More Shaq (And A Little J-Rich)
Russ Bengtson has only one—no, two—questions about this whole Shaq deal: Can we rock? What’s up, doc?
Like Shawn Marion, I only learned of the blockbuster Suns/Heat trade when I heard about it through the media. This is unacceptable. Next time, I expect a phone call at the very least.
What hasn’t been written about this trade already? Either Steve Kerr is a genius, or he’s a moron. Either Shaq is finished, or he isn’t. Either Shawn Marion was a paranoid malcontent or—OK, that part’s definitely true. Either way, no true evaluation will be possible until Shaq actually plays a game with his new team. So let’s re-address this when he does. In March.
One part of Shaq’s career that has been sorely overlooked these past couple of days has been the Shaq-Fu period. While his solo work was nothing more than a vanity project (of course Biggie was going to appear on a Shaq album. Why not?), I prefer to look back on his work with the Fu-Schnickens. Could you imagine LeBron James or Kevin Durant doing this? (Carmelo Anthony, maybe.) I know the rapping and the acting distracted Shaq from boring things like learning to shoot free throws and is part of the reason why he only has four rings now instead of six or seven. But how can you not love him for it?
(On another note, this is one of the best sneaker commercials of all time. For all kinds of reasons.)
• With the dunk contest fast approaching, it’s worth re-visiting the best NBA dunk contest dunk in the history of NBA dunk contests. When Jason Richardson pulled this one off—on the first try, no less—I remember just looking around the press section trying to figure out what the hell just happened. It was so fast and so perfect that no one had time to digest it. And then Jason missed a dunk in the final and wound up losing the contest to Fred Jones. Which is why dunk contests are stupid. Shouldn’t the guy who pulls off the best dunk of ALL-TIME win that year’s contest? But I digress. (I also don’t know why the only clip of it on YouTube is in Spanish.)
61 Responses to “More Shaq (And A Little J-Rich)”
Feb.8 at 4:14 pm
Chris O'Leary says:
Remember that song Shaq did with Wu Tang? No hooks? My all-time favorite. Best dunk contest dunk ever was VC’s 360 windmill. And he did it right off the bat. They should have just let him dunk by himself all day.
Feb.8 at 4:14 pm
jbn74sb says:
How about we judge Shaq’s time with the Suns at the end of the season? Even he might be able to motivate his large behind for a game or two.
Feb.8 at 4:17 pm
white hot eboy says:
Shaq’s as as*hole. He should be dead. Why are we still talking about him. What a waste of time. The guy has NEVER did one thing well. Why the fu*k is this website still allowing this clown time to shine. Un-fuc*ing-real.
Feb.8 at 4:18 pm
Krayzie Bone says:
They were good. His verse uh….no good.
Feb.8 at 4:20 pm
Krayzie Bone says:
That commercial was really cool. At the time, I would have had no idea who those other guys were. I notice that Bill Walton had no lines. I guess they didn’t want to make it a 30 minute spot between timeouts
Feb.8 at 4:23 pm
jbn74sb says:
Glad to see you’re starting to see the light, eboy.
Feb.8 at 4:24 pm
white hot eboy says:
I’m glad Russ brought up J-Rich. Dude can ball, so much better than a waste of life like that fat-ass. Dude is a proven winner. Dunk Contests are BIG TIME, baby. Dude is a playoff staple and feared league wide. Give this motherfu*king guy, a cover, will you, SLAM. Thank GOD we will NEVER see another fat f*ck cover.
Feb.8 at 4:26 pm
white hot eboy says:
Yeah, I figured being a sheep to the SLAMOnline party line, I might be looked upon in a better light. Plus Russ will be thrilled that Shaq bashing is happening at 3:30p on a Friday afternoon. Plus lying is my business, so business is good.
Feb.8 at 4:33 pm
white hot eboy says:
Imagine if Shaq had the work ethic of Erick Dampier? That motherfuc*er needs a cover too. Power, precision, a true force in the paint. He is one of the three most dominant centers of the last decade (along with Yao and Nenad Kristic). Make’s Shaq look like dogs*it EVERY time. Damn, I wish I could find his jersey somewhere. I need to rock that son of a bitc*es jersey to show respect to a true legend. He was the catalyst for the Mavs, almost title run, you know. How could you not love a guy like that.
Feb.8 at 4:37 pm
white hot eboy says:
4 rings???????????? Fat Bi*ch, you need about 10 more to be considered a blip on the greatest player ever radar. You better hit up the Fountain Of Youth in St. Augustine, Plump De Leon.
Feb.8 at 4:37 pm
jbn74sb says:
DOn’t sleep on Diop either, eboy. Or Benoit Benjamin, for that matter.
Feb.8 at 4:38 pm
jbn74sb says:
Shaqtor Traylor.
Feb.8 at 4:40 pm
white hot eboy says:
Motherfu*k that, I’m going all in on the legend in the making, JOSH MOTHERFU*KING BOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah son, the greatest natural talent to come out of the NCAA since Yinka Dare. Plus his contract is NOTHING. More bang for the buck.
