By Sam Rubenstein

I hate to subject you all to this, but it has to be done. Every time the Mets get it together and look like a team that’s ready to cruise into the playoffs, I start to show signs of the ultimate deadly sin, pride. That’s when they get cocky and drag their fans through the torture chamber. It puts me in a weird position. If I say hateful things about them, I look like a petty non-believer but the team wins games. If I stand by them like a “real fan”, then it’s nothing but heartbreak and misery as they continue to collapse.

Hmmmm….

………..

I’ve made my choice.

John Maine you’re not good enough to even be considered a bust. Bring back Mr and Mrs. Anna Benson. Oliver Perez, you are the reason why the cross-eyed should not be allowed to throw things at people. Tom Glavine, we know you’re still working for the other side Mr. 300. Snitch. Aaron Heilman, you went to Notre Dame and you are worse at pitching than your college is at football. El Duque, you are a clutch pitcher but it’s amazing how un-clutch you are at choosing a time to get injured and miss starts. PEDRO, oh the tortured artist the precious soul that is as delicate as a flower from your garden. Your cursed Red Sox blood is infecting the team. Guillermo Mota, please stop it. Just don’t show up to work anymore and nobody will notice. Pedro Feliciano, I’ve got nothing direct to say so I’ll just lump you in with the rest of the bullpen and say you all suck. Especially you Schoeneweis. And Jorge Sosa, you lost a starting job in this rotation? Mike Pelfrey, so young so innocent. Dead to me at age 23. Billy Wagner, the best case scenario for the Mets is they make it to the World Series and Billy blows it. Really the biggest question of the season to be answered is will Billy blow it in the World Series, the LCS, the division series, or earlier? Not if, but when. Paul LoDuca, making $6 million in taxable income and who knows how much off the books. My favorite player on the team. This hurts to say but it’s 2007 and you need to save that energy for trying to hit a double or homer every few months and stop wasting it on the umps. Carlos Delgado, the puzzle. How can someone be so bad that it cripples a team’s offense, then when he finally bows out to injury it gets even worse? Luis Castillo/Ruben Gotay, from now on don’t swing at anything ever. Jose Reyes, oh boy. Best player in baseball or third best shortstop in his own division? David Wright… maybe the recent MVP buzz got the team to relax too much. I started hyping his 30/30 season a little too much myself. Davey, you made a million horrible commercials in the offseason and did nothing in the first half. Be the MVP. You are the only hope that can carry these losers. Carlos Beltran, the only thing Willie Randolph was ever right about is that you ain’t hungry! I wish NY sports tabloid columnists would stop spending so much time worrying about ARod and more time putting you out there for the world to see what you are. Streaky, soft, the opposite of the almighty Lenny Dykstra in every possible way. Moises, you look like a turtle without a shell, and you get hurt just as much. LMillz, when a minor leaguer is called up to the bigs he’s supposed to learn the game and become smarter at least on the field smarter. It’s not happening. You play like Soriano in a permanent 0-2 count. Shawn Green, you have a lot of repenting to do this Saturday. Jeff Conine you are the proof that Omar Minaya may not be the world’s greatest genius. Endy Chavez, well some people are above rage-aholic hate even on a day like this. And finally, Slick Willie Randolph. When did the Mets acquire the services of this astute baseball mind? Oh yeah that’s right. In the off-season before the 2005 season when he was coming off a stint working for a team that just finished the biggest playoff collapse in the history of professional sports. Thanks for bringing that baggage over here.

Can I say this was theraputic if I’m more depressed now than before I wrote it? I was going to write something along the lines of wow, could the Isiah era really be coming to a close and who will carry on the Layden-Thomas tradition of bad to worse, but… angry.

Don’t worry though, when I get to the office I am posting something that someone else wrote which will make the world a better place and right the wrongs of the past. We are all lucky to be able to read it today. You’ll see. This is called suspense.