Lifestyles of the Rich and Overpaid
The Fabulous Life of Brian Grant
By Robin Leach (as told to Jake Appleman)
You might only know him from Biggie’s lyric, “I made the change from a common thief / To up close and personal with Robin Leach.” You might actually know him very well from his various shows on E detailing the extravagant lives of the rich and famous. What you probably didn’t know is that Robin Leach is a huge NBA fan. And nothing pisses him off more than players that don’t earn their keep. SLAM caught up with Leach at a lameness convention, where Leach, one by one, detailed (via monologue) his humorous disdain for overpaid ballers.
Once a solid performer with dreadlocks that flopped with the intensity of a solid box out, Brian Grant spent the 06-07 campaign stealing money.
How much might you ask? Counting for roughly 15.8 million dollars against the Los Angeles Lakers’ cap and 1.8 against the Boston Celtics’ cap in 2007, the retired Grant not only invested himself heavily in the two storied franchises, HE BOUGHT THE RIVALRY. Take that, Bill Russel’s pension! Take that, Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s yard sale!
It has been reported that Grant, who fell in love with Jamaican culture on a vacation with his girlfriend, is an avid collector anything Jamaican. Not only has Grant spent a few million to secure one of Jamaica’s nicest private beaches, he had it detailed with sand sculptures of Ziggy Marley.
Those who are lucky enough to land their private helicopters on Grant’s private Heli-pad, can also enjoy Grant’s hella-pad when they stay at his 47,000 foot private estate. Might we suggest the guest house. It’s made entirely of hemp.
To top it all off, he bought Sanka from Cool Runnings.
Now that he’s chilling in Jamaica, vultures that want a piece of the action can sift through expensive rasta-related items in Grant’s California pool house. He calls it Malibu.
While the 7 year 86 million dollar deal he signed with Miami in 2000 enables him to buy lots of cars and houses, Grant, who was named the winner of the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award for the 1998-99 season in recognition of his outstanding community service and charitable work, is a pretty cool guy. It was reported by SLAM magazine that Grant donated 1 million dollars recently to local Boys and Girls Clubs. And if he didn’t, he probably should have.
Traded to the Lakers from the Heat so that Mitch Kupcheck could absorb trading Shaq, Grant averaged no more than an underwhelming 3.8 points per game for LA.
In his only season with the Lakers, somebody forgot to tell Kobe to pass the ball to Grant. But why should Kobe have passed to Grant, you ask?
Because he’s money.
35 Responses to “Lifestyles of the Rich and Overpaid”
Jul.30 at 11:50 am
thomas says:
ha! good to know grant is keeping himself grounded with sanka.
Jul.30 at 11:51 am
jaytrey says:
i remember when brian grant was the duncan stopper that year in the playoffs when sean elliott hit the miracle shot over the outstretched finger tips of sheed…what a long time ago that seems
Jul.30 at 11:54 am
white hot eboy says:
Jake, he is STILL a female-fan favorite in Miami. He was at a regular season game last year and when they flashed his face on the Jumbotron, it sounded as if the seats had vibrators built into them from the screaming and whistling that was going on.
Jul.30 at 11:56 am
Max Airington says:
Jake Appleman, one of a kind. Nice work dude.
Jul.30 at 11:59 am
Jake Appleman says:
thomas, you wanna kiss my egg, man?
Jul.30 at 12:18 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I’m confused. Not that this is unusual.
Jul.30 at 12:31 pm
Cheryl says:
Yeah, I met him at a Maxwell concert, when he still played for Miami. Very cool, down to earth guy. And yes, Eboy, quite handsome that dreaded brotha. Trust.
Jul.30 at 12:38 pm
Ryan Jones says:
What Russ said. Jake, about that porfolio you’re compiling? Don’t include this.
Jul.30 at 12:39 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Which is not to say I didn’t enjoy it…
Jul.30 at 1:13 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I kind of didn’t. Sorry, Jake.
Jul.30 at 2:17 pm
Dblizzy! says:
“Those who are lucky enough to land their private helicopters on Grant’s private Heli-pad, can also enjoy Grant’s hella-pad” Sounds like a cam’ron rhyme. Where’s Rubenstein!