Feb.8 at 4:43 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Shaq’s outfit in the “Can We Rock?” video is outstanding.
Feb.8 at 4:43 pm
white hot eboy says:
Ben, is there a cover for my boy, Mr. Consistency, DAMOM JONES, in the works? I bet that sh*t sells off the charts. Mohawk…..clean, greatest form of ANY three point shooter ever, incredibly efficient, come on now. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Fat f*ck loser NEVER made a three point shot, did he? You know a center, well a great center, is supposed to be at the three line hitting from everywhere right? Useless big bit*h. Cover, Damon, make it happen.
Feb.8 at 4:46 pm
white hot eboy says:
If fat f*ck had any sense he would have rocked a Coogi sweater and did the Bill Cosby dance instead, b*tch acted like he could rap. Sorry motherf*ker. Can’t make a free throw, can’t rap, can’t do nothing. I can’t believe he even got a contract coming out of school. SH*T, how’d he even get in school? With that lazy eye he shouln’t have been able to read the road signs to get to LSU.
Feb.8 at 4:46 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I meant “What’s Up Doc?” Damn song titles.
Feb.8 at 4:49 pm
white hot eboy says:
Russ, this is your greatest post EVER!!!!! Tear a dude down, bring him back up, right? Hell no, you can’t live this motherfu*ker with 20 dudes on HGH.
Feb.8 at 4:50 pm
white hot eboy says:
Bodie, I think I’m still about 309 posts behind you to catch up. I hope Russ doesn’t mind.
Feb.8 at 4:52 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I found the “What’s Up Doc?” video one night when I was feeling nostalgic, and felt like sharing it for those who’ve never seen it (and those who’ve forgotten it). I actually miss the days when NBA players were people first, and rookies knew how to have fun. Shaq is not only one of the best NBA players of all time, he’s perhaps the greatest entertainer in sports history. If you want to think of this as me dissing him, you go right ahead, though.
Feb.8 at 4:54 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
And I’d forgotten that he appeared in that commercial with all the other Hall of Fame centers. It’s revisionist history that Bill Russell just started enjoying himself in the past couple of years. If only they could have gotten Greg Oden to appear, too.
Feb.8 at 4:54 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
And I don’t care what or how much you post. Knock yourself out.
Feb.8 at 4:55 pm
white hot eboy says:
We’re talking about TODAY, baby!!!!!! Today, Shaq is horrid. A useless shell of a man. A waste of a jersey (actually could house 40 normal sized homeless people). $20,000,000 a year of uselessness. Why the fu*k would anyone want to praise this nuisance? Anyone? Didn’t think so.
Feb.8 at 4:58 pm
white hot eboy says:
Actually, Russ, I love your work as always, so raising your comment count, while not mattering for sh*t to you, makes me happy, as you deserve some type of gignatic comment number that is normally reserved for the Post Up. You do make me laugh whenever you’re around so I apprecite you and want to oblige by providing comments similar to what I’ve read over the last two days. I have plenty of source material to work from.
Feb.8 at 5:00 pm
white hot eboy says:
Bodie, do you have anything to add? Get me fired up, son. I need to eat this fat f*ck before he eat’s the rest of us!
Feb.8 at 5:02 pm
Bryant Reeves says:
“Forget Tony Danza, I’m the boss”. I hope he releases a best-of album soon.
Feb.8 at 5:19 pm
white hot eboy says:
Russ, I wish you would have posted this earlier in the day. Oh well. Thanks for the commercial link, too. It’s been years since I saw it and that really was a great one to remember. How is it that Walton never played for the Lakers? He would have been in ecstacy from minute one.
Feb.8 at 5:21 pm
Allenp says:
That’s a lot of posting.
Feb.8 at 5:26 pm
white hot eboy says:
Just for clarification, Allen, I love Shaq to death. Just played the part of the boys over the last couple of days. If my posting seems to be excessive and degrading, imagine reading it over and over and over and over and over since the Shaq deal was announced as a Shaq fan. Annoying, right?
Feb.8 at 5:29 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Gotdam I miss early 90s hip-hop. Nonsense posse cuts were the sh*t.
Feb.8 at 5:32 pm
Slick Nick Da Ruler says:
Nice work Eboy
Feb.8 at 5:35 pm
white hot eboy says:
I love this place, Nick, even when they hate me. I could never had been so creative if the guys didn’t provide their own caustic wit to the site. I wish everyone could “get it”, know what I mean?
Feb.8 at 5:35 pm
Ryan Jones says:
F*ck you, eboy.
Feb.8 at 5:37 pm
white hot eboy says:
I love you, Doughboy.
Feb.8 at 5:39 pm
Ryan Jones says:
:)
Feb.8 at 5:41 pm
Reggie Evans says:
@eboy -”Imagine if Shaq had the work ethic of Erick Dampier?” … uh, Shaq DOES have the work ethic of Erick Dampier.
Feb.8 at 5:47 pm
white hot eboy says:
LOL
Feb.8 at 5:47 pm
Reggie Evans says:
Actually, I shouldn’t hate on Dampier. Change that to “Shaq has the work ethic of Kwame Brown”. Thank you.
