Dodgy Curry
Y’all ain’t Eddy.
So, word out of the New York media today is that Isiah Thomas knows exactly what Eddy Curry needs to do to become an All-Star. And it’s so simple. All he has to do is change his entire personality!
That’s right, boys and girls. All that’s separating Eddy Curry from the Shaqosphere and beyond is an attitude. Anger. A bunch of other emotions that Scoop Jackson would refer to in more one-word sentences. Eddy needs to get mean, and fast. Stop getting pushed around and become the one doing the pushing.
Don’t get me wrong—this sounds great. And I’m sure that Dennis, Rick, Bill and several of Zeke’s other Detroit teammates would agree. Big and cuddly gets you endorsements. Big and mean gets you championships. (Big and both makes you Shaq, and there’s already one of those.)
But herein lies the rub. I don’t think Eddy can do it. And moreso, I don’t think Eddy WANTS to do it. And why should he? He already signed a $60-million-plus extension playing softer than Barney, why change now? He’s still soft in the middle (take that both ways, please), still commits atrocious offensive fouls and, despite the occasional 25-15 game, still looks at times like he just learned the game last weekend. And it’s no longer a question of whether he’s in shape (and get ready for another Scoopism here), it’s a question of what shape he’s in. Usually it’s sort of round. And, barring injury, he’s gonna make $100 million in this game no matter what. Why not take the easy road?
Some guys don’t look at it that way, of course. I’m convinced that KG and Kobe (just to name a few) would play the same way whether they were making $10,000 a year, or $10,000 an hour. All-Stars already, they’re constantly seeking ways to improve their game, because their overwhelming desire is to be the best players ever, not just to buy fur coats and Ferraris. Unfortunately, with the way salaries work nowadays, some players don’t even seem to enjoy the game anymore—they’re just in it for the loot. For now, Eddy has done nothing to make me believe he’s in that first category.
So yeah, sure, Eddy can become an All-Star by getting an attitude. Easy. Just like Stephon Marbury can become an all-time great by being more positive and trusting his teammates more, and Jamal Crawford can become an All-Star by playing more disciplined ball, and well, Isiah Thomas can become the next Red Auerbach by just simply being a genius.
I can’t wait for the regular season to start.
18 Responses to “Dodgy Curry”
Oct.26 at 5:45 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
Remember Eddy’s heart condition from last season that threatened to end his career? I suggested we do a Curry feature called “Get Rich or Die Trying.” But that would have been in poor taste if he died on the court.
Oct.26 at 6:50 pm
Mike says:
If Eddy Curry dies on the court, are the Knicks still on the hook for his salary? Does his contract die with him or does it go to his next of kin? Does insurance pay it? I’m pretty sure Jerome James is a corpse, can we get out from under his contract?
Oct.26 at 7:07 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
I think the best headline for an Eddy piece would be “Get Rich And Stop Trying,” but maybe that’s just me.
Oct.26 at 7:26 pm
Alex says:
HHahah, I laughed out loud.
Oct.26 at 7:41 pm
Jake Appleman says:
I once gave Eddy Curry a compliment and he smiled so wide that I thought he wanted to give me a big hug and maybe some money. The sad thing is that I could sense his lack of meanness and that turned the compliment into a conversation. Afterwards I kind of felt like the guy that hooks up with the fat chick because he feels bad for her–wouldn’t personally know, no offense, and big girls need love too. I think I covered all my bases there. In sum, at least he’s a nice guy who is rich. You could do worse off the court.
Oct.26 at 7:43 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Oh I forgot say “fat chickk with potential for hotness with excessive trimspa”…so what I’m actually saying is that Eddy Curry actually Anna Nicole Smith without an agenda.
Oct.26 at 7:44 pm
Jake Appleman says:
SO WHAT I’M SAYING IS THAT EDDY CURRY IS ACTUALLY ANNA NICOLE SMITH WITHOUT AN AGENDA…no typos there.
Oct.26 at 7:49 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Deep breaths, Jake. It’ll be OK.
Oct.26 at 9:00 pm
Tom Jackson says:
What Eddy Curry said about having to maintain split personalities is a lot like what last SLAM issue’s old school player Cliff Hagan described he did with ease throughout his career. Another similarity is how he described how back then no NBA contract was guranteed and you had to fight to keep your spot every year from a guy they wanted to fill it so they could pay him a little less. Sorta like what Lang described as the opposite for Curry. Lang, maybe the Knicks could hire Hagan to work with Big Ed! And maybe they can stop signing 6′10″+ mediocrities. But I doubt it.
Oct.27 at 4:02 am
Ben says:
My first thoughs: JETS Rookie D´Brickashaw Ferguson… http://www.nfl.com/draft/story/9419452 - They must be twins:)
Oct.27 at 4:26 am
sp says:
6 boards per game is pathetic for his size. Im 5′8 and i think i could squeez out 6 brds per. You know those bords that just leak out to the point gaurds.Ya those are mine.That guy is dodo!
Oct.27 at 11:59 am
Noah Doucette says:
poor eddy
Oct.27 at 12:39 pm
Dj says:
he shoudlve been born a 5′9 white or asian skinny kid scrapping his way aroudn pickup games. Oh what we would all give for a couple more inches.
Oct.27 at 2:44 pm
KMG says:
I love the Knicks like Lang loves the Hawks. Now that we’ve all cried our respective tears, here’s the deal: Eddy Curry is not going to just flip some magical “aggression switch” and become a dominant center in the League. Hell, I’ve been waiting three seasons for Yao to develop a mean streak, and it hasn’t happened yet. Now, if Yao Ming, perennial All-Star (thanks China!), doesn’t play with a chip on his shoulder, then please, somebody explain to me, what makes Zeke or any other idiot in the Knickerbocker organization think they can convince Eddy to adopt the alter-ego of a dominant, full-court monster? Like I said before, if there was a magic switch that could make a center play like center and not like a little beeyotch, then Joe Barry Carroll, Jon Konkak, the departed Yinka Dare and Benoit Benjamin would have given people something to think about other than how best to use them in a “Gee, this guy sucks” routine.
Oct.27 at 2:57 pm
oliver says:
awesome colum name- i had exactly that last night
Oct.27 at 2:58 pm
oliver says:
(bad indian food- not an encounter with eddy curry)
just wanted to clear that up
Oct.29 at 10:09 pm
The Crack Staff at Perkisabeast.com says:
We’re not so sure the Red/Isaih analogy is all that appropriate especially in light of Isaih’s previous comments on the quality of basketball played by Mr. Larry… That’s just our two cents love. Red was a beast…
Oct.29 at 11:25 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Russ, It’s three days later and it was okay for a while and then KMG brought up Yinka and Benoit Benjamin. Now it’s not okay again. (Reaches for paper bag.)