Vote for Me, B*tch
“Hire Rudy!,” Obama the Zen Master, and other ridiculous comparisons that recently occured to me.
By Ryan Jones
The Knicks need to hire Rudy.
This is so obvious to me that I can’t imagine someone hasn’t already written about it, and maybe someone has, but I haven’t seen it, so I’ll run with it.
Rudy Giuliani’s entire justification for his presidential bid can be boiled down to two claims: He took over a crime-ridden, nose-diving city and turned it into a clean, safe place that people wanted to come see again, and he rallied New Yorkers after Sept. 11. The idea of Rudy running the country scares the sh*t out of me, but his proven ability to deal firmly and effectively with thugs, scumbags and sexual deviants would seem to make him a perfect replacement for Isiah Thomas. And lord knows Knicks fans need rallying.
I’ll be more specific to help the metaphor along. The most visible public symbol of NYC’s health is Times Square, and Madison Square Garden in 2007 is what Times Square was 20 years ago: Dirty, unseemly and unsafe. Full of petty criminals and sex shows. Ground Zero for bad judgment and sad lives. And den of iniquity, populated with life’s losers.
I trust you see the similarities.
Giuliani became mayor in ‘94, following a black mayor (David Dinkins) who had inspired optimism among many New Yorkers when he took office, pledging to turn around the city’s finances and ease racial tensions. Isiah Thomas inspired optimism among New Yorkers when he was hired as Knicks President of Basketball Operations in 2003, promising to turn around the Knicks’ fortunes and ease the amount of crap basketball they played. Neither had much success, but both have shown a gift for saying crazy sh*t.
After being accused of not paying income taxes, Dinkins reportedly said, “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” Ha! Good one!
Around the time he was sexualy harassing her, Thomas reportedly told Anucha Browne-Sanders, “B*tch, I don’t give a f*ck about these white people.” Ah… not that funny, actually.
Rudy, meanwhile, took over for Dinkins and, depending on who you ask, either A) made New York great again, or B) beat down minorities and poor people and made it illegal to enjoy yourself. He made New York the safest big city in the world, but he also turned the heart of the city into a giant, soulless strip mall.
Whatever works. Regardless, Rudy got results, and if there’s anything the Knicks haven’t been getting lately, it’s results. All the fans who still inexplicably keep showing up at the Garden love to chant “Fire I-say-yah!” but no one seems to be offering a replacement. You’re welcome, Knicks fans.
And now, since I’ve already started with this dubious theme, I might as well see it through.
So, inspired by Jake’s dense-but-undeniably-awesome extended Ghost/Doom/Kidd metaphor from last week, and by the monthly Hype feature Which NBA Player Are You? (which Sam has taken and run with better than I ever could have, but which actually was my idea), here is Which NBA Coach Are You? 2008 Presidential Campaign Edition, a Workmanlike Farmer Jones Production™. For the sake of pseudo-journalistic objectivity, candidates are listed in alphabetical order.
Hillary Clinton is… Avery Johnson
Both learned the ins and outs of the game alongside a master of the craft. Avery played for Gregg Popovich, where he was a coach on the floor and learned the secrets behind Pop’s motivational ploys and defensive consistency. Then he went to Dallas, where he served as a player-coach under Don Nelson. Hillary learned the politcal game from Bill Clinton. Both have have faced the tricky task of separating themselves somewhat from their mentors, Avery splitting with Nellie after Don’s acrimonious departure but still respecting what Don taught him, Hillary distancing herself from Bill but still trying to capitalize on his popularity. Avery relies heavily on tall, funny-looking blonde Dirk Nowitzki for points and rebounds. Hillary relies heavily on daughter Chelsea to work the phones for her campaign. Avery had the NBA’s best team in 2006 and they seemed a shoe-in for the title, but fell apart against charismatic Illinois native Dwyane Wade and the Heat. Hillary seemed a shoe-in for the 2008 Democractic nomination but looked on the verge of falling apart against charismatic Illinois rep Barack Obama. Avery still has the tools to bring a championship to Dallas. After her New Hampshire bounceback, Hillary still has a shot at the White House in November.
BUT, Hillary being the polarizing figure she is, I couldn’t settle on just one comparison. So let’s try this one, too.
