Inspiration From the King(’s struggles)
LeBron’s exploits (or lack thereof) dictate a debut column.
Hey everyone it’s Sam. Just want to introduce the debut blog of one of our new slamonline interns. We had a serious business lunch today and now it’s time to get down to serious business. Okay, stepping out of the way. This is Jon’s debut. ENJOY!!!
By Jon Wiener
So I got this dazzling idea yesterday to cast my “debut” SLAM column as a parallel with LeBron’s debut performance in the NBA Finals- “Youngster With Transcendent Talent Opens With Flourish On the Big Stage”- I had the metaphor so thoroughly conceived it was bordering on a revelation.
Naturally it took about two Cleveland possessions and one segment of San Antonio’s “Operation Assault LeBron” for me to scrap the idea entirely. How could I equate the obstacles of a first column with the obstacles of LeBron’s NBA Finals debut, a.k.a. the Spurs’ defense? Cut off my hands? Blow up my computer? Forget the English language?
No, inexperience and a broken ‘R’ key don’t quite stack up to multiple battles with the Bruce Bowen Brigades. And unless I want my column to read like the stat-line of 14 pts, 6 TO’S, and 4-16 shooting does (horribly), I’m gonna refrain from the parallels between myself and King James for now. Just remember that the kid can (and will) play ball.
But dammit LeBron was my subject! And whether it’s Madden play-action passing (do it) or Lil Wayne’s pedigree (yes, I agree with his repetitive proclamation- yes, that one), I rarely waver from an original philosophy. So in honor of James’ 4-16 bomb in Game One, I’ll introduce myself and my basketball wires with 12 (count ‘em, 12, one for each atrocious LeBron miss) “Points for Pontification” from the world of basketball.
The Finals. I’m sure that by now our man Lang (with all his excruciating free-time) has concocted 84 different ways to write “blow-out.”
My (rest of) The Finals prediction. Down 3-0, LeBron goes for 42 in Cleveland in Game 4, only to see the ball end up in Robert Horry’s hands with 4 seconds left and the score tied and…well, you know the rest.
MVP? How about a multiple choice: A) Tim Duncan B) Tony Parker or C) The Cavaliers’ front-office. We were blinded by LeBron’s magnificence against the Pistons and the Cavs muy facil road to the Finals and forgot that Lebron has a D-League team around him. The Spurs reminded us last night. I’m going with choice “C” in a close one.
Kobe Bryant. That’s who Bruce Bowen was thinking about when he scoffed at the question of whether or not LeBron was the “No. 1 assignment in the League.” Think Brucey boy’s glad he’s guarding the Human Manchild instead of Mr. Bryant? You better believe it.
Toughest defensive assignment in the League? Bet you thought I’d say Kobe. Nope. Can’t stand him. Call me biased…I’m going with Iverson (more on this later).
Oden v. Durant. It’s a moot issue. After Durant’s 185-spot on the bench, the Blazers ordered 12 more Corey Brewer tapes. (But seriously, the whole “weight-report” on Durant just made the basketball media look bad. I’m sure that the 150 defenders Durant made look like practice stand-ins last year all took extreme solace in the fact that they could bench press 190: “Like, what’s 32 and 11 worth anyway?”)
Draft sleeper pick. Trey Johnson, G, Jackson State. If I gave you the scoop he wouldn’t be a sleeper, now would he? But I’ll give you a hint: he scored 30+ points against Memphis, Illinois, Alabama, 25+ points against Florida and Georgia Tech, and 49 against UTEP. See? You’re not sleeping anymore, are you?
Most overrated draft prospect. Brandan Wright, UNC. Dude is soft. Think Drew Gooden minus 20 pounds but with the same game. Yea, see what I mean?
Drew Gooden. He can’t possibly still be with the Cavs. For three years Cleveland has been searching for a guy to take the open baseline shots when LeBron kicks it…and here we are in the NBA Finals and Drew Gooden is STILL TAKING THOSE SHOTS when LeBron kicks it. Is there another award we can give to the Cavs’ front office?
