The Isiah C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y.
Writers are just saying whatever they want when insulting Isiah these days. My turn!
Last night’s LeBron eruption at MSG sealed the deal for me. His line was amazing, the performance one of the best you will ever see. 50 points and 10 assists. The last two players to accomplish that feat were Michael Jordan and… wait for it…
No seriously wait for it…
STEPHON MARBURY!!!
In 2001, when he was a Net, against the Lakers. LeBron, MJ, Steph. Three of a kind.
But I digress. If you saw the highlights, it was LeBron raining open threes, breaking down guys that are already broken down. It was kind of like cruel and unusual punishment for the Knicks. Fun for the fans to watch, but they could have just watched him in warm-ups and it would have been the same thing. To put it bluntly, the Knicks are so bad that they demean the value of one of the great NBA performances. When Jordan dropped his double-nickel for instance, it was against a good team, so it meant more.
The grand stage of MSG has been tainted, and I’m here to tell you why. This is an IM conversation I had with an anonymous friend who does not watch even one second of basketball, dated December 18, 2007.
AIM IM with Anon.
12/18/07, 12:32 PM
Anon: Carl from ATHF is my new source on all sports developments. You have been replaced
Sam: that’s fine
Anon: You two actually agree on most things, so it’s even better
Sam: I hope he’s calling Eli a (derogatory term)
Anon: He’s raging against the Mitchell report
Sam: the giants replaced that for me
Anon: Maybe they’ll take out the pats perfect season. Or at least blow out Brady’s knee.
Sam: that would be sweeeeet
Sam: they actually ruined the Broncos 12-0 season back in ‘99 I believe
Anon: That’s a plan: ruin the pat’s playoff chances
Sam: only if they injured Brady
Sam: Giants too soft to do that though
(NOTE: WHAT A DIFFERENCE THE GREATEST CHAMPIONSHIP EVER MAKES!)
Anon: They need to hire Isiah as their coach
Sam: I have a budding crackpot conspiracy theory about Isiah
Anon: Do tell
Sam: I think I know why he won’t be fired, and why he’s so bad at his job
Anon: He’s addicted to crackpot?
Sam: no. It’s a lot like the movie Sleepers, and Isiah is Brad Pitt
Anon: … Is that the one where they were all abused in prison?
Sam: yes. But this is about the aftermath
Sam: Brad becomes a prosecutor, and he tries the molester Kevin Bacon
Sam: or that is to say he tries his old friends who kill Kevin Bacon
Anon: I thought they murdered him and Pitt helped stymie the prosecutuon
Sam: yes
Sam: He throws away his career in order to shed light on the subject
Anon: K
Anon: So Isiah is somehow exposing something?
Sam: ok, here goes…
Sam: When Michael Jordan was a rookie, playing in the All-Star Game, Isiah was the captain of the Eastern Conference team
Sam: he organized a freeze-out so nobody passed the ball to Jordan
Sam: Then, after the Pistons beat the Bulls three times in a row in the playoffs every year by beating up on Jordan, they finally lost
Sam: Detroit refused to shake hands with Chicago, stormed off the court in a show of poor sportsmanship, led by captain Isiah.
Anon: I think I follow. Isiah is a d–k.
Sam: Yes. Soon after that, Jordan became the biggest star in the world, and the legendary “Dream Team” was assembled.
Sam: Jordan, Magic, Bird, Ewing, Pippen, Barkley, etc.
Anon: That was the olympics thing, right?
Sam: Yes. 92 Olympics. Isiah obviously belonged on that team. He was one of the best PGs ever, a 2 time champion as a pro, won the college championship.
Sam: The reason Isiah was not on that team, was Jordan took a hard line
Sam: Told the NBA he wouldn’t be on the team if Isiah was on it.
Sam: And Jordan was bigger than the game, so they had no choice.
Anon: Okay… Sounds like a lot of nonsense back room politicking, but I follow
Sam: And other NBA icons fell in line.
Sam: Isiah was coaching the Pacers in the 2000s
Sam: the first thing Larry Bird did when he took the job there as GM, was to fire Isiah
Anon: Okay.