Hillary Clinton is… Phil Jackson (current)
Both rose to power in the 1990s as part of seemingly unstoppable teams. Phil overcame the distractions caused by fat, annoying GM Jerry Krause. Hillary overcame the distractions caused by fat, annoying intern Monica Lewinsky. Phil can’t seem to stay out of the spotlight, stepping down from the Bulls job only to take the Lakers job a year later — a job he left and then took again in 2005. Hillary stepped down from her gig as First Lady in 2001, but not before she was already a candidate for Senate. Her White House candidacy has been a foregone conclusion ever since. Phil has recommended dozens of books to players in hopes of motivating them to play better. Hillary has been the subject of dozen of books written in hopes of motivating conservatives to hate better. After a tumultuous offseason, Phil’s Lakers seem to have gotten their act together and look like they might be able to contend for a title. After a tumultuous Iowa caucus, Hillary’s campaign seems to have gotten its act together looks like it might still be able to win the election.
John Edwards is… Scott Skiles
Edwards was born in small town South Carolina, unapologetically takes on big business and talks about looking out for the little guy. Skiles was born in small town Indiana, fearlessly battled bigger players during his career and liked to start two little guys in the Bulls’ backcourt. Both seem genuine but have a fatal flaw — Edwards’ hair and Skiles’ personality both tend to turn people off. Skiles was recently fired. Edwards should be dropping out of the race shortly. BONUS FUTURE PREDICTION: Edwards has already been on a ticket as a VP, and could end up being Obama’s running mate if Barack wins the nomination. Maybe Skiles is better off as an assistant somewhere, too.
Rudy Guiliani is… Pat Riley
Too easy, I know. Both men were born in New York near the end of World War II. Giuliani’s lineage is Italian. Riley was born in a town called Rome. Rudy made his name as a prosecutor in the mid-’80s, famously battling the Mafia as he indicted the heads of the “Five Families” in 1985 and ‘86. Riles led the Showtime Lakers to four of their five titles in the 1980s, including back-to-back wins in ‘87 and ‘88. Both took charge in New York in the ’90s and enjoyed further success, Rudy winning the first of two mayorial elections in 1993, Riley leading the Knicks to the NBA Finals in 1994. Both enjoyed a late-career burst of post-millenium popularity. Rudy capitalized on the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and the outpouring of sympathy following his bout with prostate cancer to position himself for a presidential run. Riley capitalized on Dwyane Wade’s talent and the outpouring of sympathy from the refs in the ‘06 Finals to win another title. After initial high hopes for his presidential campaign, Rudy’s trying to justify staying in the race. After initial high hopes for the Heat’s 2007-08 season, Riley’s trying to justify staying on as coach.
Mike Huckabee is… Mike Brown
Both men are trying to follow the blueprint laid by a more successful predecessor. Huckabee is trying to follow Bill Clinton as a formerly portly Arkansas governor who charms his way into the White House (although he doesn’t have the same way with the ladies). Former Spurs assistant Brown is trying to follow Gregg Popovich’s lead as a coach who uses defense to win an NBA championship (although he doesn’t have Tim Duncan in the post). Huckabee seems to be banking his chances on his faith in Jesus Christ. Brown is banking his chances on his faith in LeBron James.
Dennis Kucinich is… Lawrence Frank
Both are tiny men who seem to be way out of their depth at this level and appear to have no chance of winning anything. Both seem likeable in their own way, but neither is taken as seriously by the outside world as they seem to take themselves. That’s all I got.
John McCain is… Doc Rivers
As young men, both proudly represented their country in losing efforts. McCain was a decorated war hero in Vietnam. Doc was named MVP of the 1982 FIBA Americas tournament, in which the U.S. took silver. McCain survived five years in a Vietnamese POW camp. Doc survived a year with the Clippers. McCain entered the national stage with a 2000 presidential run and had early and unexpected success, winning the New Hampshire primary. Doc made his coaching debut with the 1999-2000 Orlando Magic and had early and unexpected success, winning Coach of the Year after leading the Magic to the playoffs. But that early success didn’t last for either man. McCain was undone by dirty politics and ended up losing the Republican nomination to George Bush. Doc was undone by Tracy McGrady’s inability to back up his words and never got out the first round. Both were written off as recently as last year. McCain had to fire most of his campaign team last year and looked likely to drop out of the 2008 race, beause people thought he couldn’t win. Doc wished he could fire most of his team after the Celtics lost 107 games the last two years, and people thought he couldn’t coach. Both have found redemption in New England. McCain just won the ‘08 New Hampshire primary. Doc has the new-look Celtics off to the best start in the Legue.
