Waiting on my SK3, and waiting on the rain…
Ryan waits for the rain to stop, and thinks about the silver screen…
by Ryan Jones
What up T-Mobile? It hasn’t even been a week yet, but I know you hear me. Let’s make this happen, dammit.
Anyway… couple things on my mind as I look forward to a lovely Labor Day weekend in the tri-state area. First, the Elite 24 high school game went down at Harlem’s Rucker Park tonight. Billed as a showcase of the 24 best high school players in the country, it was more accurately 24 OF the best HS ballplayers in America. The good news is, the game was pretty good, and a lot of guys who will be making a lot of NBA money a few years from now did their thing. I’ll update tomorrow with details, but for now I’ll just share three things I learned tonight: Kevin Love is a bleeder, Jason Kidd rolls deep, and the two-time reigning NBA MVP can ride a crowded New York City subway for 150 blocks and not be bothered once.
Oh, and one other thought. Why do basketball movies suck? There’s this dude who’s a film publicist who seems to rep every single hoop flick that comes out. Whether it was Juwanna Man or this new streetball movie or anything else with a basketball in it, I’ve got an email in my inbox from this guy asking me to come see a free screening. But I pretty much never go, because without fail these movies are always garbage.
I find this interesting, only because basketball has made for some great documentaries over the years (Hoop Dreams, obviously, and Through the Fire, which I would’ve loved even if I didn’t know Bassy pretty well), but almost never makes for good actual movies. Yeah, Hoosiers is a classic (except to those people who think it was racist… but I’ll leave that one alone), and I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Blue Chips. I have a good reason for that, honest: I was in college when Blue Chips came out, and one of those classic Big Ten refs played a ref in the movie. Not long after I saw it, I was at a Penn State home game against some Big Ten squad, and I realized the same ref was doing the game. So I yelled “Loved you in Blue Chips!” and he turned and winked and me and my friends and said thanks. This was dope. I’ll try and figure out dude’s name next time I post, but he’ll always be my favorite ref…
Anyway, I read a brief review of Crossover today that made it sound like it was the worst movie ever, and I was not at all surprised. So I’m asking for input on this one: Why do hoop movies, at least those released in recent years (Like Mike, Juwanna Man, Crossover, hell, even Finding Forrester) tend to be horrible? Or have I missed a lot of basketball movies that don’t suck? Was Glory Road really good and nobody told me? Let me know…
45 Responses to “Waiting on my SK3, and waiting on the rain…”
Sep.1 at 10:38 pm
The Nugg Doctor says:
Two movies come to mind that do not suck by anymeans. First, and I am sure you have seen it, is “White Men Can’t Jump”. Doesn’t matter that there is a love story involed. The hoop scenes are pretty good, and Woody does get that extra lift in the end. It is pure classic. The other and more obscure flick is called “The Pistol”. Maybe a little bit ‘young’ in nature, but I thought it had some good Pistol Pete anecdotes. Just a couple hoop vids that came right to the top of my head. The Nugg Doctor
Sep.2 at 11:12 am
Ryan Jones says:
White Men Can’t Jump, of course. A classic regardless of genre, and definitely a great hoop flick. That’s what I get for posting late night on a Friday… Haven’t seen the Pistol Pete movie, but I guess I need to. Oh, while I’m correcting myself, Above The Rim get into the mix. Maybe not an actual classic, but definitely a cool film. So maybe I should narrow this down to the last 5-8 years. Has there been a good non-documentary basketball movie made in the 2000s?
Sep.2 at 11:45 am
PBeck says:
Nope, there were no good basketball movies made in recent years. And could you please stop sucking up to T-mobile? (Lang’s not innocent in that department, either) That company is pure megalomaniac evil. Us Germans know! You wouldn’t ask Halliburton for any freebies, would you?
Sep.2 at 11:59 am
Derms says:
Hoop Dreams is classic, Above the Rim is nice as well, but almost all other hoop films are garbage. Sunset Park is very high on the unintentional comedy scale. I kinda like the Air Up There with Kevin Bacon too.
