Headbanned in CHI
One day it’ll all make sense. OK, it probably won’t.
By Russ Bengtson
Is it possible that, in the course of NBA history, there has been a dumber team rule than the Chicago Bulls banning their players from wearing headbands?
(There probably has been, actually. Not that I can think of one at the moment.)
But given that the biggest accomplishment of the rule was to immediately offend Ben Wallace, their biggest free agent signing ever, where were the offsetting positives? To have the team looking like—well, what DO they look like? College teams and high school teams wear headbands. So do half the players in the NBA. What does Bulls management plan on banning next? Tattoos? Tall socks? Bentleys? Point guards?
The funny thing is that Wallace was given an “exception” (gee, thanks!) to wear it this season by head coach Scott Skiles (at least that was the story) so it was assumed by many (or at least me) that when Skiles went, the rule would go with him.
Wrong.
New arrivals Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden both wore headbands during their tenure with the Cleveland Cavaliers, and neither will be wearing them as members of the Chicago Bulls. Does this make sense? Treating an NBA team like the junior varsity? A curfew I could almost understand. Making sure players stay in shape, wear the right color uniform, put their socks on before their shoes, even eat their vegetables. Keep order, that’s great.
But headbands? Are they really that much of a problem? Is Allen Iverson a worse player because he wears a headband? Is Baron Davis? Is LeBron James? Is Eddy Cu—whoops, nevermind.
Sure, back in Michael Jordan’s (and John Paxson’s) day, hardly anyone wore headbands. They’re a phase, an utterly harmless affectation of the young, one that’ll eventually die off and everyone will wonder why the heck anyone ever wore them right up until the next time they come into style. Then Pax and whoever else is behind the stupid rule can breathe a deep sigh of relief and move to ban some other sign of visual disorder like cornrows or the Matadors.
If anything, headbands are a useful piece of gear, to keep sweat from dripping into your eyes (or, in Big Ben’s case, to keep his picked-out Afro from going all over the place). Just look at Drew Gooden. The man NEEDS a headband. With that head and that beard you just know he’s sweating all over the place. What if sweat were to drip into his eyes at a key moment and make him miss a free throw, eliminating the Bulls from the playoffs?
Oh, that’s right, the Bulls aren’t going to MAKE the playoffs. They have bigger fish to fry.
NOTE: The Jazz have a no-headband rule as well, instituted by ornery head coach (and former Bull) Jerry Sloan. Was there some sort of horrible headband-related incident in Chicago back in the ‘60s that I’ve never heard about? Or should we just blame it all on Jim McMahon?
40 Responses to “Headbanned in CHI”
Feb.26 at 10:32 am
Ryan Jones says:
I’m not sure if this needed to be said, but if it did, it definitely needed to be said by Russ.
Feb.26 at 10:33 am
TADOne says:
Blaming Jim McMahon sounds about right.
Feb.26 at 10:36 am
Keith says:
I think they should ban basketball. Oh, looks like they already have.
Feb.26 at 10:37 am
Eboy says:
Jim McMahon should have covered those fu*king bug eyes with his headband. And yes, co-sign Jones, this could only have been addressed by Russ.
Feb.26 at 10:39 am
Russ Bengtson says:
I’m just the conduit for messages from a higher power.
Feb.26 at 10:49 am
Sesa says:
Banned the headband! A simple solution for a coach looking for a scapegoat.
Feb.26 at 11:29 am
Ryan Jones says:
I’m also completely ashamed of myself for not getting the Bad Brains reference at first glance, Russ. Unforgivable.
Feb.26 at 12:09 pm
Allenp says:
Some jobs like to enforce stupid rules. It’s a part of life.
Feb.26 at 12:11 pm
Daniel says:
I think that fans should bring boxes of them in to the game and assault the court with a barrage of headbands. Patron saint of the Bulls, Slick Watts??
Feb.26 at 12:22 pm
Whistler says:
Wasn’t there some similar rule a few years ago? Celts maybe?
Don’t remember. Or Blazers? Or Sonics?
Damn Alzehimer!
Feb.26 at 12:22 pm
CoolWhip11 says:
I hope they ban ponytails soon. I’m looking at you, Noah.
Feb.26 at 1:15 pm
Phil B says:
i think the blazers have a similar rule… but agreed it’s a horrible horrible rule.
Feb.26 at 1:39 pm
Tariq says:
If short shorts were never banned, anyone who has ever worn a pair should shut the f*ck up. Unless Drew decides to don a sombrero, leave it alone.
Feb.26 at 1:42 pm
Rubens says:
“Was there some sort of horrible headband-related incident in Chicago back in the ‘60s that I’ve never heard about?” - that was a great line russ, I’m rolling on the floor here…
Feb.26 at 1:56 pm
Captain America says:
Headbands cut off circulation to the brain. For the Bulls, this might be a good thing.
