The tell-tale t-shirt of a NERD
A farmer gets dragged through the mud or whatever substance makes up the ground on a farm, dirt perhaps?
If I’ve ever said it’s slow around here in the past, clearly I was not looking forward to September 10, 2007. Today I plan to use my time at the office to work on something that will accompany someone else’s post later in the week, which should take some time. Other than that, it’s hard to even think of basketball topics to think about, let alone write about. But don’t worry, I’ve got you covered on the entertainment side. I am going to mock and insult a co-worker in humorous fashion! And face it, that’s what you care about deep down inside, at least those of you who are ‘core enough to check a basketball website daily throughout the summertime.
Yesterday was the first NFL football Sunday of the ‘07 season. I can’t really commit to watching football when its 85 degrees outside. In and out of the house all day, I did see the sweet highlights of the Eagles muffing two punts. Rumor has it that Khalid, he of the 13-3 pre-season prediction for the Eagles, is out of the office today. I will admit the thought occurred to me to send him a text message yesterday which would read “12-4?” but I held back. Some friends came over to watch the Giants-Cowboys game and I told them nothing that could possibly happen in the game could dampen our collective joy over the Eagles loss. That may have been a mistake.
The only Giant I respect, Brandon Jacobs, left the game with a knee injury and people are looking for his replacement already. Eli Manning, the face that launched a thousand of funny insults, played one of the best games of his career but ended up getting injured and sitting out the end. The defense was, if you need an NBA equivalent, kind of like the Memphis Grizzlies under Tony Barone last season but even less physical. Michael Strahan returned with a beard and seemingly weighing about 150 pounds. No disrespect to myself, but when an NFL team’s star defensive tackle is trying to look like me, that team is in trouble. Osi Umenyiora who is supposed to be the next big star pass rusher in the game, got hurt once again. The ex-running back who wrote a book was on national TV marketing himself like he just didn’t spend the past week insulting the intelligence of the only fanbase he ever had. On Friday, I wrote a little bit about HGH and how you can get into trouble for taking it, but I think I might load up on some and get real big so I can fight Tiki Barber to the death. His death. What, you think these hands have been soaking in ivory all these years?
But enough of my kindness and sunshine. It’s time for the main event. Inspired by bitterness? Sure.
Now you may be familiar with Ryan Jones. He comments a lot on this site, and he’s even been known to write a post from time to time, usually having to do with, I’m not sure what the PC term is for this, but white trash no offense. Ryan often takes a stand about how playing video games is not “cool” or he will call those of us who grew up playing video games “nerds.”
And then Ryan shows up at the office on Friday wearing this shirt:
That my friends, is Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl or possibly Tecmo Superbowl. Reduced to an attention grabbing image on a t-shirt. And what is the purpose of a t-shirt like that? To give off the appearance of cool. So Ryan Jones, the most outspoken critic of the nerdiness of the video game players of this world, is now seen wearing the t-shirt of the most iconic sports video game of all-time? This is the biggest scandal since Larry Craig’s bathroom adventures.
You may also notice that I have framed Ryan in the photo alongside images of Mike Vick and Kobe Bryant. That’s a little something called divine inspiration of the artist. I studied film briefly in college, and I believe this is what you might call Mise en scene. Is it nerdy of me to know that? Is it nerdy if I say that I can’t wait for the return of Heroes on September 24th? What if I were to say that the greatest video game of all-time is in fact Sid Meier’s Civilization IV? Well, take notes on all of that nerdiness Jones, and who knows, maybe you can find a t-shirt with pictures of them in ten years.
I’m sure Ryan’s retaliation will be swift and snarky. He is actually writing the most important post of the week this week, so I could not have picked a worse time to do this. I thought about apologizing for straying so far from basketball, but you know what it is summertime and this is entertainment too.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Good luck topping that everyone else writing posts for slamonline this week!
112 Responses to “The tell-tale t-shirt of a NERD”
Sep.10 at 9:07 am
Keith says:
Abusing co-workers is always a great pastime but on this occasion Sam, I feel your abuse is misplaced. Purely because that T-shirt rocks.
