Links: BEARD CHALLENGE ‘07
DeShawn? Drew? We all win!
So I got an email tonight from Dan Steinberg, one of my main men over at the Washington Post. Dan sent along a link to 
this post over at his DC Sports Bog, detailing the latest trick up Drew Gooden’s sleeve: A Beard-Growing Championship.
After prattling on about Gilbert being injured or scoring or being wacky or something, blah blah blah, DeShawn Stevenson was asked about his unusually full beard. Reports the Sports Bog…
“I’ve got a bet with Drew Gooden,” he said.
Yes, that’s right, our very own DeShawn has made what we’re calling an “undisclosed wager” with the formerly ducktailed Cavs forward Gooden, who began growing his own beard over the summer. Both guys live in Orlando, and they saw each other socially. Gooden had a beard, Stevenson made a comment, and so Gooden challenged him to grow facial hair of his own.
“So I said all right,” Stevenson said. “He said ‘who cuts it first,’ I said let’s do it,” and the rest was history.
Two months later, all is going according to plan. DeShawn says the beard doesn’t itch, and he’s allowed to edge it up to keep from looking “all nasty,” as Wiz beat writer Ivan Carter put it. There was some concern in the locker room that the beard might be a bad-luck charm, what with that 0-5 start and all; Gilbert Arenas kept asking Stevenson to shave it off. But I’d disagree; I’d argue that a long and stringy beard will bring power, and accuracy too; Tolstoy was killer from three-point range. I asked DeShawn what he thought he’d look like in March.
“Probably look like Teen Wolf,” he said one time. “Probably Moses,” he said another time. “Moses with an even cut.”
Also in his post, Dan references my Knicks game notes from the other night, when I wrote…
• Just got an email from Drew Gooden. I’d emailed him the other night at Russ’s behest to tell Drew that with his luxurious neck beard he looks like Abraham Lincoln. Drew’s response…
“LOL! U know I always got something up my sleeve!”
Also on your neck, Drew.
In his email alerting me to this bubbling rivalry, Dan urged me to “get some comments from your boy.”
Well, I’ve got your comment. When asked who he believed will win Beard Challenge ‘07, Gooden showed no hesitation…
“Hopefully me! Its a pretty large wager and I don’t want to lose. I already lost to him in a High School State Championship, but beat him in last year’s Playoffs. This one would put me ahead 2-1 when I win!”
D Good 90
I like Drew’s optimism and his commitment. Drew has previously proven that he possesses a staggering ability to flout societal norms in the pursuit of avant-gard hair stylings. Beard Challenge ‘07 is no different than the legendary ducktail, except it’s on Drew’s face and stuff. He can do this in his sleep.
So, I’m riding with Gooden here, Dan. And Dan, I know you’re supposed to be all “impartial” or whatever, but it’s only natural for you to feel a draw toward DeShawn, who you already call “our very own.” Drew’s not a local guy for The Links, but he is our guy. Does this mean The Bog against The Links? Can we tie the future of our respective content to the facial hair flowing from the faces of these men? It’s like West Side Story, except with beards!
I’m going to keep checking in with Drew about this until we have a clear winner, and hopefully Agent Steinz can keep an eye on DeShawn’s peach fuzz.
(I’m also looking for beard-growing tips, so send those in and I’ll forward the best on to Drew. Also, if any of you bump into DeShawn Stevenson in the street, tell him his beard looks really bad and he should shave it.)
40 Responses to “Links: BEARD CHALLENGE ‘07”
Nov.14 at 1:14 am
luckyluciano says:
first in the HOUSE!!!
Nov.14 at 1:15 am
luckyluciano says:
I finally won something on Slamonline
Nov.14 at 1:36 am
RV says:
when Drew grows some hair ON TOP of his head, then i’ll be impressed..
Nov.14 at 1:40 am
jay says:
so there are tips on beard growing??? i thought you just dont shave, but what do i know, im just a lady.
Nov.14 at 2:24 am
MattP says:
Here are some beard growing tips… http://members.aol.com/Beardguy/beard036.htm
Nov.14 at 2:27 am
Homie says:
This is showing my age, but does anybody remember the beard growing episode of Cheers? Cliff the mailman glued fake hair to his chin to win…it was hilarious. But not as good as the episode with Kevin McHale.
Nov.14 at 3:32 am
Lang Whitaker says:
Cheers is on my DVR list.
Nov.14 at 3:33 am
Justin Adler says:
The NBA, where betting more than the average American’s salary over a f*cking beard happens.
Nov.14 at 4:30 am
its just alex says:
Baron Davis should judge this contest.
Nov.14 at 4:50 am
Tariq says:
You guys should organize a beard challenge for Linkstigators. I would destroy everyone, including Sam.
Nov.14 at 6:09 am
Rome says:
I wanna grow a beard so I can become a priest!!!