Feb.26 at 2:32 pm
riggs says:
yall should sign all the chicago bulls player to a slam subscription and let them get a free headband
Feb.26 at 2:52 pm
Arvydas Sabonis says:
If the Bulls somehow end up making the playoffs I will forever be pissed at the world
Feb.26 at 2:55 pm
tike says:
Yao out for season fracuted whatever the hell you call it haha…poor rockets
Feb.26 at 3:00 pm
daniel says:
looks like theyve banned good shooting
Feb.26 at 3:07 pm
Ken says:
Anybody remember the time Drew gave up on a play because he went to pickup a wristband he dropped? It was pretty incredible. They even replayed it.
Feb.26 at 3:16 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
The Bulls will only make the playoffs if the Nets, Hawks and Sixers all go into hideous tailspins simultaneously. In other words, they’ve got a great shot!
Feb.26 at 3:41 pm
Rocky says:
Rocky, its part of the team dress code, deal with it. The NBA has one, and many jobs have one. Why don’t you show up to your office with a headband? Or better yet why dont you come in with jeans and a white tee, when the dress code is business casual. These players get paid millions of dollars to play a game, they’ll be fine.
Feb.26 at 4:01 pm
detroit says:
Slam March cover should be the entire Bulls team with headbands.
Feb.26 at 4:02 pm
tealish says:
The difference is that you respect Sloan and his players aren’t the ones who would wear a headband anyways. I mean, can you see AK47 rocking a headband? Okur? Nah, these guys just ball. But still, I don’t know why the headband is such a horrible offense.
Feb.26 at 4:19 pm
Tariq says:
I like to wear wristbands when I play football/soccer. It has a practical use. Like a little towel on your arm. So I guess that’s reason # 927 why I can’t be a Chicago Bull.
Feb.26 at 4:41 pm
Tommy Patron says:
The Bulls have become the bane of my existence.
Feb.26 at 4:53 pm
The Tree says:
Maybe it’s a bit of superstition you know. I mean, if they were to just let players go out and wear headbands maybe they believe they’d lose their competitive edge. Oh yeah, we’re talking about the Bulls. My bad.
Feb.26 at 8:02 pm
Sesa says:
Tealish, Mehmet Okur wore headband when he played in the all-star game.
Feb.27 at 12:29 am
tealish says:
wtf? he was in the all-star game?
Feb.27 at 8:14 am
Sesa says:
Yes he were, If I’m not mistaken. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong.
Feb.27 at 8:47 am
Brian says:
Yup, last year.
Feb.27 at 9:16 am
maio says:
I think the Chinese government has got to have something to do with that!
Feb.27 at 10:37 am
Tyrone says:
Hey Tealish - true the Jazz are generally a group of “Choir Boys”, except Boozer (ask G. Gund) - who by the way was the only Jazz in this year’s all-start - no Okur…
Feb.27 at 3:34 pm
Granville Waiters Ghost says:
Sadly, it’s another legacy of the Krause days. You may remember when Eddy Curry’s trunks fell down during a game because he didn’t tie the drawstring, or how the team had to run windsprings because he didn’t tape his ankles. The truth is that he and Tyson Chandler had no idea how to tape their ankles. In reaction, Paxson got all Marine on their ass. The irony is that, at least prior to this trade and with a few exceptions (Timmy Talent Thomas), the Bulls have since been made up of meek little lambs that are probably in more danger of getting a ticket for jaywalking while helping a little old lady across the street than winding up in a strip club shoot-out. But the rule persists because it’s a rule and rules are forever. It’s similar to the wars Marge Schott used to have with Eric Davis and other players with earrings, jewelry, sideburns, etc. Dumb and dumber by the day.
Feb.27 at 4:18 pm
markg says:
the Bulls have a headband rule because Eddy Curry’s pants fell down? Makes as much sense as anything, I guess.
Feb.27 at 4:23 pm
Geerten says:
I thought the no-headband-rule included wristbands and stuff… I saw Gooden sporting an arm-sleeve/wristband combo during his two games with the Bulls!! And one interesting question: what if the Bulls trade for Charlie Villanueva? He has alopecia, in other words: no hair, which means: no eyebrows and no eyelashes. He can’t play without no headband. His eyes will be brutalized by sweat ’cause he ain’t got nothing to keep the sweat from his eyes other than a headband.
Feb.27 at 5:57 pm
Bench Duhon Dot Com says:
The no-headband rule is beyond idiotic, but I’m not sure it rivals Crumbs Krause’s “no cornrows” mandate to Darius Miles before the NBA Draft.
Feb.27 at 6:56 pm
maio says:
Granville Waiters? That guy from Barcelona (late eighties)? That’s too cool.
Feb.27 at 11:31 pm
daniel says:
what would happen if steven jackson took all his accessories to chicago and played for them? would paxon’s head explode?
Feb.28 at 8:34 am
rhyen says:
haha,
i like the idea of banning point gaurds
radical, then chi can have have yet another SG