Sep.10 at 9:17 am
white hot eboy says:
The mystery was much better in Ryan’s lack of photographic evidence. When your Simpson’s image does you more justice than your actual real-life counterpart, you know you’re struggling with acceptance issues. Hence the Tecmo Bowl shirt. Big fuc*ing nerd. Sam, you made my Monday if not my entire summer. Ryan, you better tread lightly, because the reader backlash is going to be hillarious. Another dude that weighs about 170 with the mouth and the keyboard skills of a 290 lb death dealer. I love you even more now, Ryan. Sam, you are the King of the World today.
Sep.10 at 9:48 am
Ben Osborne says:
Sam, the Eagle loss was tremendous and in further positive NFL news, I must say last night was the most I’ve ever liked Eli. I can’t believe how much I’m hoping his shoulder is okay. The defense, though. Yikes. No comment on our DBs. No comment on Ryan, either. I will just sit back and enjoy the battle.
Sep.10 at 9:49 am
white hot eboy says:
Smart man, Ben.
Sep.10 at 9:56 am
Jake Appleman says:
I’m not sure what to say
Sep.10 at 10:15 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
I want to thank the NY Giants defense for giving my fangs the venom they needed to write this post. The Giants lost and it wasn’t Eli’s fault. That looks weird seeing it written.
Sep.10 at 10:17 am
Hisham says:
This is kind of like seeing the face of the movietrailer-narrator-guy.. weird!
Sep.10 at 10:19 am
white hot eboy says:
Hisham, I’ve seen that guy on tv, he’s actually a decent-looking man. Ryan…not so much.
Sep.10 at 10:19 am
Hisham says:
Like, a couple years ago, before the SI gig with the picture on top of every column, i thought Lang was black
Sep.10 at 10:24 am
white hot eboy says:
Hisham, why, because he used the word wifey and named his dog Starbury? So you were one of those guys, huh?
Sep.10 at 10:26 am
Hisham says:
YEAH that is exactly why haha
Sep.10 at 10:28 am
Hisham says:
i guess it was the easy association to make.. One of which guys exactly?
Sep.10 at 10:29 am
Hisham says:
plus last name Whitaker like Forrest (sp?) again, the easy association to make
Sep.10 at 10:34 am
white hot eboy says:
There has always been a segment of readers in the past that thought Lang was black for those reasons (among others) that’s what I meant. Like you said, until Lang started to write for SI and had his photo posted, there was still a group of readers that didn’t realize it.
Sep.10 at 10:39 am
Rasheedionics says:
Giants got slapped around worse than what Kid Rock did to Tommy Lee last night… You just don’t mess with 8 Mile.
Sep.10 at 10:40 am
Cheryl says:
Well, this should be fun. I’ll just say, for the Eagles fans here: Well, at least the Redskins won…
Sep.10 at 10:48 am
Hisham says:
yeah well, all i’m saying is that it wasn’t that big of a reach to picture a him as a black guy.. Lang if you read this, it must be equally weird to you to be the subject of thhis discussion
Sep.10 at 10:49 am
Hisham says:
i know you’re not black because there’s no such thing as a black WOP
Sep.10 at 10:50 am
Hisham says:
(that was directed at eboy)
Sep.10 at 10:51 am
white hot eboy says:
Hisham, you’re very wrong. Ever hear of Franco Harris?
Sep.10 at 10:54 am
Hisham says:
no, i haven’t.. i guess that’s another illusion that i can throw out the window.. i wanted to keep the dream alive!
Sep.10 at 10:54 am
Hisham says:
but i still know you’re not black.
Sep.10 at 10:55 am
white hot eboy says:
H, not a fan of American football, huh? He’s semi-legendary here, escpecially if you’re a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
Sep.10 at 10:56 am
Keith says:
I always thought Ryan was a farmer. I’m disappointed to not see him wearing a farmer’s hat.