Sep.2 at 1:10 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Derms, you feel me, right? I never saw Sunset Park, but any movie where Carla from Cheers is whipping inner city youths into shape can’t be a good idea. And PBeck, seriously, you’re comparing T-Mobile to Halliburton? That seems a bit harsh. Anyway, wasn’t VW basically started by Hitler? We’ve got mad Jettas and Bugs all over the place and nobody seems to mind, so I don’t think one more SK3 is going to hurt anybody. But what do I know. And I’m just realizing, no one has mentioned Air Bud yet. Is that because the dog died and people feel bad about, um, dogging the film?
Sep.2 at 1:33 pm
Hype says:
No mention of “He Got Game?”.. that movie might be a bit polarizing I guess. But I liked it. Nay, loved it. And while I’m irresponsibly throwing mentions: “Love & Basketball”– had as much to do with ball as MTV has to do with real music (HELLO!) but Sanaa Lathan was a hottie in there. I don’t trust Air Bud, he excels at every sport! NOT realisitic at all.
Sep.2 at 2:54 pm
Ryan Jones says:
I wasn’t mad at He Got Game, especially Rick Fox as the program pimp, but the ending was WACK.
Sep.2 at 4:17 pm
Joe Millionaire says:
How can u have a conversation about hoops movies and not mention coach carter. That movie was inspirational 2 say the least.
Sep.2 at 5:08 pm
Max Airington says:
Spike Lee and Ralph Wiley were working on a sequel to He Got Game when Wiley died in ‘04. I heard Spike is still trying to make something happen. That ending was weak, but it’s still my favorite basketball movie. Bill Simmons reviewed it a while ago and really touched on everything I thought was great about this flick. The importance of the father/son dynamic in the black community, the way the NCAA pimps impoverished and talented youth, and how basketball is no longer a sport but an industry for many of it’s participants. Most basketball movies are wack cause the sport is only used as the medium to deliver a cliched message, such as racial harmony (Glory Road or White Men Can’t Jump), beliving in yourself when no one else will (Coach Carter), redemption or humility (Above the Rim), etc. It’s tough to construct a feasable plotline for the basketball fan while still entertaining the non-baptized. I think Spike came as close as anyone has. Which is appropriate considering his background.
Sep.2 at 5:13 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Well put Max, but as Spike is a Knicks fan, I think it’s almost surprising that he seems to know much about hoops…
Sep.2 at 5:39 pm
Lang Whitaker says:
Don’t forget Finding Forrester. You’re the man now, dog!
Sep.2 at 7:20 pm
Jack says:
That website rocks….
Sep.2 at 7:32 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Props to Lang for posting from Spain. I mean, I could comment on how sad it is that he’s in a beautiful part of the world and has nothing better to do, but I won’t…
Sep.2 at 8:22 pm
OV27 says:
Hey Ryan, if you’re looking for some recently produced, scripted basketball, you could rewatch “The NBA Finals ‘06″. One of the guys in it is really a great actor (he was overacting a little bit, though) and he even won some prestigious award for his intense performance. If I could only remember his name…
Sep.2 at 10:08 pm
Jake Appleman says:
1) White Men Can’t Jump is the greatest movie of all time.
2) “You’re the man now, dog!” is the second greatest movie quote of all time, second only to “I’ll take foods that start with the letter Q” from WMCJ. In fact, I’d argue that anything out of Rosie Perez’s mouth in WMCJ could be considered the greatest quote in movie history.
3) The Air Up There is criminally underrated for its attempt (can’t really say success) at incorporating the african tribal motif.
4) Love and Basketball isn’t all that bad.
5) He Got Game is a nice flick. Looking back, Ray Allen deserves more credit.
Sep.3 at 9:57 am
Ryan Jones says:
Jake, you’ve Swiss-cheesed my entire theory. If you only could’ve come up with a No. 6 that logically explained how Juwanna Man was both subtly ingenius and criminally underrated, I’d scrap this argument entirely. And who’s the hater who keeps belatedly putting headers on my columns?
Sep.3 at 2:51 pm
Max Airington says:
Do you guys still have any of those Jesus Shuttlesworth SLAM covers? I always wanted that poster…
Sep.3 at 10:31 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Max — not sure what would be a cooler collectible: Those Jesus prop covers from the movie (which, sadly, we do not have any of) or the original sketches done by Matt and Trey from South Park did of the SLAM staff circa 98-99. Scoop Jackson looking like Cartman? CLASSIC.