Sam: The NBA establishment outside of Detroit HATES Isiah.
Sam: He’s never said anything about it, but I suspect Isiah hates the establishment.
Anon: Okay
Anon: So his lackluster coaching style is a big f–k you to New York, and through them, NBA brass?
Sam: okay… so the Knicks owner James Dolan…
Sam: is the most defiant person alive
Sam: he’s a recovering addict, son of the cablevision dynasty, a real (similar term used to decribe pre-champion Eli Manning)
Anon: This is quite a tale you are spinning. Continue.
Sam: so… I see the two of them as kindred spirits who would like to bring the NBA down
Sam: James Dolan makes money no matter what
Sam: He’s been a billionaire since he was born
Sam: Isiah is angry
Anon: That must be nice. The billionaire part
Sam: Yes. And so, how do you take down the NBA?
Sam: Well… they say the league always does well when the Knicks do well
Sam: Because not only is it a major market…
Anon: Who says?
Anon: The man?
Sam: It’s a saying that people take as fact. But I’ll explan
Sam: the stage of MSG is the biggest one in the game, cause of the combo of the history and the media
Sam: When the Lakers are in town, it’s a show to see how Kobe will perform on the grand stage.
Anon: Okay…
Anon: Perhaps you’d be happier submitting this in thesis form
Sam: it’s almost over.
Sam: So, the way Isiah has it, MSG is no longer that showcase
Sam: instead of celebrating the greatness of Kobe, LeBron, Garnett, etc.
Anon: It celebrates the suckiness of the nba, writ large
Sam: no, it celebrates how sad the Knicks are,
Sam: like oooooh Kobe scored 50, so what. Look who he did it against.
Sam: And it takes away the only remaining stage like that in the sport
Anon: So he’s manchurian candidating it
Anon: Like Bush
Sam: cause Boston has a new arena and so do the Lakers and so do the Bulls
Sam: Yes, it’s kind of like that
Anon: Won’t the mantle of power move to some other city?
Sam: Never. NY bias baby. This is the stage.
Anon: But newer stadiums? Larger stadiums?
Sam: Nope. No history.
Sam: The Patriots field is great, they are a dynasty.
Sam: But it will never be Lambeau or Texas stadium
Anon: I see
Sam: with MSG it’s even more critical because of all the non-basketball history
Sam: every entertainer who’s anyone has performed there
Sam: It’s a shrine
Anon: I think I understand. Stepping out to possibly buy another Rockband controller
So there you have it! As good a theory as any!
43 Responses to “The Isiah C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y.”
Mar.6 at 9:34 am
Ryan Jones says:
You know who likes IM’ing? White people! Whooo… good one.
Mar.6 at 9:34 am
Ryan Jones says:
Also, I was planning to write about Steph’s 50 and 10 game, which I attended with (I’m pretty sure) Russ. I still might.
Mar.6 at 9:35 am
hursty says:
sucked in NY. 1st i spose
Mar.6 at 9:36 am
hursty says:
fu(k you ryan lol.
Mar.6 at 9:38 am
Jake Appleman says:
Sleepers, as a film, despite the molestation, still manages to be a classic. “What’s wrong, Shakes?” Minnie! She can have Sleepers and GWH and has my blessing to continue never making another large impact in anything. Ever.
I love conspiracies and that is fantastic, Sam.
Mar.6 at 9:48 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
this may have been the rare double conspiracy night… David Stern turned the magnets inside the basketball on. LeBron closed out a quarter or the half with a 30 footer he knew was going in.
Mar.6 at 9:56 am
TADOne says:
Is anyone else creeped out that Sam saves IM conversations from back in December?
Mar.6 at 10:00 am
FLUD says:
I think Dolan and Zeke are…………………………………………………… Crab people!!
Mar.6 at 10:09 am
FLUXLAND says:
I love conspiracies..Sam, that was fantastic! Under the assumption that all of that is correct, that makes Isiah a MASTERMIND! PURE GENIUS! Also makes me wonder if Isiah believes he is G.O.A.T.