The NBA on ABC. Waay to corporate for my tastes. I miss Charles Barkley. Just give him a mike and step away from the booth.
SLAMonline? The sh-t.
Its newest intern and his debut column…
Ahhem. Well, it’s a good thing LeBron didn’t drop 48 or go Delta over Timmy D. again. That would’ve been awful difficult to parallel. Instead his struggles gave me A) the idea for “12 Points of Pontification” (I know, you’re already holding your breath for the weekly installment) and B) a true point of reference for a blossoming (or fledgling, however you see the cup) sports journalism career.
That is that even the great and supremely talented LeBron will fall short sometimes. And not even fall short. Fail. Flop completely. Shoot 4-16 with 6 turnovers on the grandest stage of his career.
And even with no defense, tons of help, zero leadership responsibilities, immense vigor, and more-than-adequate rest, this pitiful excuse for a column was the best I could generate. Ouch. Looks like LeBron and I found a parallel after all.
Game Two, anyone?
37 Responses to “Inspiration From the King(’s struggles)”
Jun.8 at 5:37 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Brand-new intern compares himself to future Hall of Famer. I like it.
Jun.8 at 5:43 pm
Ryan Jones says:
And taking the gimmick one step further… Jon, as an ex-Ed. I feel compelled to point out that you metaphorically shot 4 of 16 in your attempts to properly and consistently capitalize the “B” in LeBron. As I’m sure Sam told you, I take this personally. Perhaps one day we will meet and you can apologize in person.
Jun.8 at 6:04 pm
Reggie Evans says:
Let me be the first commenter (commentator?) to initiate you into the SLAM blogosphere … by calling you a Kobe Hater.
Jun.8 at 6:29 pm
Dennard says:
The “Points for Pontification” were great points indeed.
Jun.8 at 6:35 pm
yiah says:
thats great…another kobe hater on your roster…wont be reading this blog anytime soon
Jun.8 at 6:44 pm
Kevin Wilson says:
Is Jon the new people’s champ? Welcome aboard.
Jun.8 at 6:50 pm
Cheryl says:
–ASPOV
Welcome, young’un. (Get used to it, I’m the sage of the boards and everyone here is a “young’un). Words of wisdom from A Sistah’s Point of View”–that’s ASPOV from now on,guys–no the difference between to, too, and two (a pet peeve of mine)and it’s BEcause, not cause (Sam, you listening?) Just messing with you, young one. Congrats on the internship and we’re looking forward to all your future “pontifications”.
Jun.8 at 6:51 pm
MagicMike2k7 says:
not bad.
Jun.8 at 6:51 pm
Cheryl says:
oops, I meant “know”, not “no”. My bad…
Jun.8 at 6:55 pm
Esco says:
Damn…Talk about Baptism by Fire…But welcome!! It’ll be fun watching you learn, and take criticism (it will come), and in the end succeed (just like LeBron, another parallel. hehe). Also, watch out for somebody named Chukaz = Really annoying character. Again, welcome and good luck for the future.
Jun.8 at 6:55 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
The term People’s Champ will be going away pretty soon. I got a top secret new name. But enough about that. Wrong time/place.
I liked this debut a lot. Pitiful excuse for a column? I disagree.
Jun.8 at 7:12 pm
Vitor says:
Hey Sam, does this mean that Sam the Intern a.k.a. Sam Rubenstein is now the boss of the interns?
Jun.8 at 7:46 pm
Homie says:
Sam, for Jon’s blog name: “The Weiner Reader”
Jun.8 at 8:05 pm
Tariq says:
Welcome, Jon. You should have equated your debut with Paris Hilton’s arrest. That is an event that, had it taken place on the same day as Bron’s Game 5 explosion, would have still outshadowed it. Go herpes!
Jun.8 at 8:15 pm
gelly says:
Today is a training day, and you passed the test
Jun.8 at 9:00 pm
Sesa says:
So like, Mr Wiener, you should probably prepared to get your ass kicked night-in night out by a certain farmer. -See comments #1 and #2-. I’m glad there’s another Kobe bandwagon guy in here.
