A Couple Knicks Lists
No, not statistics. We don’t believe in those, remember?
by Russ Bengtson
Five guys who have less job security than Isiah Thomas:
1. The Pope
2. Fidel Castro
3. Clarence Thomas
4. Chris Berman
5. God
Five things Isiah could do and still not get fired:
1. Sign Michael Vick to a five-year deal for the full mid-level exception.
2. Park in Jimmy Dolan’s parking space every day.
3. Trade David Lee, Malik Rose, Quentin Richardson, Nate Robinson and a No. 1 to the Bulls for Ben Wallace.
4. Accidentally set Madison Square Garden on fire.
5. Take over coaching the Liberty, too.
Five people who dress worse than Jim Dolan on a semi-regular basis:
1. Charley Rosen
2. Andrew Bogut
3. Bjørk
4. Britney Spears
5. Duane Chapman
Five former Knicks who could help the team right now:
1. Marcus Camby
2. Latrell Sprewell
3. Allan Houston
4. Bernard King
5. Richie Guerin
Five combinations of players the Knicks could have had instead of Eddy Curry:
1. LaMarcus Aldridge and Thaddeus Young
2. Tyrus Thomas and Acie Law IV
3. Rudy Gay and Joakim Noah
4. Brandon Roy and Spencer Hawes
5. Ronnie Brewer and Sean Williams
Ten things Isiah Thomas has said about 11 additions:
1. “Everything this team needs, he brings to the table.” (Channing Frye.)
2. “It’s more of a future thing, but we definitely won’t hold him back from doing something for us right now.” (Randolph Morris)
3. “I think we’re catching him at the right time of his career. They always say big guys take time to develop.” (Jerome James)
4. “His talents and his skills, they speak for themselves. But his intangibles… How do you find that person? He just balances the group and makes it work. It’s not a matter of solving a problem, it’s a matter of tilting everything to make it all balance. He balances the team, both a person and as a player. We are extremely lucky to have him.” (Jared Jeffries)
5. “Jalen is a person who fits exactly what we need. A very versatile player, he can handle the ball in the backcourt, he can score from the small forward position and he can take some of the scoring load off some of our younger players who have been asked to score at difficult times during the game.” (Jalen Rose)
6. “Tim Thomas is a young, versatile small forward who suits our style of play very well, and Nazr Mohammed is a strong front-court player who will help us with rebounding and interior defense. Although we had to part with two quality players and individuals, we felt this trade makes us better now and in the future.”
7. “This is a trade that we all feel makes us a better basketball team for both now and in the future. In Steve, we add an All-Star caliber player to our team without giving up core assets that are key to our future.” (Steve Francis)
8. “I think we are catching him at a good and unique time in his life.” (Vin Baker)
9. “Malik is a high-energy player, and the fans are going to enjoy watching him play. In terms of his salary, a guy like Malik who is making $5 or $6 million a year is worthy of that contract. The two or three additional years that he has, I’m very comfortable paying those numbers. Those are not $12, $13 or $14 million numbers.” (Malik Rose)
10. “Our goal is to win an NBA championship, and our goal is to put together a team that can do that… You just don’t get a chance to get these superstar players and have them be on your team in this day and age.” (Stephon Marbury)
27 Responses to “A Couple Knicks Lists”
Dec.10 at 2:10 pm
white hot eboy says:
LMFAO @ everything!!!!!
Dec.10 at 2:13 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I was so psyched to find those quotes, especially the near identical ones (James/Baker, Franchise/Thomas-Mohammed/Morris).
Dec.10 at 2:14 pm
Co Co says:
Too funny.
Dec.10 at 2:15 pm
Gerard Himself says:
brilliant. But just want to know: why the hell is the pope “linked”? People don’t know who the pope is?
Dec.10 at 2:18 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I just felt like linking to the Pope. Sue me.
Dec.10 at 2:20 pm
Gerard Himself says:
If I cared about any form of religion, I would. I’m just glad you didn’t link Britney.
Dec.10 at 2:29 pm
Jared says:
“Zach Randolph Ya’ll!!!”
Dec.10 at 2:34 pm
Myles Brown says:
I heart Russ.
Dec.10 at 2:36 pm
Tom says:
“unique time in his life” thats a good way to describe Vin Baker after Milluakee.
Dec.10 at 2:37 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Isiah on Zach/Eddy: “It’s safe to say that the ball will be in one of their hands most every time down the court. We’ll throw the ball inside. Either it will be in Eddy’s hands on one side or it will be in Zach’s hands on the other.”
Dec.10 at 2:38 pm
Co Co says:
“Or it will be in Steph’s or Jamal’s hands right before going towards the rim”.
Dec.10 at 2:40 pm
Jared says:
Or it will in zachs hands at the top of the key, where he lives, or it’ll be fumbling through eddys hands down low
Dec.10 at 2:41 pm
Jared says:
Doesn’t the military make Atom bombs for enviornments like these?
Dec.10 at 2:47 pm
Captain America says:
gallows humor, damn, it’s that bad
Dec.10 at 2:50 pm
Joel O's says:
Amazing.
Dec.10 at 3:57 pm
Tariq says:
Five things Russ would trade Ben Wallace for in a heartbeat: 1- Lupus.
2- Locusts.
3- Yinka Dare and a second round pick.
4- Two pints of Ben n Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy.
5- An autographed Mr. Ping Ping photo.
Dec.10 at 4:59 pm
Action Jackson says:
Given it is heritage week, any chance of bringing Action, Gerald Wilkins, Ewing, Oakley and Johnny Newman out for the next game?
Dec.10 at 5:11 pm
Hoop Dreamz says:
YINKA DARE???? Never thought I’d see his name ANYWHERE ever again!
Dec.10 at 5:17 pm
dez says:
I’d trade half the damn Knicks roster for an autographed Mr. Ping Ping photo
Dec.10 at 7:58 pm
Mayor Adam West says:
I DO THIS *WAVY HAND MOTIONS* TO GET CLOSER TO GOD. we got zach randolph yall!!!!!!
Dec.10 at 8:15 pm
chiqo says:
lupus? i know ben wallace is aging and all, but damn.
Dec.10 at 8:19 pm
Myles Brown says:
Bjork does get dressed in the dark 99.9 percent of the time, but I liked that swan dress.
Dec.10 at 8:29 pm
chiqo says:
that was a dress?
Dec.10 at 10:52 pm
T-pott says:
Hahaha
Dec.11 at 1:08 am
Bryan says:
This was hilarious.
Dec.11 at 3:07 am
Larry says:
Great research! I was hoping you’d include the Pavlov’s Dog reference he made about Eddy Curry last season.
Dec.11 at 4:22 am
Charles Horton says:
Yo, I’m sick of people dogging Ben Wallace. The brotha starts the season with an injury and gets off slow, suddenly he’s the next great “has been”? Peep these stats: REB ‘07- 9.1; REB CAREER- 10.7 — BLK ‘07- 1.61; BLK CAREER- 2.25 — PTS ‘07- 5.1; PTS CAREER- 6.6 — In addition, his assists are up, while his personal fouls and turnovers are down. Now, check these averages from his last 5 games against some stiff competition — vs. Charlotte (twice), Dallas, Detroit, and Boston: REB 12.4; BLK 2.4; PTS 6.4. Is Ben Wallace overpaid? No doubt. Has he fallen off? Not yet. As a Knick fan, I’d definitely rather have him out there than Eddy Curry. We have enough scorers. Plus, it’s sad when our most intimidating player is one of the shortest guys in the L (no disrespect, Nate; you know I love your intensity).