Nov.14 at 6:41 am
Pic says:
i wonder what lindsay lohan has to say about this
Nov.14 at 8:03 am
Hisham says:
I wanna grow a beard and wear a turban (sp?)so I can have my own private car each time i board a train
Nov.14 at 8:20 am
Holly MacKenzie says:
Luke Walton’s got something weird going on with the facial/neck hair as well. Maybe he’s in on this bet?
Nov.14 at 8:29 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
Tariq, hate to disappoint you but I have to get mine chopped down by a professional today.
Nov.14 at 8:51 am
Tariq says:
Sam, that just goes to show that I can’t be beat. For my prize I would like one of those red New Era Slam baseball caps I saw Konate wearing in some photo. Thanks. If that’s not possible, I’d like Eboy’s head on a platter instead.
Nov.14 at 10:44 am
Collin says:
I think this should be expanded to include all NBA players ( excluding foreign players, they have an unfair advantage with the speed their beards grow as displayed by Vlade Divac’s half-time 5-o-clock shadow). David Harrison and Scott Pollard immediately come to mind as necessary contestants. Ronnie Turiaf as well. Collison would be down. And I’m pretty sure Steph would make the contest insanely entertaining (especially since he has a little free time on his hands now). Lang, why don’t you give him a call and get him in on this.
Nov.14 at 11:01 am
maio says:
You know it’s a f*cked up world if a DeShawn is growing a beard and a Darko isn’t.
Nov.14 at 11:16 am
SMK says:
of course DeShawn’s beard doesn’t itch; he can’t feel his face
Nov.14 at 11:34 am
BETCATS says:
can i enter the contest
Nov.14 at 12:14 pm
Rubens says:
what can i say when i can’t really grow a good bear in my age… oh, well…
Nov.14 at 1:10 pm
its just alex says:
Hilarious, SMK.
Nov.14 at 1:29 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
I hope Russ enters the Challenge.
Nov.14 at 1:47 pm
Tariq says:
Ooooooooooooooooh. I forgot about Russ. I forfeit.
Nov.14 at 2:59 pm
JohnnyRebel says:
Anyone remember when many years ago Lang’s Links had all sorts of rumors and inside news? Now it’s just one topic per day! Probably because of the new “news and rumors” section. I miss the old days circa 2003.
Nov.14 at 3:00 pm
Tarzan Cooper says:
where is jackie butler? houston?
Nov.14 at 3:10 pm
nothin _personal says:
Collin, Turiaf is French (allegedly!) so hw has to be excluded. Plus, Drew is half-finnish, thus rendeering Deshawn the winner of this contest!
Nov.14 at 3:11 pm
Myles Brown says:
I just want DeShawn to actually win one of these bets.
Nov.14 at 3:31 pm
deestarbuckz says:
My middle school lunch lady would take them both for they loot!
Nov.14 at 4:07 pm
KILLAGORILLA says:
Dude, Drew should try to connect the ducktail with the neck bead and just shave the rest of his head!! He would have like a natural scarf…
Nov.14 at 4:47 pm
deestarbuckz says:
Imagine if Drew concentrated this much on remembering defensive rotations and not zoning out in the middle of the game? I wouldn’t have so many broken remotes and my girl wouldn’t continue wondering who “that ass” was that I keep cursing out on the T.V.
Nov.14 at 6:21 pm
Eoin says:
SMK just made an awesome post and only one person mentioned it.I tip my metaphorical cap to SMK.
Nov.14 at 7:34 pm
i Fux aka Etheraldinho says:
Yo Dwight Gooden does sort of look like Big Abe[||] but Big Abe was way more fresher, No disrespect
Nov.14 at 7:35 pm
i Fux aka Etheraldinho says:
*My Fault Drew Gooden
Nov.15 at 12:48 am
Sesa says:
I think the fastest way to grow a beard is to put a sperm in your face. I know it seems stupid, but it works for me on my college days. now I had to shave it off because beard is somehow not appropriate for the office environment.
Nov.15 at 12:58 am
Sko says:
Sesa didn’t happen, so I’m co-signing, with Eoin
Nov.19 at 6:32 pm
Chief says:
Baron Davis is gonna find a way to win this contest. That Beard is unstoppable.
Dec.11 at 11:20 am
Carolyn says:
Just wanted to let you know I have done my part to answer your call for maximum beard coverage: http://blog.cleveland.com/andone
Jan.31 at 2:19 pm
Hugues M says:
you’re right to not include international players cuz Pau Gasol would end up an incontested winner.
Mar.20 at 12:54 am
The Starting Five - Best Basketball Facial Hair Of All Time… : HalfCourtHeave says:
[…] (Picture from SLAMOnline) As many of you know, Drew Gooden and DeShawn Stevenson have been growing some kick ass beards this season. The reason behind it…a silly ass bet. Seeing these (Everyone loves beards - If you don’t love beards you are not American!) got me thinking, which players have the best beards in NBA history (Drew Gooden and DeShawn Stevenson not included): […]