Jun.8 at 9:59 pm
Mongoose says:
Just use your real name, no need to try to be clever
Jun.9 at 1:10 am
whooo! says:
welcome, and congrats on the internship! now explain yourself as to how iverson is still the toughest to cover in the league after the way the spurs clamped down on him!
Jun.9 at 1:12 am
whooo! says:
shaq’s too fat/old to be the toughest cover, so i go w/ kobe. coulda been dirk too before he reverted to a lil b*tch vs g-state, but before that, he looked unguardable.
Jun.9 at 2:02 am
Dan says:
I am stricken with jealousy, but great job none the less. . .
Jun.9 at 2:28 am
Mavs-Cavs Fan says:
good job i like
Jun.9 at 10:06 am
Ronald says:
Good column mate. Chuckaz should try and learn from you.
Jun.9 at 2:50 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
Good work, Jonny. And don’t be afraid of Ryan — he’s all type.
Jun.9 at 6:12 pm
white hot eboy says:
Cheryl, if “A Sistah’s Point of View” was on BET against the real View, I’m ridin’ with your show all day.
Jun.9 at 6:29 pm
Ben Osborne says:
Though I have a somewhat important job with SLAM, I too am in the dark about what Sam’s plans are for the name of his blog (I do know he doesn’t “scour the blogs for the latest and greatest;” He compares NBA storylines to movie and TV shows and he is incredibly funny at doing so.) Hopefully Johnny will have his own column name too soon.
Jun.9 at 7:38 pm
snyper48 says:
Congratulations and welcome to the fam Jon,u showed some skills but at SLAM you need to bring it on consistently(just like Duncan),but you’ll be ok,just dont pay to much attention to this kid named Chukaz and PLEASE we dont need another Kobe hater (hi Lang)at SLAM.Peace
Jun.9 at 7:41 pm
snyper48 says:
and please dont get too damn boning
Jun.10 at 2:04 am
Chukaz says:
@Esco - I’m on my way to France right now, man. I’m gonna hunt you down like the dog you are.
@Ronald - You don’t even know what I got. Maybe I’m better than this guy, but Slamonline won’t give me a chance.
@snyper48 - f*ck you, man. F*ck you!
@The new guy - Don’t pay attention to the motherf*ckers mentioned above. They are just hating on me because the wish they were me. By the way, congrats.
Jun.10 at 2:14 am
Chukaz says:
Jon Wiener, I’m sorry to break this to you, but dropping 49 against UTEP is not really a big deal. I should know I should know, I live in this tiny lil’ city right next to El Paso (I was born in El Paso) and I can tell you that UTEP couldn’t beat a f*ckin’ 7th grade team.
Jun.10 at 8:35 am
H to the izzo says:
Please Chukaz-share your Resume.Oooooh pick me I want a column,I’m totally real and in your face,heeyy How come that guy got a column?-give me a chance.Well he got a column because he applied and got an internship(Which aren’t exactly fun) with SLAM,he’s qualified and from the ablove column seems to be pretty good too.I completly agree on that Brandan Wright thing.The only thing he has going for him is his length
Jun.10 at 3:17 pm
Kadavour says:
Good Job man. i think you’ll do well around here
Jun.10 at 6:23 pm
deestarbuckz says:
Welcome (yes I am late)! Go Cavs in the meanwhile! And is there no way to mod out anything posted by Chukaz? Can we get him a paper route or some chyt to utilize his time other than spamming the blogs?
Jun.11 at 12:22 pm
Colin says:
Nice piece of writing. Good to have you on the to read list.
Jun.12 at 1:14 am
DP says:
nice job john. way to represent jackson, MS. with Trey Johnson. He will be doing his thing in the NBA, so everyone needs to watch out.play wit it.
Jun.12 at 3:34 pm
Piedie says:
Joh WEENER… I already don’t like you… kobe hater… dumb %#^&WQ
Jun.12 at 5:04 pm
Slick Nick Da Ruler says:
Nice debut. Hate what you will, just be honest with us.
Jun.12 at 11:51 pm
Magoo says:
You have the chance to be a first rate Jabroni