no idea who I am, suddenly cut me off. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly, but still not stopping to let me back in ahead of him. “You should’ve said, ‘Tree Rollins wasn’t,’” Russ noted. I was also hoping that when they passed out the warm towels in first class, a crafty stewardess would recognize Ainge and throw the towel in his face.
• Mike Bibby kind of looks like a photo negative of Spencer from “The Hills.”
• Hawks are down 16 early in the fourth. Mike Woodson has in his F*ck It lineup: Acie, Chillz, Horford, Zaza and JJ.
• 8:39 left and James Posey takes out Josh Smith on a dunk attempt. It wasn’t the most vicious foul of all time but Posey is called for a flagrant 1. The Celtics argue vehemently. I guess they can’t believe Posey would ever foul someone hard…
• With the Celts in control, Big Baby, played tonight by Kenan Thompson, checks in. This reminds me of when I was in high school and our team would get a big lead and the coach would put me into the game along with four of our starters. Realistically, how much trouble could I cause when four great players had my back? Same holds true for Big Baby.
• Big Baby pump fakes Bibby. Bibby lands atop him and rides him to the ground, like a rowboat on top of a whale. When the Celts are in ATL, the Hawks fans should go, “Hey Hey, Hey!” whenever Big Baby goes to the free throw line.
• Big Baby is the Celts’ version of El Guapo. Play with it…
• The Hawks have their starters in with 7 minutes left and they can’t do anything. 86-67.
• KG gets fired up about something and he runs to halfcourt and shows all the Boston fans his nipple. They give him a standing ovation. That was weird. They must’ve thought they were at a Patriots or Red Sox game.
• And that’s it. The Celts dominate the Hawks, 96-77. Bleh.
60 Responses to “Links: I’m Wearing A Bag On My Head”
Apr.24 at 3:13 pm
Eboy says:
Two dirty martinis? Who are you Lang, Tony Stark?
Apr.24 at 3:13 pm
Ryan Jones says:
“For some reason I’m not as fired up tonight as I was for Game One.” I believe we can pinpoint that reason as “reality, long-overdue, finally setting in.”
Sticking with your team is admirable, Lang, but you know they’re only playing this series to meet the contractual obligations of their TV deal. Some things are over before they start. This series was over a little before that.
Apr.24 at 3:24 pm
Eboy says:
Lang, these are the best game notes of the post season so far. “What’s with all the smoke in the Garden? Did they recreate the American Revolution just before tipoff?” “The Hawks are handling the ball tonight like there’s dog sh*t on it” “When the Celts are in ATL, the Hawks fans should go, “Hey Hey, Hey!” whenever Big Baby goes to the free throw line”
Classic sh*t, Lang!
Apr.24 at 3:27 pm
Co Co says:
Lang, I feel your pain.
Apr.24 at 3:27 pm
Eboy says:
Poor Co Co.
Apr.24 at 3:32 pm
Co Co says:
My confidence has not faltered for real Eboy. I believe the same ish that the Suns, Mavs, Raps, Wiz and Nuggets believe. All they did was take care of home court…… Ha!
Apr.24 at 3:38 pm
Co Co says:
Lang you forgot to mention that Dick Stockton called Al Tito at least 3 times.
Apr.24 at 3:41 pm
d.Y. says:
Right CoCo, and the Sixers have “stolen home court advantage” too.
Apr.24 at 3:42 pm
Eboy says:
Co Co, I love you to death, but you are way out there lady, like really way out, like Cobb county out.
Apr.24 at 3:44 pm
Diesel says:
This summer’s #1 new drama, The Closer. Ainge got with the times and finally sprung for an 8- ball leather jacket with the american flag on the sleeves.
Apr.24 at 3:44 pm
Co Co says:
If the teams I mentioned can believe that I can too.
Apr.24 at 3:44 pm
Tariq says:
I don’t think any Atlanta fans, including Lang, were fired up before Game 1 because they actually believed, even a little, that they could win the series. It’s more a case of being excited by the novelty of actually watching the Hawks in a Playoff. That wore off quickly.
Apr.24 at 3:47 pm
Co Co says:
No Tariq, you’re wrong.
Apr.24 at 3:48 pm
Eboy says:
That’s really nothing new, Co Co.
Apr.24 at 3:49 pm
Tariq says:
And I agree with you, Lang, about the diff between the Celts of yore and these C’s. But I don’t think it’s possible to assemble teams like those old Laker and Celtic squads anymore. I mean, an expansion team pops up every other equinox and Rashard Lewis gets a max contract. Good luck getting a guy like Dennis Johnson to be your 26th option in this sort of environment.
Apr.24 at 3:51 pm
Tariq says:
Co Co: Please elaborate. Am I wrong because there are those who believe(d) the Hawks could pull off the upset, or am I wrong because the novelty hasn’t worn off yet?