Sep.10 at 11:00 am
Hisham says:
that’s the thing where the ball isn’t really a ball and the “foot” part is limited to about 5-10 percent of the game? i like that sport, but don’t know too much about it
Sep.10 at 11:05 am
white hot eboy says:
Exactly.
Sep.10 at 11:12 am
Ryan Jones says:
Make sure you click on the link entitled “Meet the Gamers”
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/king_of_kong/trailers_player.php?IGNMediaID=2086184&playerType=playlist
Sep.10 at 11:12 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
by the way Keith I got no quarrel with the t-shirt or with Ryan himself. It is the combination of the two that is upsetting. I know the Tecmo Bowl playbooks better than Peyton knows the Colts offense.
Sep.10 at 11:18 am
H to the izzo says:
I’m ashamed to say I look like Ryan,but a better version..obvously
Sep.10 at 11:21 am
white hot eboy says:
Izzo, poor you.
Sep.10 at 11:23 am
H to the izzo says:
A much better version let it be known
Sep.10 at 11:24 am
white hot eboy says:
That’s better.
Sep.10 at 11:37 am
Boing Dynasty says:
I never realized how thankful iam that i dont have to look at large posters of Jermaine Dupree’s face for 8 hours a day.
Ryan is totally gay for Bo Jackson
I actually thought about watching the Lions/Raiders game for a minute, till i heard the name Josh Mcown
Sep.10 at 11:37 am
H to the izzo says:
And to those who thought Lang was black,Whitaker is a Scottish name I think.There’s not that many black Scottish people,apart from that terrible movie where Sam Jackson wears a kilt.P.S Check my blog.Sorry to those not interested.Translation:Sorry to all
Sep.10 at 11:39 am
Steve O says:
For the record the Bears were unstoppable in Tecmo Bowl. Also I think that is a classic shirt, ironic or not.
Sep.10 at 11:44 am
white hot eboy says:
Izzo, I read it. Nice work. Interesting topic. You need an editor. Love Eboy.
Sep.10 at 11:49 am
H to the izzo says:
Eboy:It was originally much longer,so if I had to read over again I would have probably killed it.And it would have been a bit too focused for my liking
Sep.10 at 11:56 am
Ryan Jones says:
I’ve been moderated. 11:12 am. Enjoy the link.
Sep.10 at 12:01 pm
H to the izzo says:
Great contribution as always Ryan.In the video,does that first guy not see his moustache?
Sep.10 at 12:23 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
taking too long to load. The internet here suuuuuuuuucks. I appreciate the high road comeback though. I feel sorry for Mutoni today. It’s dead out there!
Sep.10 at 1:21 pm
Tarzan Cooper says:
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!
Sep.10 at 1:28 pm
Ben Collins says:
That secondary made Tony Romo look like Jesus Christ last night. Was that screencap on Ryan’s shirt of Tecmo Bo being covered by RW McQuarters? Because that would make sense.
Sep.10 at 1:45 pm
white hot eboy says:
Does Romo have the most awkward release in the league? It’s side arm/short arm in form, but sh*t, he ate the G-men up last night.
Sep.10 at 1:46 pm
Cub Buenning says:
Speaking of quarterbacking saviors… We gots us a floppy headed Commodore out here in Denver, who was flingin’ it all over the yard yesterday. Still needed a last second field goal, BUT, road wins in the NFL are huge, regardless of opponent.
TECMO: Bears-you couldn’t stop Sweetness or Singletary, as long as you knew how to use them. LT was the same, could block every field goal. That shirt is dope, Ryan. I pretty much hate on the new breed of gaming (ie post-PS1) but TECMO and others from the NES/Genesis generation are timeless. Bo could shake a crowd of fools off his back.
Sep.10 at 1:47 pm
Cub Buenning says:
eboy, almost Kosaresque?
Sep.10 at 1:50 pm
white hot eboy says:
Yeah, Cub, great comparison.