Sep.4 at 1:58 am
Boing Dynasty says:
What kind of people are you, no mention of Martin Lawrince’s 2005 classic REBOUND, were he plays the coach of a womens NCAA team (i think), and how do you forget about Eddy? OV27, wade was definetly the best actor in that series, but sternbot get the best director nod.
Sep.4 at 1:24 pm
Max Airington says:
I do remember seeing that South Park pic, Im sure Scoop blew a f*cking gasket. I thought it would have been better if he were Chef. Im also sure that the original SLAM crew probably wiped that place clean of all it’s collectibles. They are the ones who jacked those Jesus posters right? How come you guys dont use more props on your covers? Budgeting? Players dont like em? The only ones I really remember are the throne from the TD/Iceman tribute and LBJ’s crown and scepter. Oh, and the Mamba twins. Along with AI’s blowout, they really your best work….
Sep.4 at 1:45 pm
Max Airington says:
This has nothing to do with anything, but RIP Crocodile Hunter….you kinda had it coming…..
Sep.4 at 3:01 pm
Hype says:
Yeah, Irving was if anything, entertaining. At least he went out doing what he loved. RIP Just to round out the basketball movie talk: SPACE JAM… yes.. it’s stupid and all that.. but I remember being so pysched around that time wanting to see MJ in anything. Him and Daffy, those two were head to head my favourite athletes at the time.
Sep.4 at 4:16 pm
Jake Appleman says:
If Juwanna Man was actually about Juwan Howard trying to live up to his huge contract while spending a second period of his life in Chris Webber’s shadow w/ the Bullets–Juwanna actually be the man and not an overpaid softee with a poor jump shot?–then yes, that movie would be both criminally underrated and more than subtly brilliant. Sadly, Juwanna Man is just a promo video for the WNBA.
Sep.4 at 4:18 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Hype, Speaking of Space Jam (”I wanna fly like an eagle, to the sea…”), Lola Bunny was HOT back in the day. I maintain that Lola Bunny is better than anybody currently in the WNBA.
Sep.4 at 6:40 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Max, the prop thing works sometimes but can definitely be overdone — notice how the Kenyon Martin broken backboard thing doesn’t hold a warm spot in your heart. I’d always rather not do enough of those than overdo them, ’cause they can get corny fast.
All that said, I think you’ll like our upcoming Steve Irwin/Kobe Bryant “Mamba” tamer cover. If only we’d known it would be so poignant…
Sep.4 at 7:12 pm
Max Airington says:
I thought Vanessa was the Mamba tamer. Or was it Jim Gray?
Sep.4 at 9:34 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Vanessa maybe, but Jim Gizzle? That’s be like saying Ahmad is the Jordan tamer. We will try to get Kobe with another reptile next time, though I doubt we’ll find one as metaphorically fitting as that snake.
Oh, there I go again, insinuating…
Sep.4 at 10:00 pm
Glen Denham says:
How about ‘Rebound’ starring Andy Serkis, who played Don Cheadle playing Earl the Goat Manigault?
Sep.5 at 12:12 am
Jay says:
A great documentary that no one has mention is Hooked: The Legend of Demetrius “Hook” Mitchell. I know Ryan all ready said basketball documentaries are good, it is actual basketball movies with actors that suck. However, this was a really good documentary that I figured I would post it. If you have not seen it you should because it teaches you about life and shows how easily talent can go to waste. I remember in a Bronx Tale (another great movie) at the end when the kid is talking and he is saying the saddest thing in life is wasted talent. Well this documentary proves that.
Sep.5 at 12:38 am
Hype says:
Jay, I believe SLAM did a story on Mitchell (I forget which issue) and the documentary but you’re right, that film was good. The man still had ups and you just saw how bad it was that he took the wrong road in life. Jake, re: Lola Bunny, that’s what I’m saying!
Sep.5 at 3:44 am
Gerwin Nijeboer says:
While reading the comments I can only think of one thing. There are some great BBall movies, but most of them totally suck. Air Bud? Like Mike? Even mentioning them as BBall movies is too much honor.
Hoop Dreams, Above The Rim, Hook, White Men, and some other deserve to be named BBall. The rest most off the time just look like failed experiments. Coach Carter? Way to much Disney in it, with an end everybody saw it coming the minute the movie started!