Ron Paul is… Don Nelson
Both are crazy old bastards who appear to have a lot of good ideas, but neither is mainstream enough in their style to win the ultimate prize. Still, we should be thankfully for mavericks like this. They keep the establishment on its toes, and you never know when they might pull a first-round upset.
Barack Obama is… Phil Jackson (circa 1989-91)
Both come from unique backgrounds. Obama was born in Hawaii to a Kenyan father and a white American mother. Phil was born in Montana, where both of his parents were ministers. Both capitalized on low-level success in a bid to make it big on the national scene. Obama was an Illinois state senator before running for Congress. Phil won a CBA title with the Albany Patroons before being hired as a Bulls assistant. Obama got his chance at the big time after a rousing speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. Phil got his chance in the L when Doug Collins couldn’t get the Bulls past the Pistons. Phil smartly teamed with Tex Winter to better utilize the talent around Michael Jordan. Obama teamed with Oprah to try and better utilize the votes of middle-aged white women who do whatever Oprah tells them to. Both were decent ballplayers when they were younger. Both have written books in which they openly discuss using drugs when they were younger. Both look like they might be on the verge of greatness at similar points in their careers. Phil guided the Bulls to six title in eight years. Obama hopes his next eight years are similarly successful.
Mitt Romney is… Mike D’Antoni
Both men seem to have “found” themselves in Western Europe. Mitt spent his Mormon mission in France. Mike became a star playing in Italy. Both were recognized for their early excellence. Romney was valedictorian of his graduating class at BYU in 1971. D’Antoni was named to the NBA All-Rookie second team in 1974. Both men have interesting nicknames: Romney’s first name is actually Willard, while Mike earned the nickname Arsene Lupin in Europe, apparently because he stole the ball a lot. Both made their names nationally by turning around a struggling franchise. Romney took over the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic bid when it was hemorraging money and facing organizational chaos, and the Games ended up making a profit. D’Antoni took over the Suns when they were struggling, put in his up-tempo system and helped bring Steve Nash to Phoenix, and the Suns were in the conference finals the following year. Both men are accused of style over substance. Romney is an attractive man who often seems not to stand for anything other than getting elected. Under D’Antoni, the Suns play an attractive style but often seem incapable of anything other than being fun to watch. Both seem like good candidates but neither appears able to win when it counts. Romney appears to spend a lot of time on his hair. D’Antoni’s mustache doesn’t stay that neat by itself.
Tune in next time when I compare all the potential First Spouses to NBA cheerleaders. Goodnight.
UPDATE: This just in. Clearly, Jimmy Carter is… Jerry Sloan.
79 Responses to “Vote for Me, B*tch”
Jan.9 at 4:00 pm
RM # 0 says:
first
Jan.9 at 4:00 pm
RM # 0 says:
my first one…..
Great post Ryan
Jan.9 at 4:03 pm
Riggs says:
if you actually think rudy giuliani did any of those things, then you dont live in ny, seriously he took mayor dinkins plans and just put his stamp on it and dont let me get started on the whole 9/11 ish, go watch the movie “Giuliani time”.
Jan.9 at 4:03 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Other than failing to comapre Isiah Thomas to Alan Keyes–makes every other candidate look less crazy by comparison–I like it.
Jan.9 at 4:06 pm
Holly MacKenzie says:
I haven’t read it yet, but I’m just happy to see this. We need more Mr. Jones around this place!
Jan.9 at 4:12 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Thanks Holly. I trust I can count on your vote.
Jan.9 at 4:13 pm
Myles Brown says:
Can Joe Biden be Greg Poppovich? Neither get the respect they deserve and they’re both white. White hair too. That’s enough for me! And I’d like to see an Obama/Biden ticket.
Jan.9 at 4:13 pm
Myles Brown says:
It would never happen though.
Jan.9 at 4:16 pm
TADOne says:
Poppovich can win. Biden doesn’t have a prayer.
Jan.9 at 4:18 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
Good post man. What about Bill Richardson? i’ve been trying to figure out who he is. Anybody?
Jan.9 at 4:21 pm
jbn74sb says:
So who is Shaq? Marion Barry?
Jan.9 at 4:21 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Bill Richardson strikes me as a lost member of the Van Gundy tribe.
Jan.9 at 4:22 pm
Ryan Jones says:
I should’ve put Bill in for you Khalid, my bad. Let’s see… incredibly accomplished but largely overlooked, spent most of his career in a small market, not really considered a serious threat to win the big one… Flip Saunders?