Sep.10 at 1:54 pm
jbn74sb says:
From the look of those “biceps” creeping out from that shirt, someone else should have been receiving HGH shipments from the Florida pharmacy in 2004.
Sep.10 at 1:55 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Those are sportswriter guns, Bodie. My arms are exactly as big as they need to be to do my job.
Sep.10 at 1:56 pm
white hot eboy says:
Bodie, thank you for for stepping up! Finally.
Sep.10 at 1:57 pm
white hot eboy says:
Sportswriter guns=hairy pipe cleaners
Sep.10 at 2:02 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Also, I shoot a lot of heroin.
Sep.10 at 2:09 pm
duderson mccool says:
Bo Jackson in Tecmo Super Bowl was the best running back ever digital or otherwise. I ran him for 1000 yards in one game. I kid you not. Who is the nerd now?
Sep.10 at 2:10 pm
white hot eboy says:
Ryan, I guess that plays to the fact that you resemble Matthew Fox with a severe drug problem.
Sep.10 at 2:11 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Mike Dunleavy has sportswriter guns.
Sep.10 at 2:11 pm
Cub Buenning says:
Some other farmer-tanned (or golf) guns will be on full display in just days….. Ryan, quit giving away our secrets.
Sep.10 at 2:12 pm
Jake Appleman says:
And, as someone with sportswriter guns, I never really got the whole point of working out anyway. Big muscles are so AC Slater early 90’s.
Sep.10 at 2:15 pm
peteb80 says:
Ryan, have you seen “The King of Kong”? I laughed my ass off. I have never hated anyone as passionately as Billy Mitchell. It might be the best film of 2007.
Sep.10 at 2:16 pm
mutoni says:
working out is over rated. that and i’m unspeakably lazy.
Sep.10 at 2:16 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
in the original Tecmo, it is true that LT was so fast you can’t even kick an extra point against the Giants. However, since it was a game of 9 on 9, it was LTs job to cover Jerry Rice. If you blitzed it was a TD the other way.
I don’t know about a 1,000 yard game but I think I pulled off an 8,000 yard season with Barry Sanders once.
Sep.10 at 2:28 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Haven’t yet, peteb, but it’s on my short list. I pretty much only watch documentaries. I leave the new-school video games and big-budget special-effects-laden flicks to —-s like Sam.
Sep.10 at 2:36 pm
peteb80 says:
There’s another very well done documentary I watched recently that I really liked called “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” about a manic depressive artist/songwriter. I think it’s available on DVD.
Sep.10 at 2:39 pm
H to the izzo says:
Peteb:I saw that,it was pretty good but very odd.The only movie I payed money to see this year was The Simpson,does that say more about me or the movie industry,I’m holding out hope on “I’m not there” though
Sep.10 at 2:49 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
Best documentary of the year: “White Light, Black Rain” on HBO about the survivors and politics of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.
Sep.10 at 2:52 pm
Tarzan Cooper says:
anyone else notice how on the day gil talks about the glove, gp is considering retiring or going to oakland?
Sep.10 at 2:55 pm
peteb80 says:
Izzo, I’ve only seen like a five second clip from that with Richard Gere as Bob Dylan and I wanted to kick him in the face out of pure instinct, but (after checking imdb) I guess you can’t go wrong with Christian Bale and Tobias Funke in the same movie.
Sep.10 at 2:56 pm
white hot eboy says:
No has seen “Planet Earth” on Discovery, huh? How about something relevant in today’s society, boys?
Sep.10 at 2:58 pm
Ryan Jones says:
I’ve seen two movies in theaters this year: Knocked Up and Bourne Ultimatum. I enjoyed both. Mostly I rent docs and foreign films from Netflix, because I am a snob.
Sep.10 at 3:02 pm
H to the izzo says:
PeteB:Luckily Gere is one 7th of Dylan in it.He is playing hobo Dylan.And I also want to kick him in the face-Cate Blanchette will probably win an oscar for playing Dylan too.
