Pre-game

When I come through the tunnel, there’s a new Hornets “rap” song playing on the PA. I’m not sure who’s behind this hot track, but I hear the lyrics, “Mike James, Mike James,” and wonder if somebody’s not getting a little ahead of themselves.Ryan Bowen passes the press table and I ask him who won the locker room tournament pool. Mo-Pete. Uh…figures?Q1

-Mehmet Okur is truckin’. In fact, Mehmet Okur could pass as a trucker. Also, I point out to Aggrey that a cameraman under the hoop looks like a young Okur. Poor kid.-Half-way thru the quarter, D-Will has 5 assists, and CP has 3…4 on one of those oops to Tyson of the pick and roll.

-Peja dunks! He really got up there, I say, and Aggrey points out that he is 6’10” and everything.

-Next week’s final regular season pregame Buzzfest featured performer: Trombone Shorty.

-CP3 throws a bad pass on a break. Things are sloppy and about to get a lot sloppier.

Q2

During the break, the “Used-to-Bees” do them. They’re the older ladies dance team and their coach looks like Adam Sandler’s sidekick in The Wedding Singer, plus about 25 years. I don’t know, something about that guy and his way with these women just cries “superfreak.”

-Ahem, anyways, Julian Wright catches a brilliant oop but it’s waived off by a Pargo offensive foul. This starts a storm of booing from the crowd that continues for successive Jazz possessions. The volume makes you think Ronnie Price, for example, is some kinda thug or something. Poor Ronnie, he’s just a victim to the aimless booing of a recently formed mob mentality. We’re new to booing at the Hive, and we don’t care who gets it.

-Hornets cut it to 34-28 and Jerry Sloan wants a timeout. After the break, Tyson and Okur do some joking around while waiting for the inbound. Huh. Friends.

-Pargo breaks Ashton’s ankles to take the lead. Fittingly, things get out of control for a few minutes, punctuated by D-Will sliding on his back into the scorer’s table.

-Former NBA and LSU great Bob Petit is introduced and receives a standing O. Honestly, at this point, a tiger could maul a family in this state and get a standing O, so popular are Les Miles and Co.

-Chris Paul is scoreless, and rewards my realization with an air ball. Something about Deron Williams and the Jazz irritates the hell out of him. The half ends 43-35 Jazz, with the Bees shooting 38% to Utah’s 48% and both team’s turning the ball over too much.

Halftime

Aggrey is all about the grape soda and menthols, but doesn’t want to stay for the Southern University Marching Band. I tell him he has no pride. Two Honeybees block my view at first. Jeez.

I stand under the hoop and watch the band go through Soulja Boy, “Suicidal,” and my favorite, “Hey Beh Beh, Hey Beh Beh.” Word. That’s the song where the cat says the club’s so hot, he’s not wearing any shoes, one of the best lines ever. Cause, like, only the illest player can walk around with no shoes on in a club.

This isn’t the entire Southern band, but it does include 4 plus sized girls in green velour who get down. Thought you should know.

Q3

-Peja slashes to the hoop to cut the lead to 3.

-CP3 finally hits a layup midway thru the quarter. I missed Rick Flair’s appearance at Sunday’s game, and almost forget how much I, uh, love the little “Wooo” clip they play after every Chris basket.

-D-Will pump fakes and Tyson figures he should help CP3, leaving Boozer, who catches the pass and makes it 62-50. On the other end, D-West throws the ball away. That’s about what this game boils down to.

Q4

-Yeah, it’s 70-50. Then Matt Harpring turns it over. Wow, Matt Harpring and “mistake.” I’m confused.

-Bowen-Mike James-Hilton-Bonzi-Ju Ju. There’s the T-shirt.

-Speaking of, they’re selling Bonzi jersey t-shirts in the gift shop. I tell Aggrey that this must be the fastest adoption of Bonzi by a fanbase ever. Did they even make a shirt for him in Houston?

-Mike James is wylin’ and blocked. A long Bowen 2 makes it 73-61 and people are tyring to believe.

-Some more chaos, and then Bonzi puts Ashton into the front row, so the poor kid is horizontal across the laps of three fans. See, that’s what you’d think Bruce Willis would’ve done, but he didn’t, because he’s an actor, not a tough guy. Bonzi Wells is no actor, son.

-After a Jazz TO, Wright steals the ball but Mike James goes in to be blocked again. I hate to turn on our man, but why is Mike James in there right now? Where is Peja? There’s 3 minutes to go. Where is CP3? Mike James?

-D-West loses the ball and now it’s 75-62 with under 2 to go. Why are any of the starters in there? To learn to play with Mike James? Come on, Byron.

-Game over, Jazz win, 77-66. CP3’s line will surely fuel the draft debate and the MVP squabble: 4pts, 9 assists, 3 steals, 2 rebounds. Ouch. D-Will only scored 4 but had 16 dimes, and Okur had 22/17. Ugly game. I’m exhausted, and let Aggrey handle the locker room. Peace.