Jan.9 at 4:22 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
Obama and Chris Dodd? No wait, Obama and Richardson? I think that works. Obama for the optimism and richardson looks to be the best candidate on paper. that would be a intriguing ticket.plus richardson could help win the southwest, a notorious republican hotspot
Jan.9 at 4:24 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Bodie, I’ll let you post the “Which NBA Player Are You? Former Crackhead Mayor Edition” column. Looking forward to it.
Jan.9 at 4:28 pm
TADOne says:
In that sense, couldn’t Richardson be more like George Karl?
Jan.9 at 4:30 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Mike Bloomberg = Scottie Pippen?
Jan.9 at 4:30 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Bill Clinton = Larry Brown?
Jan.9 at 4:31 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
not flip. he’s not important enough (sorry flip lovers). Richardon was nominated for a nobel prize and did some real deal hostage negotions with several countries and leaders including your man saddam. plus he was the sec of energy. so he has international experience and he understand the potential reasons for the energy puedo-crisis thats upcoming. Again this is only on paper, i guess you never know. Still at least logically he’s the person i like the most. but he needs to give better speeches because most people don’t even know about him. his numbers are terrible and i don’t know if he can even stay in the race until super tuesday
Jan.9 at 4:31 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Al Gore = Rick Carlisle?
Jan.9 at 4:32 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
And I still like Richardson as Jeff Van Gundy. Right down to the acerbic, self-deprecating wit. Or wait, is that me?
Jan.9 at 4:35 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
i watched the primary whilst playing poker last night, and I was Jordanesque. Losing my money and verbally abusing people because of it. Fun!
Nice work Ryan. You’re like John McCain, 71 years old and still hanging in there
Jan.9 at 4:57 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Thanks Sam, but if you really loved me, you’d give me feature placement.
Jan.9 at 5:07 pm
Ryan Jones says:
I just updated this post with a link at the end. Everyone needs to read it Now.
Jan.9 at 5:09 pm
white hot eboy says:
Ryan always contributes greatly…….. with a 4 week interval between columns.
Jan.9 at 5:13 pm
Myles Brown says:
That was so effin hilarious I’m almost crying over here. Get it? Onion? Crying? Ok, Im leaving now…
Jan.9 at 5:15 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Thanks eboy. Looking forward to your next blog about how Air Supply was a really underrated blues band before the money screwed them up.
Jan.9 at 5:15 pm
Dave says:
As A new Yorker I can say the Rudy Comparison was on Point,Creative and Genuis Sh*t
If it takes you 4 weeks to keep writing stuff like this keep doing it I”ll take Quality over Quantity and Day…Well except for Dr.Dre Albums he takes to long
Jan.9 at 5:15 pm
nothin personal says:
Bill Clinton is definitely Phil Jackson. It’s so obvious I won’t even argue about this. Plus, this gives us a whole new Leweinsky=Geenie Buss argument. As for Larry Brown, I think he is Bush sr. I would have gone with Henry kissinger if he didn’t ride the moment to a championship. Damn you, Sheed!
Jan.9 at 5:17 pm
H to the izzo says:
Doesn’t McCain still call his captors Gooks?Him getting into office bodes well for America
Jan.9 at 5:18 pm
Ryan Jones says:
And yet for some strange, constitutional reason, Bill Clinton is not actually running for the nation’s highest office this year, np. Kinda would’ve f*cked up my theme, you see.
Jan.9 at 5:20 pm
Dave says:
Ron Pual ..Don Nelson lol “Both are crazy old bastards who appear to have a lot of good ideas, but neither is mainstream enough in their style to win the ultimate prize”
Jan.9 at 5:20 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
there’s your feature spot Jones. The “best” acceptable photo of Ruger Rudy.
Jan.9 at 5:22 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Thank you, Sam.
And I don’t know if that’s true about McCain, izzo, but I suppose if a specific group of people who all happened to be the same nationality imprisoned and beat me for five years, I might be a little bitter and say things that weren’t PC. At least we know he’s not a p*ssy and wouldn’t send 18 years off to war when he was too chicken to go himself.
Jan.9 at 5:24 pm
nic says:
ah, jimmy carter. fantastic link, to top off a fantastic post, ryan. the kucinich/frank bit…i mean, does anyone else smell a pulitzer?