Apr.24 at 3:53 pm
Tariq says:
Co Co: Oh, I went back and read your comments. I see that you still have hope for your Hawks, which really surprises me. I kinda admire you for that, actually. Just so you know, I really hope they don’t get swept because I LOVE Josh Smith.
Apr.24 at 3:54 pm
Tariq says:
I should have said I HEART Josh Smith.
Apr.24 at 3:55 pm
Tariq says:
Eboy: F*ck you very much.
Apr.24 at 3:56 pm
Co Co says:
LOL Tariq.
Apr.24 at 4:00 pm
Eboy says:
I swear Tariq has Torrets.
Apr.24 at 4:01 pm
whooo! says:
so lang, do you think there’d be any team in the league taht can get better calls than the celtics in a head-to-head?
Apr.24 at 4:01 pm
whooo! says:
and just to clarify, my question’s not in a sarcastic way, but in all seriousness. i can’t think of any.
Apr.24 at 4:04 pm
Ryan Jones says:
“Tourette,” Eboy.
Apr.24 at 4:05 pm
Tariq says:
Eboy: I do have Tourette’s Syndrome, but it’s a very rare type of Tourette’s, where the only known symptoms are: you become able to actually spell and punctuate. Catch it.
Apr.24 at 4:08 pm
Ryan Jones says:
No need for the ” ’s ” Tariq. I only point this out since you’re bragging about your punctuation skills.
Apr.24 at 4:11 pm
Cheryl says:
well, at least the Suns won’t get a lottery pick, huh Hawks fans? That’s what this is all about, no?
Apr.24 at 4:14 pm
Silky Slim says:
The Hawks may get lucky enough to accidentally win one game this series. I can hear EJ starting up the fishing boat in the TNT studio!
Apr.24 at 4:15 pm
Eboy says:
I actually could give a fu*k about those shrieking bastards, so take your misspellings and shove them up your as*es.
Apr.24 at 4:16 pm
Tariq says:
Tourette syndrome (also called Tourette’s syndrome, Tourette’s disorder, Gilles de la Tourette syndrome, GTS or, more commonly, simply Tourette’s or TS) is an inherited neuropsychiatric disorder with onset in childhood, characterized by the presence of multiple physical (motor) tics and at least one vocal (phonic) tic; these tics characteristically wax and wane. Tourette’s is defined as part of a spectrum of tic disorders, which includes transient and chronic tics.
Apr.24 at 4:18 pm
Tariq says:
Silky Slim: I actually picked the Celts in 5. Could have been wishful thinking though.
Apr.24 at 4:18 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I pretended every “Acie” mention in this piece indicated Acie Earl rather than Acie Law. Definitely made it even more entertaining.
Apr.24 at 4:18 pm
Tariq says:
Eboy: I love you.
Apr.24 at 4:21 pm
Tariq says:
“I don’t think Dockers are going to help Cassell’s looks that much, unless they’re magic Dockers.” Lang has a very dry sense of humor which is pleasing to the senses.
Apr.24 at 4:23 pm
Ryan Jones says:
And coprolalia, which eboy refers to, is found only in a tiny percentage of people with Tourette Syndrome.
Apr.24 at 4:26 pm
Ryan Jones says:
As opposed, say, to the much higher percentage of New Jersey-born guidos who listen to bad hair metal. That’s, like, 60 percent.
Apr.24 at 4:26 pm
Eboy says:
F*CK!!!
Apr.24 at 4:26 pm
Tariq says:
Ryan: Do you know all this because of Tim Howard or your superhuman intelligence, or a bit of both?
Apr.24 at 4:28 pm
Eboy says:
Enjoy yourself, Jay Leno.
Apr.24 at 4:29 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Both. Neither. Sort of. Ask Khalid, Russ and Susan how annoying it was to sit in the same room with me all those years…
Apr.24 at 4:42 pm
Young Chris #3 says:
So what is Mike Bibby going to say to the Atlanta media after they get dominated in game 3? “Well, we know we don’t have a chance against this team. None of the teams do this year. But the Hawks fans that are in attendence for these playoffs should stay home because they weren’t here during the regular season, and those that were weren’t last year. Atlanta is full of bandwagon hoppers.”
Apr.24 at 4:50 pm
what says:
These game notes were some funny sh*t. Love how Boston fans can get excited over a nipple. Fire Woodson.
Apr.24 at 4:56 pm
TADOne says:
Ryan is like that annoying co-worker who you invite to the BBQ’s only because he usually has good jokes.
Apr.24 at 5:06 pm
Jack says:
Garnett hasn’t played 83 games for Boston, has he? He missed games with injury at some point?