Feb.8 at 5:48 pm
white hot eboy says:
At least Shaq can catch, though.
Feb.8 at 6:20 pm
Tariq says:
Shaq did a joint with Wu-Tang?? How do I not know about this? I have every Wu joint memorized by heart. Well, not really, but I really like “Da Mystery of Chessboxing” and other classics. Shaq with the Wu on a song would be like Master P on the Hornets or something…
Feb.8 at 6:23 pm
Tariq says:
Speaking of Wu-Tang, 8 Diagrams is pretty good, especially “The Heart Gently Weeps”, which samples The Beatles’ “My Guitar Gently Weeps”. Good stuff. And Method Man is on fire throughout the album.
Feb.8 at 6:28 pm
Young Chris #3 says:
This thread is Eboy on steroids…
Feb.8 at 6:31 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I just did the research, and indeed, Shaq was the first pick, not Christian Laettner, not Alonzo Mourning. Say what you want about Shaq’s rhymes, at least they’re factual.
Feb.8 at 6:57 pm
Reggie Evans says:
@eboy - yes, Shaq can catch, but that’s not due to his work ethic, which is Kwame-esque.
Feb.8 at 7:24 pm
Captain America says:
I like Shaq, he’s been good for the League. With all the rabbits the Suns have, he might be able to put in a couple years feeding them and then call it a career.
Feb.8 at 7:24 pm
Krayzie Bone says:
If someone took either of those players over shaq, they would have needed to throw that entire franchise out of the league. Especially Laettner.
Feb.8 at 7:25 pm
Captain America says:
This is just the beginning for the Heat though. They have to get a lot better fast. Wade deserves no less.
Feb.8 at 7:40 pm
Captain America says:
Look up A-hole in the NBA Dictionary and you will see a graphic of Laettner
Feb.8 at 9:45 pm
whooo! says:
random tidbit. the 10th seed in the west right now has homecourt advantage in the east if the playoffs began today… phx has 2 teams 1/2 a game behind em. and the 8th seed is only 5 games back. i wonder if they can hold on till shaq gets there, cuz they already had such a short rotation, these guys are gonna be burned out again.
Feb.8 at 11:14 pm
Reggie Evans says:
Damn the Knicks suck!
Feb.9 at 12:51 am
Russ Bengtson says:
Yes they do.
Feb.9 at 12:53 am
Fat Lever says:
great commenting eboy, thats pretty much what Walton was sayin durin the half time show of the wolves vs c’s game, jerk, (walton not u).
tariq: yes, the song No Hooks was on th album Shaqfu da return (my 1st cd eva bought! sumthin i’m so proud of!!… seriously!) and was with RZA and Meth and was every bit as awesome u can imagine.
Also i’d 4gotten how great that jrich dunk was, same with th Reebok ad. Ah memory lane! oh and i hope some1 reads and appreciates this comment as i’m using my wii for the internet as i had knee surgery and i’m posted up on th couch wit my leg up. consequently i’m using a wii-mote to type (hence th grammar, spelling) an this has taken me like 10 mins to type
Feb.9 at 1:04 am
LAN says:
f*ck u whitehot eboy! u fat g*y f*ck useless baller sh*thead! u go for miami right? well shaq got u a f*ckin ring he was worth every cent miami gave him and he just got u marion so u should b f*ckin hailin him! f*ck u shaq is the best centre of all time! 1 on 1 agenst him and jabbar he would just dunk over him all day ALL F*CKIN DAY! F*CK U!
Feb.9 at 1:09 am
LAN says:
shaq has sik worth ethic shaq is sik. u dont hav a vert and a body like shaq without trainin. show him some fukin respect. N F*CK KNICKS R SIK! SIKEEST TEAM EVER! F*CKIN EDDY CURRY F*CKIN LOVE THAT GUY!F*CKIN JOKESQ GUYS F*CKIN HATE EDDY CURRY!
Feb.9 at 1:11 am
LAN says:
AND F*CK U RUSS! i want ure f*ckin job F*CK!
Feb.9 at 4:17 am
Kevin says:
wtf i hope the Damon Jones cover comments were a joke
Feb.9 at 4:52 pm
Ben Osborne says:
What a genius that Lan is.
Feb.9 at 10:23 pm
LAN says:
ye man thx
Feb.9 at 10:29 pm
Reggie Evans says:
Very eloquent.
Feb.10 at 4:03 pm
Gerard Himself says:
Damn you Russ for showing the rap video and sneak commercial. I feel old. Real old. I remember that back in the day as a young teen, I almost knew every word of that song (except that verse where the dude is rapping really fast). As a dutch guy, I didn’t knew every “slang” word they were using, but I tried! And the commercial is indeed awesome. The best, or at least among the best ever. Cool that all the legends were there to participate.
Feb.10 at 6:37 pm
the hawk will never die says:
I HATE VILLANOVA! shaq will be fine, so will j-rich they are both great players.