Mar.6 at 10:17 am
TADOne says:
Being a Detroit native, I must admit what Sam states is correct. Outside of the state of Michigan, Zeke is hated. The most ironic thing is that the place he probably is hated the most, Chicago, is his hometown.
Mar.6 at 10:24 am
BETCATS says:
this transcript was also on ‘To Catch A Predator’. intresting.
Mar.6 at 10:25 am
peteb80 says:
This is just a conspiracy to make us believe that there’s a conspiracy. I don’t believe there really is a Sam Rubenstein.
Mar.6 at 10:34 am
SLAM ONLINE | » Marbury: Knick for Life? says:
[…] That’s his wish anyhow. If Isiah and co. keep him next season (and beyond), I’ll be willing to believe anything. var staf_confirmtext = ‘Mail sent’ #stafBlock { position: absolute !important; z-index: 100000; display: none; width: 200px; } #stafForm { background-color:#f60; border: 2px solid #000; padding: 5px; margin:0; } #stafForm h2 { margin:0 0 4px;color:#fff;font-size:12px !important;} #stafForm input,label, h2 {font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; color: #222222; } #stafForm .input_text { width: 90px;margin-bottom: 5px;padding:2px; } #stafForm label { float: left; display: block; width: 75px; line-height: 16px; } #stafForm .input_submit {color:#fff;padding:0 5px;} #stafClose { float: right; margin-right: 5px; } x […]
Mar.6 at 10:47 am
Ben Osborne says:
It’s awesome to have an insane person working as your online editor. I vividly remember watching that Steph game at a friend’s place in Brooklyn. Probably the high-water mark of the Stephon Experience (along with the All-Star Game that same season).
Mar.6 at 11:04 am
Benoit Benjamin says:
I can buy that, but first explain me how Zeke got Eddy Curry to roll along by killing his budding career with such inept play? What did zeke offer him for that?
Mar.6 at 11:06 am
Eboy says:
Awesome.
Mar.6 at 11:10 am
Ron says:
Sam, this was very interesting. And it read like a Lester Freemon wire tap. lol
Mar.6 at 11:46 am
Tariq says:
1- Sam, first Chocolate Therapy and now this? Genius. I like the parentheses in “Eli is a (deragatory term)”. Self-censorship at its finest. 2- There’s a scene in Sleepers where they tell Robert De Niro, the priest, that they were molested as kids. You don’t hear any dialogue; you just see a close-up of De Niro’s face as they’re telling him the whole ordeal. His reaction, though subtle and restrained, tells the whole story. That’s why De Niro is the GOAT.
Mar.6 at 12:01 pm
WeS says:
I actually, almost, kinda see what you’re saying…. And as far as getting Eddy Curry to take a saeson long dive- they didnt, they just brought in Zach Randolph. I’ve always felt like Z-Bo’s blackhole ability made Eddy not even take being out there seriously.
Mar.6 at 12:06 pm
kidcatastrophe says:
Somewhere, M. Night Shyamalan is smiling and working his tail off to turn this into a movie. It’ll end with Zeke revealing himself to be an alien.
Mar.6 at 12:26 pm
H to the izzo says:
Time to start wearing tin-foil hats and start calling people “sheeple”.
Mar.6 at 1:00 pm
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
Sleeper is a thoroughly solid… two-star “classic”.
Mar.6 at 1:03 pm
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
Awesome, and utterly, completely nutso theory, btw.
Mar.6 at 1:08 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
The person who listened to my ramblings has heard many of these types of theories from me. Usually I choose to keep them to myself. I felt this one was appropriate at this time though.
I’m comfortable with awesome and nutso.
Mar.6 at 1:09 pm
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
Coupled with the fact that Sam named the column after a film in which Keanu Reeves plays a psycho killer of the highest order, this IM conversation should probably scare people at the SLAM HQ a little bit.
Mar.6 at 1:14 pm
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
Or not. We know that, like fellow New Yorker Stephon, Sam’s the good kind of crazy.
Mar.6 at 1:36 pm
Myles Brown says:
“Now who smoke more blunts than a little bit? What are you an idiot?”