Apr.24 at 5:41 pm
John D says:
Once again, more complaining about the officiating even though there was a 40-26 free throw discrepancy in favor of the Hawks and 6 or 7 sketchy off the ball fouls called on the Celtics. Forget to add that part in there? Looks like you need another excuse.
Apr.24 at 5:50 pm
Lou says:
ESPN should ambush Sam Cassell and find out what planet he’s from.
Apr.24 at 5:51 pm
Maurice Garland says:
my eyes were welling watching this game. and the “affable” mike woodson is killing me man, m*h f*cka act mad during the timeouts! stop smiling for the camera d*ckhead. he has them so unprepared its pitiful. i mean, we aint out there playing scared, we throw elbows and talk back, but we are so unprepared. I can deal with overwhelmed, but unprepared, no. damn im angry. i cant even talk anymore. oh yeah, you brought back memories with that Ainge/Tree reference. I was actually Live At the Omni for that game.
Apr.24 at 5:56 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
@Jack: You’re right…he’s played 71 games.
Apr.24 at 6:22 pm
FLUXLAND says:
@ EBoy “Lang, these are the best game notes of the post season so far.” I was going to type the same .. I share the sentiment. Great work, Langmeister!
Too many to pick from but my fav was the opening/intro and “shows all the Boston fans his nipple. They give him a standing ovation. That was weird.” ROFL
Apr.24 at 6:34 pm
The Facilitator: 4/24/08 « commaPause says:
[…] I had planned on writing about the Celtics continued desecration of all things Hawks, but found that a slightly drunk Lang Whitaker, author of Slam Online’s The Links and a die hard Hawks fan, did a more than suitable job. A taste of his hilarious article (read the rest of his game notes here):“What’s with all the smoke in the Garden? Did they recreate the American Revolution just before tipoff? I understand that the fireworks and stuff looks cool, but maybe there’s a way to do introductions where you can actually see the players afterwards?” […]
Apr.24 at 6:52 pm
FLUXLAND says:
Perhaps the key to Lang’s success is, like some great song writers and scribes, intoxication. Who knew? Drink up Sir, drink up! J/K.
Apr.24 at 6:56 pm
Randy Brown says:
These game notes made me rofl, unfortunately not literally. That is all
Apr.24 at 7:33 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
The only thing I was drunk with was anger.
Apr.24 at 7:37 pm
Nick says:
Lang, i’m trying to get tickets for game 4 (which may involve shirking some final exams, but hey, priorities). If the tix do come through, your fat albert chant will be obliged. In the interest of fairness, though, I intend to give Zaza my old pair of jumpsoles, inform mike bibby that i am a bandwagon atlanta hawks fan, kick billy knight in the shins, and bring Woody a Kid n’ Play toupee so at least he can go out in style.
Apr.24 at 8:59 pm
FLUXLAND says:
Whatever the poison is Lang, drink it up.. readers are starved for quality game notes and more importantly Links.
Apr.25 at 2:32 am
K-k-k-kobe says:
Lang - I was about to congratulate you on a great set of game notes, but then realised I couldn’t find them amongst all the pissing and moaning. We all know you’re a homer but do everyone a favour and try not to be completely blatant about it… it’s pretty pathetic.
Apr.25 at 10:59 am
Myung says:
We’re going to win tomorrow night, before we eventually lose the series 4-1. You going to be there in person, Lang?
Apr.25 at 2:42 pm
Elvis says:
Wow, these are probably the worst game notes I have ever ready. Whitaker is just a cheap, not funny, imitation of the ESPN sports guy. His attempts at witty remarks are just pathetic. I know your pissed off, Lang, cuz your team sucks. but lets be a little unbiased. Blaming the refs for the game? Seriously? You think the refs are spotting the celtics 21 points per game on average this series? It was so painful reading this column, but I guess its my fault for reading it. “The Hawks are so much better than this that it’s hurting me to watch this” –> NO THEY’RE NOT. What could possibly give you this idea. They are a terrible team. If they were any good they would show some flashes. I was at both games. There were none. And making fun of celtics fans? Saying they have bags over their heads? Are you F*****g kidding me??? The garden averaged 17,000 fans per game last year, just 1000 short of capacity. There will not even be 17000 tomorrow night in Atlanta for a playoff game. We fill the stadium even in a game against the Hawks. The Hawks!!! Not even people in your own town do that. Interesting note btw, even your beloved Dominique acknowledges there are more celtics fans in the stadium when the celts play in Atlanta. Get ready to see green tomorrow lang. You’re an idiot.
Apr.26 at 1:08 pm
ellis says:
was there really a headline back in the day that read “Tree bites man”??
if so, genius good notes Lang finally, Dicky Stockton and the Sam Posey & Marvis calls; only slightly less hilarious than above headline
Apr.26 at 8:01 pm
John D says:
Well said, Elvis.