NBA Mullets
The Commish calls for an end to cornrows!
By now, everyone has seen the cover of SLAM Issue 115, right? It features a great photo of two of the NBA’s biggest stars – Melo and AI – doing something that you don’t see too often on a SLAM cover – smiling. It’s one of my favorite covers. But when I peeped that cover for the first time, all I could think about was a mid-90s Dominique Wilkins. Remember that ‘Nique? Forget that he was playing in that ugly green and white Celtics jersey, wearing #12 and not his legendary #21. Forget all that. The travesty and tragedy of that ‘Nique, was the sight of this black man still rockin’ a box-cut in 1995. What was he thinking? He didn’t wise up, though. His next stop was a black and gray hookup with the Spurs and The Admiral, where – you’re not gonna believe this – both of these black men were still rockin’ boxes! It was 1997! I mean, what, were they still doing the running man with Bobby Brown to “Every Little Step,” too? We could forgive David Robinson. He was always on some square biz…but not ‘Nique. There was no excuse for the Human Highlight Film to persist with the box-cut – not years after the Fab Five made baldies hip and Wu and Snoop re-introduced cornrows.
Ah, cornrows. We’ve come full-circle. Getting back to Melo and AI…I gotta admit that it’s disconcerting to see two of the coolest, most credible dudes in the L with these intricate, 12-hour cornrow/braids designs still atop their skulls. It’s unacceptable. I kept thinking, “What if Tom Brady and Tony Romo rocked mullets?” As implausible as that sounds, that’s the only comparable image – two of the coolest star-quarterbacks sporting some ape-drapes. Cornrows and mullets are, to me, much like sweet potato and pumpkin pie.
So, I guess, this is a call to action. It’s 2008 and I’m calling for all cornrows to be recalled and placed in storage for at least 20 years. Braids are yesterday and passé. The beginning of this end came early in the new millennium when alien-skull Scottie (Pippen) thought it’d be cool for a 15-year vet to get him some Mystikals. The end of the end arrived in October when Brad Miller and his blonde hair shamed the style into a public realm occupied by things like Yugos, Ja Rule and Gigli. “You drive a Yugo?!” “You listen to Ja Rule?!” “You bought Gigli?!” “You rock cornrows?! What are you, a Betamax?!”
Sort of sad, really, since cornrows began as a hairstyle of function (began in sub-Saharan Africa as a style of easy maintenance), morphed into a time-intensive exhibit of Afro-American artistry (even though some resemble ant farms, the designs are quite fascinating) and then served as a symbol of Gen X and Y individuality and status-quo defiance for a good six to ten years beginning around 1993. Now? Well, unless Ving Rhames is playing an OG in a John Singleton film set in 1998, there’s really no good reason for any grown man to rock ‘rows, lest he invite chuckles.
The same thing happened with mullets. First it was function (fishermen wearing their hair long to keep them warm, rednecks wearing their hair long so they wouldn’t be physical rednecks); it morphed into fashion (glam-rock tastemakers like David Bowie dug mullets in the 70s); and then…well, clowns like MacGuyver started rockin’ them. And then Michael Bolton. And finally Billy Ray Cyrus, which immediately sent mullets spiraling toward the comic depth of public ridicule. Next thing you know, smarmy bands are making sardonic songs about mullets and David Spade is parodying the stereotypical doofus in Joe Dirt, who, of course, rocked a mullet.
Forgetting the comedy factor, for the moment, it’s also important to note the stigma attached to the styles, thanks to an ignorant American public always in a haste to stereotype, a club in which I am a card-carrying member. These days, both mullets and cornrows have become cultural identifiers for the low-brow. Come to an interview with either style and you’re pretty much ruining your chances with 60% of the jobs in the professional workforce. (Yep, we’re going here.)