Jan.9 at 5:25 pm
white hot eboy says:
Gimme your favorite 80’s group, Jones, I’ll do a Behind The Music featurette for you special.
Jan.9 at 5:25 pm
Ryan Jones says:
YouToo. Too easy.
Jan.9 at 5:26 pm
H to the izzo says:
It’s a tough one to call alright,I mean you can’t blame him for hating people who tortured him but someone who says something like that isn’t someone you want leading your country,but a dead turkey would be better than what you have now.
Jan.9 at 5:27 pm
Ryan Jones says:
On that we can agree, izzo.
Jan.9 at 5:29 pm
white hot eboy says:
A dead turkey?………A drunk Irishman would be bette……….oops!!! Damn resolutions.
Jan.9 at 5:31 pm
nothin personal says:
And Phil Jackson is running for a championship? Kobe would have to average a triple double in the playoffs for that to happen. On the other hand someone could argue that Bill is coaching his way to the White house (since Hillary is Mamba and all). Inevitably, this makes Andrew Bynum the equivalent of Chelsea, wich is brilliant in so many levels.
Jan.9 at 5:32 pm
H to the izzo says:
You had one of them during the 60’s Eboy
Jan.9 at 5:33 pm
white hot eboy says:
True.
Jan.9 at 5:36 pm
Jake Appleman says:
I love you. No homo.
Jan.9 at 5:38 pm
H to the izzo says:
I think Reagan was too but we’ll forget about that.Also Obama claims to be
Jan.9 at 5:40 pm
white hot eboy says:
By the end of the campaign, Obama may be wearing a yamaka.
Jan.9 at 5:41 pm
H to the izzo says:
Well my father likes him,that must count for something
Jan.9 at 5:43 pm
Ryan Jones says:
I love that Europeans love Obama. That’s totally gonna backfire for him.
Jan.9 at 5:47 pm
white hot eboy says:
Not if the SLAM boys can back him.
Jan.9 at 5:48 pm
H to the izzo says:
Europeans loving him won’t help him get those republican crossovers that he’s trying for.And as long as Hilary keeps letting Bill speak she’ll do just fine.
Jan.9 at 5:50 pm
nothin personal says:
if a mormon gets elected as the president of the US, I am moving to Mars
Jan.9 at 5:53 pm
H to the izzo says:
If Huckabee gets elected everyone in America is moving to 1938,like it or not.
Jan.9 at 5:54 pm
white hot eboy says:
If Huckabee is elected, I will have “removed”. For real.
Jan.9 at 6:00 pm
nothin personal says:
Yeah, but I hope that Huckabee is too ignorant to care to screw with Greek people. Romitt is definitely gonna send missionaries, though!
Jan.9 at 6:32 pm
Toney Blare says:
Does this make Genovese and Gustapo like Hannity & Colmes?
Jan.9 at 7:26 pm
Pat Is Five says:
so a dem win isn’t a foregone conclusion?
Jan.9 at 7:28 pm
Cub Buenning says:
Well done, Mr. Jones, well done. Wish I could have jumped into this conversation earlier.
Jan.9 at 8:12 pm
Krayzie Bone says:
Not that I read all the comments, but Milquetoast Toronto where I live is the safest big city in the world (over 1 million people). Its been scary here because our murder rate has soared to something like 2.5 per 100000. Giuliani’s fist, and the social services laid down before him, allowed new york to drop to about 10 per 100000. Manhatten is OK to walk through; the South Bronx is still not so much (though for some reason I could walk around there like it was nobody’s business)
Jan.9 at 9:32 pm
Gerard Himself says:
Obama in SLAM? When will it happen?
Jan.9 at 10:40 pm
C. Russell says:
Ron Paul is by far the best candidate but America is to stupid to realize it.
Jan.9 at 11:46 pm
Gumdrop says:
I’ve also wondered that Gerard, it seems like a no brainer. If Obama does win the nomination I think he may have to take Edwards as his running mate, so he can score himself some more votes down South. Northern Dems don’t do well there.
Jan.9 at 11:51 pm
Gumdrop says:
Also, I must say that if Huckabee wins and follows through with his brainless (reckless/moronic/Isaiahesque) economic plan the US is heading into a giagantic freaking recession. Not that your economy is so hot at the moment anyway.
Jan.10 at 1:00 am
Jukai says:
This was ridiculously stupid. Just throwing in my two cents.