Jul.30 at 2:21 pm
Skillet Forilla says:
Did he run over your dog? Why all the disdain for BG? He was a hell of a warrior before he gimped out.
Jul.30 at 2:24 pm
albie1kenobi says:
ahhh…Biggie. saying that’s an AWESOME song is an understatement.
and Cheryl, any news with Maxwell lately? seems like he just dropped off the face of the earth or something.
Jul.30 at 2:46 pm
white hot eboy says:
I thought Brian Grant was phenomonal when he was with the Kings.
Jul.30 at 2:48 pm
Raynman says:
sanka, you dead??
Jul.30 at 2:55 pm
Mike C. says:
BG could have been this generation’s Charles Oakley. Except he got hurt. And instead of being paid like Charles Oakley, he got paid like a hall of famer.
Jul.30 at 2:59 pm
Nadav says:
Jake, I alive, maan?
Jul.30 at 2:59 pm
Nadav says:
you alive…damnit I see powa, i see pride, i see a bad ass mutha
Jul.30 at 3:35 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Ryan is Irv Blitzer. Sam is Derice Bannock. Nadav is Sanka Coffie. I am Junior. And Russ is Yul Brenner.
Jul.30 at 3:38 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Also, anybody who misinterprets this as an attack on BG is doing exactly that: misinterpreting. Dude actually worked in his hands to the bone in his family’s field if my memory serves me right. This is simply the combination of a correlation between production and dollars spliced with Robin Leach.
Jul.30 at 3:47 pm
illydiva says:
Maybe BG can tell Matt Geiger how to get a heli-pad on his property.
Jul.30 at 4:09 pm
Nadav says:
wait, so who’s John Candy? Lang?
Jul.30 at 4:10 pm
Cheryl says:
the rumor is Maxwell’s got music, but the lyrical content is too, shall we say, risque’ for Columbia. which seems like total b.s. if it’s true. so, it’s okay to demean women, glorify gangterism and black on black violence, but male to male love is out of the freakin’ question? hmmm… is this the start of a new topic? anyway, it’s all rumors, so you didn’t hear it from me…
Jul.30 at 4:10 pm
The Allrights says:
this robin leach bit doesn’t work. have you ever watched the man? this could have been funny if the diction, tone, and verbage sounded like Robin Leach. it don’t. someone else is stealing money– JAKE?
Jul.30 at 5:09 pm
Dblizzy! says:
male to male love??? Maxwell is gay? Or does he just like to sing about it…
Jul.30 at 5:26 pm
Jake Appleman says:
The Allrights, The whole introductory paragraph is your cue to shoulder some of the creative responsibility and imagine dude speaking it. I know some of our readers have that capacity. I originally wanted to do the voice–and could if need be–but that would be over the top and, by and large, unnecessary. And stealing money? Come on bro. How often do you read this site?
Jul.30 at 5:50 pm
albie1kenobi says:
wait, Cheryl, male to male love????
i thought his lyrics were indeed a little risque, but i didn’t pick up any trace that it’s about that. where did you hear this from? (or at least clue me in on the lyrics).
Jul.30 at 6:01 pm
Madtice says:
BG was fun… Now he’s more fun.
Jul.30 at 6:59 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I just love that Brian Grant didn’t discover Bob Marley until after he was in the NBA (if I remember correctly). Didn’t he go to college? I’m pretty sure at LEAST every other person on my floor owned ‘Legend.’
Jul.30 at 7:22 pm
Reggie Evans says:
BG: “I’M RICH, BIATCH!”
Jul.30 at 7:26 pm
The Allrights says:
Jake- now you know how BG feels. Not nice, is it? LOL. B.T.W. Got you.
Jul.30 at 7:42 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Not nice? I doubt he’ll ever see this. And he has close to a hundred mill pre-tax in the bank, so i doubt he’d care anyway…Uh oh, I think you got me again.
Jul.30 at 8:07 pm
The Allrights says:
keep rocking, Jake!
Jul.30 at 9:24 pm
Jesus Shuttlesworth says:
i’ve been to his house in jamaica, its really nice. he showed me his, ummm, tobacco pipe collection. they dont have a wnba team though
Jul.31 at 10:14 am
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
I’m confused. Aren’t B. Grant and Maxwell the same person? Fool me once, shame on - shame on you…