Rock a mullet and you’re stereotyped – plain and simple. You’re a hillbilly, a redneck, a rube, a NASCAR fan, you dig Lynyrd Skynyrd. I lived in Florida for about two years working as a reporter out of a suburban bureau. In southern suburbs, you can go from a strip mall to a dirt road where folks are walking around without shoes. I saw my fair share of mullets during my stay; and when around a mullet, I stayed on the safe side and knew not to make any snide comment about Kenny Chesney or Wal-Mart.
Braids have taken on a similar type of cultural attachment in recent years. When they first reappeared on the scene, it was the hottest thing out. Method Man was my favorite emcee back in 93/94 and he rocked cornrows. Once the emcees and ‘hood-tastemakers do anything, everyone follows, including athletes. Some ballers started rocking braids for functionality reasons, but far more did it for fashion/imaging reasons. AI tried to front like he wore cornrows because he was sick and tired of his hairline getting pushed back and enjoyed braids’ easy maintenance, but we know better. It was cool. There was something brazen and righteously defiant about black youth reacquainting themselves with an old black staple, especially when it spilled over into the sanctimonious world of corporate sports. Allen Iverson was almost like a political figure. But the American public began associating braids with a criminal element, mostly because the rappers that re-popularized the style went extra-hard at presenting themselves as criminals. The ill thing is that, more than tattoos, more than baggy shorts, more than “trash-talking”, more than anything, cornrows/braids were the cultural identifier that turned the modern black athlete and a league like the NBA into something that the American “buying/consuming/supporting” public believed to be a clan of thugs.
But soon, like all fashion trends, things changed. Rappers, like Luda and Meth – even Beanie Sigel – started electing for short ceasars. Athletes, as always, followed suit. The new set of stars — Bron, Wade, Chris Paul, Dwight Howard — are coming in the league with short cuts. Braids are going the way of a relic. Except, a few folks persist.
So I beseech AI and Melo: It was fun while it lasted, but the party’s over. Grown-man up. It’s 2008. Leave the cornrows to Darius Miles…and Brad Miller. Don’t be Old ‘Nique, getting pinned on the rim, rockin’ a Dwayne-Wayne.
84 Responses to “NBA Mullets”
Jan.18 at 12:58 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
and the banner is on its way. Nicely done again Vincent!
Jan.18 at 1:02 pm
white hot eboy says:
I LOVE THIS FUC*ING PIECE!!!! Great, great work, Vince. The only thing, Melo’s face is so fat, that a low cut might make him look like a pudgy 10 year old.
Jan.18 at 1:08 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
The funny thing is that some of the guys that got rid of their ‘rows early–Jermaine O’Neal, for one–got rid of them because they were HIGH maintenance. JO got tired of flying someone in whenever he needed them re-done.
Jan.18 at 1:09 pm
Jared says:
Good write up Vince. Very entertaining and good parrallels.
Jan.18 at 1:16 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
And yes, when the banner is there you will see that Vince is “The Commish.” An unsucessful white rapper I know went to cornrows. Big mistake.
Jan.18 at 1:20 pm
d.Y. says:
Nice way to unite cultures through hair. Yeah, cornrows are a bad idea when you’re traveling all the time, and everyone wants to charge a whole lot for it. Of course in the caribbean this post makes no sense at all. Cat’s of all ages have ‘rows there because ITS HOT, and boxbraids take too long.
Jan.18 at 1:23 pm
TADOne says:
Long live the Mullett!
Jan.18 at 1:24 pm
TADOne says:
So where does Chris Mullin fit into all this? and Chris Kaman?
Jan.18 at 1:31 pm
bobby stew says:
Don’t ever cut your braids to be accepted. keep them neat and presentable and do your thing.
Jan.18 at 1:33 pm
Vince says:
Peops: This is something that might not be clear in the column…when I speak of cornrows, I’m directing everything toward grown men, not teens, children or women. Yes, I’m also a sexist.
