NBA Movie
Not starring Mark Eaton.
Not sure if most of you are aware of this or not, but former Jazz center Mark Eaton is having a movie made about his life. Mark Eaton? Yeah, the bearded 7′4 dude that MJ dunked on after Mailman taunted him for having dunked on the smaller Stockton on the previous play (consult your copy of Come Fly With Me for further details.)
Now, I have no doubt that Eaton’s story is compelling as hell, and I’m also certain that the entire state of Utah will turn out for it, but I just don’t think that too many other people are looking forward to seeing it. Can you say Straight-To-DVD?
This of course doesn’t mean that all films based on NBA players would be total flops, in fact I can think of a number of League personalities who could make for tremendous subjects on the silver screen:
1) Shaq: In a wildly competitive and oft-violent tournament (think Bloodsport), O’neal plays the foil to Kobayashi, the diminutive Japanese eating champ. Put your money on The Diesel, kids.
2) Carmelo Anthony: Rocky VII
3) Ron Artest: QB’s Finest plays a disgruntled Circuit City employee whose only goal in life is to get that highly coveted 50% discount. Oh, and he’s also a member of the UFC.
4) Mike James: NBA player with occasional delusions of grandeur starts writing an advice column in the world’s best basketball publication. Wait…
5) Billy King: One man’s dramatic rise from relative anonymity to becoming the best executive in pro sports. Not based on a true story.
6) Stan Van Gundy: Everything you need to know about this film can be found in its title (The Hunt For Stan Van Gundy’s Carcass.)
7) Sam Cassell: After winning the World’s Best Looking Man award, Sam I Am spends the rest of his time wooing the planet’s foxiest ladies and modeling the latest underwear from Calvin Klein.
8) Lebron and D-Wade: Wise Lebron and Senile Dwyane in a space-age remake of Grumpy Old Men.
9) Andrei Kirilenko: AK47 and his pop star wife play worldclass assassins sent on an extremely dangerous mission by the Russian government. They have a fallout after Andrei gets a little too familiar with one of the ‘jobs’.
10) Gilbert Arenas: So many possibilities here, but if I had to choose the perfect role for Sir Gil, it would be that of a superhero blogger. His powers? Who cares! It’s Gil, blogging and in a movie. The possibilities are endless.
19 Responses to “NBA Movie”
Dec.28 at 10:39 pm
namik says:
The Mailman didnt taunt MJ. To paraphrase Malon-Some dude on the sidelines got up and run almost the whole way with Jordan.
I have since found out it was the owner of the Jazz. Cmon Mutoni!!! And Malone made it sound like MJ dunked on “Mel Turpin”.
Dec.28 at 10:44 pm
namik says:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/basketball/nba/1999/jordan_retires/archive/871221/ It WAS Mel Turpin!
Dec.28 at 10:49 pm
mutoni says:
you’re right about the dude on the sideline, but i’m certain the dunk was on short-shorts
Dec.28 at 11:53 pm
mutoni says:
i stand corrected/
Dec.28 at 11:58 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
the billy king movie sounds like a fictional escapist masterpiece.
Dec.29 at 12:00 am
boston's finest says:
whatever. someone send the youtube link!
Dec.29 at 12:01 am
namik says:
Cant believe I remembered the name Mel Turpin. Thats what you get for watching the MJ DVD series every day for two months when it came out. And somehow I cant see how a 7′4 dude making the NBA is similar to Rocky….
Dec.29 at 12:13 am
Gilbertology says:
Gilbert as Agent Zero in a James Bond type of movie. I’d watch that!
Dec.29 at 12:43 am
nic says:
NICE circuit city reference…
Dec.29 at 2:35 am
Max Airington says:
Im down with the Zero Bond flick. Yao Ming, “My Giant” Part II? Kobe in a “Witness” remake? Wade and Bron in a remake of “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”? You know, cause of all the traveling htey do….
Dec.29 at 5:06 am
Darksaber says:
Ahh, Eaton. Memories, memories. The times when guys like Thunder Dan, Tommy Chambers, and big country roamed the hardwood. Now the most talented white boy in the league izzz a german. Come on american hoopers, step up the game.
Dec.29 at 5:09 am
Darksaber says:
Umm, Mr. Mutoni, sir? You forgot THE no.1 player warranting a movie in the league. Kobs. I’d call it “Snitching with Mambiatch” and damn wouldn’t it be compelling.
Dec.29 at 8:40 am
Rome says:
How about Jackie Christie starring in “Adventures on Owl Island”!!!!
Dec.29 at 9:57 am
Drolfe says:
Alright, this may explain one of the biggest things troubling me ever since I was a kid. In Come Fly With Me, Malone is telling the story… ahem.. “so some guy got up and almost followed him down the sideline saying ‘hey Jordan pick on someone your own size’. So next time down the floor he dunked on me* on purpose. And went over and looked at guy and said ‘is he big enough?’”
The * indicates the word im not sure of. Cosidering its obvious the dunk wasnt on Malone, does that mean he didnt say ‘me’ but ‘Mel’?
Ever since i was a kid i just figured he did in fact dunk on Malone but the footage on the video was from some other game, as close as they could get it.
Help me out.
Dec.29 at 10:39 am
Tom says:
Wasn’t Donnie Brasco based on the life of one of the NBA refs……was it Jack Delaney??
Dec.29 at 11:31 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I still absolutely believe that Zydrunas Ilgauskas will one day be the best James Bond villain in the history of history.
Dec.29 at 11:57 pm
Celtics Bandwagon says:
Let’s not forget about Mark Eaton’s epic and ultimately terrifying commercial in which he spoke out against child abuse. I tried to recreate that by standing on a chair in a fourth grade skit. That did not go well.
Dec.30 at 9:49 am
BETCATS says:
now i nevr watch sci-fi but the Billy King movie sounds intresting because it would requier the real mister king to GROW A MUTHR FUCKIN BRAIN which would be intresting
Dec.31 at 10:24 am
BETCATS says:
But after seen a COMERCIAL for one movie it put me off sport movies forever INVINCEBLE