Jan.10 at 1:18 am
karan says:
i’m sorry… but y’all missed THE most obvious comparison isiah thomas is… george w. bush
Jan.10 at 9:01 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
it’s true, Krayzie Bone, a someone that grew up in pre-Rudy NY, I remember my dad would take me to Times Square once a year and then it was like we had to get out of there before sundown cause it was too dangerous. Now it’s like walking through a shopping mall, but nobody from NY ever goes to Times Square. Safer and boring but not threatening. You could compare it to Knicks roster in the Layden years.
Jan.10 at 9:53 am
Ryan Jones says:
Pat is Five: No, it’s not.
Gerard: I believe we’re trying to make that happen, but I hear the man is busy.
Jukai: Thank YOU.
Karan: Again, current presidential candidates. Work with me, man.
Jan.10 at 9:54 am
Ryan Jones says:
And it’s always good to hear from my peoples T. Blare.
Jan.10 at 10:05 am
Ryan Jones says:
New one for you, Khalid: Bill Richardson is… Billy Donovan. Thought he was up for the job, then changed his mind. I realize this means the state of New Mexico = the Florida Gators. That seems about right.
Jan.10 at 10:50 am
gilly says:
The american electoral system is the such a stupid process. For a nation that preaches democracy to countries worldwide to employ such an undemocratic system is just hilarious. Not only do candidates have to raise millions of dollars, the process is simply a popularity contest. Look at Hilary Clinton’s win in New Hampshire, she showed some emotion which really was a sign of weakness rather than strength or passion and then probably won the vote because of it. And the whole situation was probably just an act organised by her campaign managers. It showed me how shallow most american voters can be. The entire system makes the nation look so hypocritical. No wonder the international community hates the USA, but then americans would probably think they are all just jealous.
Jan.10 at 11:02 am
Ryan Jones says:
I’m not sure anyone here is arguing that, gilly.
Jan.10 at 11:37 am
TADOne says:
Well Khalid, you called it. Bill Richardson is officially dropping out of the race.
Jan.10 at 12:12 pm
Gumdrop says:
“The best argument against Democracy is five minutes with the average voter.” - Winston Churchill
Jan.10 at 12:42 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
Yeah unfortunately i was correct. I thought maybe he’d stay in until Michigan and if his numbers were still anemic, he would then drop out. He ran outta money is my guess. He never have horrible speeches but for some reason people never really considered him even though he’s by far the strongest guy on the democratic side. As i keep saying over and over, we need someone who understands the energy problems that we have and someone who is respected by the international community and someone who has had to deal with domestic issues like taxes, immigration and balancing a budget. this guy used to be THE SEC OF ENERGY. that means when oil crisis type situations occur and when scientists find/develop new forms of energy, etc he’s the person who is in charge of this stuff. He then tells the president whats good and what isn’t regarding ideas and initiatives. Obviously he knows a little something! he was also the AMBASSADOR to the UN. so at one point his entire job was to be internationally relevant and informed. he’s also a GOVERNOR, so he has a track record of leadership and decision making. i’ve done some research and he seems to be well respected as a gov. How can a guy with this much on paper even fail to get 10 percent? nevermind win, this guy couldn’t even compete. instead we have all this liberal guilt that says a woman or a black man is due up to bat regardless of their track record. on the republican side we have a preacher who doesn’t believe in evoloution as a front runner, psycho G (rudy guilani) and a absolute fraud in romney. mccain doesn’t have enough money so i can’t see him winning. F*ck this, I’m voting for bloomberg. For real.
Jan.10 at 1:12 pm
Vince says:
Ha. I liked this one, Ryan.
Jan.10 at 1:27 pm
TADOne says:
Well Khalid, maybe one of the democratic front runners will consider Richardson for their V.P. They usually do most of the heavy lifting anyway.
Jan.10 at 3:01 pm
intern says:
Clearly Barack is Reggie Miller… come on people……
Jan.10 at 6:58 pm
gilly says:
just thought i’d throw that comment out there to see whether anyone americans would disagree. congratulations, all of you are not so patriotic that you are oblivious to your nations humour for the rest of us.
Jan.11 at 12:06 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Just don’t forget, gilly: We still reserve the right to bomb anyone at anytime. USA!
Mar.21 at 11:21 am
SLAM ONLINE | » Frosted Mini Links says:
[…] Of course, posting that reminded me of this, a silly, self-indulgent exercise from a few months back — and one that I feel compelled to update now. Ready? I know you are… […]