Jan.18 at 1:35 pm
The Cool says:
braids are overrated. there is no thrill in having long hair. I know they say long hair don’t care, but all the long hair is a lot of sh*t to take care of. I don’t have money like AI or Melo so if I had cornrows, my hair would be freakin nappy the next day. all that hair is just crazy. I think it’s time for the fades to make a comeback. play wit it.
Jan.18 at 1:35 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I don’t think AI’s ever gonna cut his braids.
Jan.18 at 1:36 pm
Lipton says:
Haha, have to agree about Melo… But AI’s been rocking the “braids” for, what? At least ten years…it would be hard to imagine him without them
Jan.18 at 1:37 pm
The Cool says:
yo the italicized writing is straight gutta cuz.
Jan.18 at 1:46 pm
fliverfan says:
years ago when the allstar game was in philly, A I, wanted to honor dr j by taking them out and blowing up the fro, but he had been wearing them so long the fro would not stand…but I say one word explains AI do, SAMPSON…look what happened to J O game when he cut his off…Luter’s career…nuff said
Jan.18 at 1:49 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
its ai’s signature. if he cut off his braids itd be tha same as if he got rid of his tattoos. it just wouldnt be ai w/o em
Jan.18 at 1:51 pm
TADOne says:
I have nothing to add, just want to see my comments italicized.
Jan.18 at 1:52 pm
fliverfan says:
by the way how about 100,000, for gun buy back …that’s not grownup enough for you
Jan.18 at 1:54 pm
Cub Buenning says:
This conversation sadly brings to mind the rat-tail i rocked during 3rd/4th grade circa 83-84 in the northern suburbs of Milwaukee. This quickly gave way to the skater cut (short on sides, LONG bangs) that became my middle school staple. Oddly enough, I recently had some of my longest flow ever (other than my college days when I required a headband for basic on-court vision) Yesterday it met its doom, during my annual shearing, at the hands of some industrial scissors and my clippers. I’ll be rockin’ a Broncos skully for the next few. Russ, I am not sure either will. I love the hair in the old Oak Hill shots of Melo.
Jan.18 at 2:06 pm
deestarbuckz says:
Take the long white tee shirts out with them too… I hate seeing that chyt. Jeans down to the back of the knee with a tee just as long.
Jan.18 at 2:11 pm
ciolkstar says:
Yeah Cub - I love Melo rockin the headband written on with permanent marker and the short fro. Anyone seen at the end of that new Jordan commercial with all the clips of now-famous atheletes back in highschool/amateurs; Melo brings out a sick tomahawk dunk and heads jubilantly back up the floor. That’s the cut I’m talking about.
Jan.18 at 2:14 pm
Cub Buenning says:
saw the ad last night and yes, just that one. Borderline young Marley look.
Jan.18 at 2:26 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Am I the only one who, on first reading the headline of this column, thought David Stern had actually come out and said guys need haircuts? I sure hope I wasn’t.
Jan.18 at 2:30 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
wut up cub. how bout this weather? and yes ryan i was pissed cuz i thought it actually meant stern not vince
Jan.18 at 2:32 pm
white hot eboy says:
Co-sign, Ryan.
Jan.18 at 2:42 pm
Cub Buenning says:
Agreed with the farmer.
Bubba, it is especially cold up here at 8500 feet! Wood burning stove is a blazin!
Jan.18 at 2:48 pm
white hot eboy says:
The header is fanfuc*ingtastic!
Jan.18 at 2:51 pm
jbn74sb says:
Nobody could touch the mullet I rocked from about 86-89. Nobody. Riding my BMX bike, mullet flowing in the wind, living on a diet of Nerds and Coke. Life was so much simpler then.
Jan.18 at 2:56 pm
BETCATS says:
cornrows and dimonds are both forever
Jan.18 at 3:08 pm
Redd says:
Very interesting Vinny,very good. Yo! the first NBA cat that rocked the rows, was Sprewell, I might be wrong but spree was rockin them when AI was still a Hoya!! But it’s time to let’m go, and bring back the box!!!!