Sep.10 at 3:04 pm
Ryan Jones says:
I watched White Light/Black Rain last week, Sam, and I am still f*cked up. Also DVR’d the Tony Soprano/Iraq vet doc that debuted last night, and you know I’ll watch each and every one of the 97 hours of Ken Burns’ The War. I’m also working on a feature for my day job interviewing a bunch of Iraq vets, which is a good reminder that while war is really interesting for those of us who never have to fight in one, it tends to be pretty f*cking horrible for those who do.
Sep.10 at 3:05 pm
Ryan Jones says:
About war, though: It’s great for the economy!
Sep.10 at 3:41 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
I’ve been editing a short “documentary” all day with you in it pretty boy.
Sep.10 at 3:45 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Please tell me Ryan’s finally writing the long-awaited Kobe tell-all. Er, tell-some. And the last time Ryan weighed 170 was when he was in high school, probably.
Sep.10 at 3:48 pm
white hot eboy says:
Russ, does that mean Ryan looks like Star Jones from the waist down, circa 2003?
Sep.10 at 3:58 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Sam’s sudden interest in my appearance seems unhealthy, doesn’t it?
Sep.10 at 4:01 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
You think? And no, it means that Ryan is like, what, 6-2? Hell, I’m a skinny bastard, and I’m 6-0, 180 (or thereabouts). Then again, I ride a bicycle every single day (and when I say ride, I don’t mean just pedal 10 blocks and back).
Sep.10 at 4:02 pm
Ryan Jones says:
On another nerd-friendly topic, I’m also not normally big on movies inspired by toys or comic book characters… but if you haven’t already, I’d urge you to find the preview clip for Ironman. Now.
Sep.10 at 4:03 pm
Ryan Jones says:
At my recent skinniest, I’ve actually been pretty close to 170. And it’s 6-2 1/2, Russ.
Sep.10 at 4:07 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
The Ironman trailer’s old news. Ghostface is allegedly in the movie as an arms dealer in a nod to the name.
Sep.10 at 4:09 pm
white hot eboy says:
Ryan, if you’d like some ammo, I’m a huge Iron Man fan since I was a kid. More than any other comic book character. And the trailer is awesome. Nerd comments expected. Thanks.
Sep.10 at 4:12 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Threads about Ryan generate almost as many responses as threads about The Laker Who Shall Not Be Named. I’m not sure how to feel about this.
Sep.10 at 4:14 pm
jbn74sb says:
Can we leave the movies alone for a bit, and get back to making fun of Ryan’s peashooters and pasty-in-the-middle-of-summer appearance? I thought everyone who lived in the midwest was fat. Can anyone say eating disorder?
Sep.10 at 4:15 pm
white hot eboy says:
Russ, the only difference is that about half of these went off-topic while the Mamba holds your attention with his venomous stare. Plus Ryan hasn’t played along too well. He’s been awful tame all day.
Sep.10 at 4:18 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Pennsylvania isn’t really the Midwest, bodie. We prefer “mid-Atlantic,” but only because it sounds better than “that state that should probably be next to Mississippi but somehow ended up north of the Mason-Dixon line.” But everything else you said, I agree. I’m scrawny and pale! Let’s see Abbot link to THIS one!
Sep.10 at 4:20 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
manorexia is not funny! Wow that looks kind of funny seeing it written like that.
Sep.10 at 4:21 pm
white hot eboy says:
Did Bodie really say Pennsylvania was in the Midwest. Yes, he did, at 4:14p. Unreal. Bodie you are a citizen of this country right. If Izzo or Hisham said it, it would be expected, but you. Come on, you have to be loaded on a Monday right?
Sep.10 at 4:23 pm
Ryan Jones says:
In semi-fairness, eboy, my school is a member of the signature Midwestern football conference.
Sep.10 at 4:26 pm
Ryan Jones says:
…and when you grow up in California, everything east of Nevada kind of blurs together anyway.
I can’t believe I’m defending bodie. Much like the tiny little muscles in my arms, I must be going soft.
Sep.10 at 4:26 pm
jbn74sb says:
Plus, his heart is in Cleveland.