Mar.6 at 1:39 pm
what says:
You use caps in your IMs? Damn
Mar.6 at 1:47 pm
maio says:
Patrick Swayze has cancer y’all.
Mar.6 at 2:23 pm
its just alex says:
Fantastic.
Mar.6 at 2:30 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
Some caps, some not. The guy I was talking to in this exchange is a real stickler for grammar.
Mar.6 at 5:24 pm
Tariq says:
I think Mark Price was behind the stock market crash of 86.
Mar.6 at 5:46 pm
John E. Sanford says:
Awesome stuff Sam.
Mar.6 at 5:53 pm
The Best Yet says:
I feel bad for the Knick players themselves. Isiah is just toxic, everything he has gotten involved with over the last 15yrs (broadcaster, league owner, coach/GM, person) has all gone to sh!t.
This team has talent out the yingyang, but still dude sits Lee, Balkman, Nate, Z Bo and whomever else out for extended periods of time for no reason. Whether you feel as though you’ve been cheated (Dream Team/ Indiana) you dont willingly tarnish your reputation and humiliate yourself day in and day out. Any self-respecting person would have stepped down long ago.
But then again…Isiah’s a bitch.
Mar.6 at 6:59 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
This makes me worry that Sam is saving all his old IM conversations.
Mar.6 at 8:22 pm
Cheryl says:
I loved it, Sam. Now, explain why Riley’s coaching skills have gone in the toilet… Oh, wait, you probably have something archived from his Knicks days, huh?
Mar.6 at 9:06 pm
Todd D. says:
“Anon: This is quite a tale you are spinning. Continue.” — I had to break at this point for a laugh.
Mar.6 at 9:06 pm
Todd D. says:
Very intense and entertaining conversation. Funny too.
Mar.6 at 9:09 pm
Todd D. says:
Bron had a killer game at MSG for sure and the NY faithful let him know it — awesome — it really is the MECCA.
Mar.6 at 11:57 pm
FerrariGTO says:
I completely agree with this conspiracy. In fact I think Thomas and Dolan aren’t the only parties involved. 1st accomplice: Dennis Rodman
in the detroit days Zeke was the like the mob capo of the pistons and rodman was like hired muscle. when the detroit teams dismantled zeke convinced rodman to try and turn the league into a joke by acting as insane as possible to give the nba a black eye (headbutting officials, kicking cameramen, wearing a dress.) Accomplice 2: Bill laimbeer-If you listen to interviews now with bill laimbeer, that guy still holds a MAJOR grudge against the bulls and the nba. in his crazy mind he thinks the bulls should have never knocked off the pistons and thinks the nba and the refs made it happen for the bulls. He also thought he should have been given the coaching job of detroit instead of Carlisle years back.
Laimbeer and Isiah were best friends in their detroit days. If Laimbeer can still hate the nba that much almost 20 years after he retired then so can Isiah. Laimbeers current assignment to help bring down the nba…coaching in the wnba. ps. Dont foregt MJs final allstar game when he hit the game-winning shot that would have ended the game perfectly. But isiah was coaching the east and he ordered jermaine o’neal to foul kobe bryant at the buzzer putting kobe on the foul line to spoil jordans last hurray. I could keep going with more conspiracies but im sick of typing.
Mar.7 at 12:50 am
TC says:
The difference between MJ, Lebron and Marbury’s 50 points and 10 assists games? MJ and LBJ won their games. And I remembered Steph was smiling after he missed a buzzer beater to lose that game. He looked as if he was thrilled and in awe of his own performance that he forgot he just lost the damn game.
Mar.7 at 4:06 am
snyper48 says:
I feel sorry for all the Knicks fans out there,damn, I remember the MJ and Reggie Miller games at the Garden,that was GREAT no matter who won, but now this.Im speechless yo.Only Pat Riley as president and Van Gundy as coach to save NY.
Mar.7 at 8:20 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
I only save my IM conversations when they are entertaining or could have some value for extortion/blackmail. Ooooooh… maybe Isiah saved an IM chat when James Dolan admitted something he shouldn’t have, and that’s why he’s still in charge?
and yes, the anon party in this chat was a very patient listener.