Jan.18 at 3:08 pm
Rubens says:
co-sign e-boy’s co-sign
Jan.18 at 3:09 pm
white hot eboy says:
I love the image of Bodie in acid washed shorts and a Hypercolor T with his mullet at full bore.
Jan.18 at 3:11 pm
Jake Appleman says:
My 1989 mullet thanks you.
Jan.18 at 3:12 pm
jbn74sb says:
eboy - stop beating around the bush and ask me out already. I’ll decline, but I’ll let you down softly.
Jan.18 at 3:21 pm
underdog says:
I hope Stern didn’t read this.
Jan.18 at 3:26 pm
Vince says:
underdog: I hope he did. Screw a dress code. Enforce this. It’s for the good of mankind.
Jan.18 at 3:44 pm
JackBrown says:
This is the best thing I’ve read all day. Thank you sir.
Jan.18 at 3:44 pm
Cub Buenning says:
bodie, insert sprees, mtn. dew and skateboarding for me. I never went acid-washed, although my jeans were surely pegged.
Jan.18 at 3:53 pm
jbn74sb says:
I’m with you, Cub. Eboy’s acid washed and hypercolor references are news to me.
Jan.18 at 3:54 pm
Cub Buenning says:
eboy, you’re jersey at heart, right?
Jan.18 at 4:06 pm
Slick Nick Da Ruler says:
Does Omar rock ‘rows?
Jan.18 at 4:08 pm
The Notorious King says:
the funny thing is i cut my hair cuz it was high maintenance.lmao
Jan.18 at 4:32 pm
its just alex says:
Truth. Not that I was out of infancy for half of these haircuts you’re talking about. There’s a kid on campus at school all the time who has a high top fade…my friends and I call him Dwayne Wayne.
Jan.18 at 4:36 pm
Dave says:
Ceaser 3
Jan.18 at 4:36 pm
John E. Sanford says:
I haven’t read the entire post yet, but the Nique reference is awesome. Nique used to rock that ‘S Curl!!!
Jan.18 at 4:47 pm
rob stewart says:
Robert Pack, Bell (from BellBivDivoe), Johnny Gill, and Nique all had the fliest high fade box cuts ever.
Jan.18 at 4:59 pm
Kadavour says:
Well written, but the overwhelming concurrence with this opinion in these comments speak to the poor state of tolerance in America. You even alluded to the professional workforce shunning certain haircuts because of crass associations made with the sight of them. This “shoot first, ask questions later” approach isn’t limited to ‘rows and mullets. Dreads, designed cesars, skinheads (if ur white) and fros are also frowned upon just to name a few of the top. It would be a great day when this method of thinking shifts into the positive.
Jan.18 at 5:01 pm
crazylee12 says:
Does no one remember when AI sported a fade back in like, ‘96? You know, back when he crossed up MJ.
Sidenote: One day last summer I was on the subway in Toronto and saw this dude rocking a SERIOUS high-top, possibly even a gumby or “step-up” as I like to refer to it as. Not only that, but he had on some retro Air Flights and a Nike basketball tee, all complete with teal and purple accents.
I honestly felt like commending him on his commitment to keeping ‘89 alive. I may have been only 5 back then, but I recognized the spirit of ‘89 that he personified.
Jan.18 at 5:05 pm
WhaHuh says:
All the rappers you mentioned- Luda, Meth, Beanie, Busta, Ja Rule have all fallen off since they cut their hair
Jan.18 at 5:11 pm
rob stewart says:
Haven’t braids been around forever? I mean they have a real history behind them before 2000. High top fades and designed ceasers don’t have near the history of braids. I’m not trying to knock those hairstyles but braids should be seen as more natural/exceptable since black,white,indian, and others have been braiding hair since forever.
Jan.18 at 5:12 pm
Kadavour says:
WhaHuh: Meth fell off? How? He’s got a mixtape out with Ghost, cop it. He may have done some movies in the interim, but M.E.T.H.O.D MAN never fell off.