Now that I’m writing this, What about a movie, directed by SLAM! I know you know the right people and I’m sure SLAM would like the idea! What about it guys?! Peace!
Sep.5 at 12:43 pm
Max Airington says:
Rebound was dope. Don Cheadle is that dude. Good call, Glen.
Sep.5 at 1:59 pm
Nadav says:
Eddie beats Space Jam as the worst basketball movies, just cause MJ was in S Jam. Pat Ewing was in both…hmmm…
Sep.5 at 2:20 pm
Nadav says:
Hey Jake, about WMCJ and Rosie Perez.
Her best line is probably
“Screwing is for carpenters, I prefer “make love”, or “fuck”! The way she says “fuck” is a classic. Also, Marques Johnson kills it as Ray.
“All y’all muthafuckas are crazy. Ima go back to my car, get my other gun, shoot up everybody…” Lovely work.
Sep.5 at 2:58 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Where’s my man Rob to complain about the language when I need him?
Sep.5 at 3:00 pm
Nadav says:
Don’t hate the playa. Hate the script.
Sep.5 at 4:19 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Nadav, That’s up there, too. Also classic is every time she yells at Billy for losing the money, the way she says the word “Stookie”–”BILLLLEEEE, THE STOOOKIE BROTHERS ARE GONNA KILL US! GODDAMNIT, BILLLE.” Also, you can’t forget the epic “you can’t hear Jimi” conversation between Snipes and Harrelson that probably goes down as the flim’s best dialogue. Also not to be left out: “We goin sizzler! We goin’ sizzler!”.
Sep.5 at 4:41 pm
Brian says:
Way outside the date range, but The Fish who Saved Pittsburg? Dr J and Don Knotts = classic!!!
Sep.5 at 5:14 pm
Shiz says:
Man, I loved Count Dooku in Eddie. He’s been a gansta forever since the black and white dracula jumpoffs. Quadruple O.G., yo. Plus we get to see Olden Polynice wax eloquently on the definition of a Black Hole. Classic ish. I loved He Got Game, denzel runnin laps around the court “I FEEL REFRESHED!” Talkin shit, stalling, just like a o.g. should. All wit that collar firmly scrapped to his ankle. Man them things suck, you cant even take it off to bath. But yeah, WMCJ is by far all-around best. Even though Wesley Snipes had to be taught a basic layup. The hilarity of Kadeem Hardison cannot be matched. As are the Stookies, the loveable hitmen with warm hearts and a flair for dramatic photography.
Sep.5 at 5:17 pm
Shiz says:
Can anybody find a shot of Suga Ray after…uh… scoring on the blonde double team. That pic is classic! That shit eating grin. Arms stretched wide. Awesome! Gone get yours Jesus!!
Sep.5 at 7:52 pm
Nadav says:
“Oh, oh , you listenin’, but you ain’t hearin”
haha classic Just to make a point about that line. It was stolen by Alonzo Harris (Denzel) in Training Day. When they’re on the highway, right before the whole sheep and wolf crap.
Yes, yes, he says the exact same line. “Yeah yeah, you listenin’ but you ain’t hearin’” Kadeem Harrison and Wesley and those guys with all the “yo mama jokes” was pretty funny. They’re lame, but still pretty funny. Also, Kadeem in a Jordan jersey in Venice Beach is pretty dope.
Sep.7 at 12:20 am
Boing Dynasty says:
oh yah kadeem hardison, what about 6th man, with one of them waynes boys.
Sep.11 at 9:53 pm
fatherb says:
i guess u were too busy scrathing in ur butt to pay attention during finding forrestor. that movie is about more than basketball. the story line was original and the point of the story was great. dont be afraid to succeed in school. guess u missed that too
Dec.2 at 12:56 pm
tony says:
that is my favorite movie of all time and yeah the movie isnt just about basketball its about a kid from the bronks having more brains thatn other kids at his school and the reason why he missed the game wining freethrows is that he wanted to be known for his brains not just some kid who can play ball i wish i could say the same for my self lol
May.19 at 12:02 pm
tike says:
HOOP DREAMS IS AND HE GOT GAME ARE PERSONALLY MY FAVORTIES..BUT OTHER THAN THAT THE OTHER ONES ARE WHACK…WHITE MEN CANT JUMP IS CLASSIC….HOLLA