Sep.10 at 4:26 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
that reminds me Ryan, the guy writing the Knicks season preview went to Michigan and is a big Michigan fan. But he has no pride in his college team. Good training for writing a KNicks preview.
Sep.10 at 4:29 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
And pasty = healthy. Not interested in doing any first-hand research on melanoma, thanks.
Sep.10 at 4:32 pm
white hot eboy says:
Russ, suntan lotion works miracles if used correctly. SPF 435, son!
Sep.10 at 4:34 pm
Ben Osborne says:
As we steam towards 100 comments, it’s clear that Ryan is this site’s new Kobe.
Sep.10 at 4:36 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
DON’T SAY THAT NAME!!!!
Sep.10 at 4:40 pm
white hot eboy says:
Kobe, Kobe, Kobe, Kobe, Kobe. I looked in a mirror in our waiting room and 24 didn’t appear. Soft bit*h. He’s fearing me right now.
Sep.10 at 4:40 pm
white hot eboy says:
Sorry Russ.
Sep.10 at 4:51 pm
Ryan Jones says:
And to think, I never even ra… oh, never mind.
Sep.10 at 4:52 pm
white hot eboy says:
Good boy, Ryan. Best comment of the day.
Sep.10 at 4:56 pm
Ryan Jones says:
“rapped,” I was going to say.
Sep.10 at 5:24 pm
Jake Appleman says:
6′2 and a half in heels. Maybe.
Sep.10 at 5:29 pm
Myles Brown says:
Endzone to endzone. And I wouldnt rock that shirt, but I like it.
Sep.10 at 5:31 pm
Ben Osborne says:
Russ, I didn’t see the “Laker who shall not be named” comment when I wrote mine. Yours was funnier. Anyway, 100!
Sep.10 at 5:31 pm
Ben Osborne says:
But Ryan, are you “6-9 with the afro”?
Sep.10 at 5:33 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Maybe not, Myles, but Max Airington would.
Sep.10 at 5:42 pm
Myles Brown says:
Yeah, Max is stylish like that. Green just isn’t my color though.
Sep.10 at 5:46 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
All the joy of the Eagles loss is now officially gone: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20711842/
Salaam… you did this somehow!
Sep.10 at 5:52 pm
Rubens says:
Bo knows everything from sports to other stuff, but i bet you Bo don’t know how to… and eboy i was one of those guys too..
Sep.10 at 5:52 pm
Rubens says:
and Sam stop stealing my first name…
Sep.10 at 6:06 pm
jbn74sb says:
Wait - Eli separated his shoulder? He must be tougher than he looks. And, does this mean that the Giants will now be starting a 285 pound quarterback who tried to slide for a first down?
Sep.10 at 6:12 pm
jbn74sb says:
At least he’s got cool nicknames. From wikipedia:
“The left-handed Lorenzen was well-known at Kentucky for his size, tipping the scales at 322 lbs at one point in his career. He has since slimmed down to around 285 lbs, but is still an intimidating presence behind center. Because of his size he has a collection of colorful nicknames, including “Quarter(got)back”, “Hefty Lefty”, “The Pillsbury Throwboy”, “J.Load”, “Round Mound of Touchdown”,”BBQ (Big Beautiful Quarterback)” and “J-Lo.” I am without an NFL team, and I just might have to start rooting for the Giants.
Sep.10 at 9:20 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
It doesn’t really get any better than The Pillsbury Throwboy.
Sep.10 at 11:53 pm
Chris O says:
My google alert for writers with pipe cleaner arms brought me here. Ryan, your Kobe comment made me laugh like a jr high kid who just saw a joke go officially too far, but has to laugh at its hilarity anyway.
Sep.11 at 8:22 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
when I got home last night, I discovered that someone who brought beer to the game viewing left them in the freezer. They exploded leaving behind shattered glass before I could enjoy drinking them. There’s your metaphor for the Giants season.
Mutoni will have the Greg Oden story soon enough. Bad newz knees.