Jan.18 at 5:13 pm
Kadavour says:
Rob, what hairstyles are unacceptable?
Jan.18 at 5:19 pm
J-Nick says:
Clearly this is a joke right? David Stern cant be serious. A few days away from MLK day and here we have another white man thinks cornrows are to black and urban and does not fit into his white mans world, I’m begining to think if it aignt white it aignt right? This is a step to far and not acceptable.
Jan.18 at 5:25 pm
rob stewart says:
Kadavour, I’m talking about what I think society labels as unacceptable. I’m not making a personal judgement call, more of a percieved public opinion. I have had many wild hair styles(including braids right now as a 28 year old male) and have been told I wwould/could not succeed with such a hairstyle. My point is just that braids have alot of history beyond culture, ethnicity, etc.
Jan.18 at 5:30 pm
Kadavour says:
Don’t you think we empower those stereotypes by cosigning these public perceptions?
Jan.18 at 5:51 pm
rob stewart says:
Defenitley, but we have to be aware of them and recognize them in order to have helpful dialogue and change.
Jan.18 at 5:57 pm
Max says:
Nice try, just like a friend of mine that likes to throw things out there just to get a rise out of someone. Hatin’ on braids, wow, get a low cut like everyone else, good idea, what are loose fitting clothes out too, Vince? Thats so ‘95 right, haha look at the guy who’s heart you can’t see beating through his shirt. Mullets as a comparison is terrible it wasn’t that popular but I’m 24 and can’t remember but if your creeping up on 30 I can see where you feel the need to PLAY grown up. While your at it start reading GQ and throw all your SLAM mags away, your not in high school anymore right.
Damn homey if thats all it takes to be a write on Slam….wow. Cornrows are just a hairstyle like anything else, they been around in the hood forever, but you wouldn’t know that, like wearing jersey’s ect. but since you are all about the mainstream I guess it is time to go with what everyone else is doing. How long before you start hating on dreads since that is mainstream now but dude been rocking that for a minute too but you wouldn’t know that either.
All these bums that agree with you should just go back to watching MTV and reading some tabloid. I’ll keep reading slam even though I been doing it since I was 13 and will continue to because I like it and when I’m 30 like you I’ll continue to read it because I care less what’s the “in” thing to do. Cornrows will never go away in the hood stop hating.
Jan.18 at 6:36 pm
poohbiz says:
I thought the same thing ryan
Jan.18 at 6:55 pm
hursty says:
nice write up, good stuff.
Jan.18 at 6:59 pm
youcef says:
nice cornrows A.I. and MELO PEACE OUT
Jan.18 at 7:03 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
ya cub its cold in co
Jan.18 at 7:14 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
sick banner vince
Jan.18 at 7:25 pm
TheMC5 says:
Everyone should rock the afro.
Jan.18 at 7:52 pm
mitch36 says:
i got cornrows and there nice i dont c why AI and MElo shouldnt have em. the only guy i have a problom having cornrows is Tyronne Lue lol
Jan.18 at 8:11 pm
P-MAC says:
this is the dumbest sh*t i ever heard, leave AI and Carmelo alone, aint nothin wrong with cornrows, Its a way of expression, just because everybody doesnt rock em doesnt mean its out of style, i rock em myself and I think its much better than short cuts, I wear them to be different, everybody u see has the same ol short fade or basic short cut, boring to me….why not grow your hair and rock fresh designs all the time its better looking then rockin the same ol fade all the time….. so forget you and this whole dumb ass story…..pointless…..theres bigger issues in the league than a f**king hairstyle
Jan.18 at 11:15 pm
Harlem_World says:
High maintenance isn’t practical for a grown ass working man. Entertainers, ballers, rappers - its part of the image, so they have budget for that (and time). Regular Joe? Hell no. For the record, when you get your braids freshly done, you look good for a few days (depending on the type of hair you have), but after that? When you can’t find a girl to freshen you up? You walk around looking like a bum.
Jan.19 at 12:13 am
Sesa says:
Vince, are you sporting a cornrow or a mullet?
Jan.19 at 8:42 am
Melofan15 says:
Hell no
the braids are what melo and AI look so dam cool man
how can you expect them to get rid of that
Jan.19 at 7:37 pm
Dre says:
These hairstyles can’t be compared because cornrows have much more of a cultural connection to Africa then a damn box cut. Cornrows have always been around from the motherland, to the US, on past slavery, through the civil rights area, fly past the 70s’ on into today. Cornrows are a staple in the A-A community, the one genuine connection to Africa, so they can stay… part of the reason they have never ever gone out of style.
Jan.20 at 12:58 am
Brown Ballin says:
What about sikhs (indians) who have to keep long hair
Jan.20 at 2:28 am
mr fantasic says:
not bad
Jan.20 at 3:29 am
Cal Owens says:
Man I’ll be glad when the rest of these fools grow up. Braids are so childish.
Jan.20 at 4:06 am
Jose Rodriguez 76 says:
They should do what ever they want to thier hair!!!! Just play b-ball!
Jan.20 at 5:52 am
vili says:
its up2 the person whether they want it or they dont. just play the game.
Jan.20 at 8:13 pm
Dacre says:
Does D. Stern offer ‘do-rag allowances??
Jan.21 at 1:41 am
Lamar says:
Sikhs are crazy ballers though ive seen them play in games theres alot of brown guys that dont get oppurtonities to go pro
Jan.21 at 2:15 pm
Yoeri says:
AI should still wear his hair in cornrows and rock a headband..
it’s just simply Allen
Jan.21 at 3:17 pm
Big Nate Deezey says:
No more cornrows??? Yeah they take their rows out and end up with a hair style that has been dead for decades, the afro, would u like that? They already took away any form of personal style from the L, whats next make all the black players bleach their skin like Michael Jackson???
Jan.21 at 3:17 pm
zamhar says:
one famous athlete who experimented with corn rows AND a mullet… David Beckham.
Jan.21 at 5:32 pm
Azikiwe Muenda says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5y9A4DKmjM Don’t judge me by my hair.
Jan.24 at 7:35 am
Lonnie Long says:
Its kinda odd a “grown man ” commenting on another grown mans apperance like a woman, kinda strange, makes me wonder what you really watch sports for…to see top notch compettitors or exchange beauty tips….
Jan.25 at 10:37 am
NBA Mullets says:
[…] NBA Mullets Rock a mullet and you’re stereotyped – plain and simple. You’re a hillbilly, a redneck, a rube, a NASCAR fan, you dig Lynyrd Skynyrd. […]
Jul.14 at 2:14 am
DaGawd says:
this blog is completely silly..and the fact that a person would compare a mullet to cornrows is crazy. as a 25 yr old black male with 3 yr old hair..mine are constantly braided.Though i do feel the real “straight back, prison style braids” are kinda trasy and played out. the variations and creativity that can be applied to this style are limitless and in my opinion..f*ckin awesome..and not hard to maintain if you know what you’re doin..not to mention its a part of my culture that i will never lose especialy sense most blacks in this country have limited aspects of daily life if any that actually reconnect us to the place where we originated…this is one that i will maintain for life…and that fact that it is not acceptable in professional settings is pretty damn offensive…Ai’s braids are “iight’ sometimes…but mine are “consistant hotness”..i’ve had fishbones…mohawks…zig zag..to the side..all kinda other whatnots…and constantly get compliments..male and female..young, old,from professionals and your common criminals…and with that..i wont even scroll up to see the name of the person that wrote this garbage..who was obviously some kinda uptight dingaling that knows nothing about black hair or black culture in general…
Jul.23 at 8:22 pm
racist says:
wow you dudes sound cool talking crazy about braids. you had to be a white bul to publish this…