by Jake Appleman
I was rummaging through old yearbooks after moving out of an apartment that felt like little more than a metaphorical battle rap—no really, a few miles from the Knicks’ practice facility, the address is actually a metaphorical battle rap—when I found a few signatures from my childhood and then my high school years.
I was stunned by the bile I was keeping inside as a kid, energy that I channeled into sports and being competitive in the classroom, except at the end of the year when I would rate my classmates like a price guide, and then also the bile that came back. The answer was equilibrium, as much as it stung, the idea of one being drunk on writing.
One of the things that makes a yearbook interesting is how students, at times, play follow the leader—like a comment that creates a new perception about the person whose yearbook it is (inside of their own head). It’s elementary school Psychology 101, searing life commentary before the twists and turns of the internet. As a kid, I fired dodgeballs and ran with footballs. As an adolescent, I was likened to a duck.
Since I spent most of last year around Deron Williams and friends (see how DWill suddenly looks like the leader?), I decided to try and bridge those gaps. Williams is a Steelers fan, so I combined STEEL-CURTAIN-ESQUE signatures with deeply imagined (but hopefully balanced, resonant and thoughtful) messages from his hybrid homies in the L.
Regarding the fonts: regular is The Truth according to this post in time; bold is bold, somewhat in the past perhaps; and italics both futuristic and somewhere in between.
***
Socrates’ philosophies and hypotheses can’t define how we were once roomies in Greece — CJ Watson
You might not have been Top 50 for much of last season, but you were Top 3-5 post-All-Star, so SLAM will probably rank you somewhere between 16-22 in their annual Top 50. Just letting you know. — Keith Ramon Bogans
I lived in Greece, too. Ghost wrote a column. For SLAM. Hope you’re well. The unexamined defense is not worth improving. — J-Chill
You might as well call me Oprah’s book club. Best of luck this year. — Mr. Jerry Stackhouse
GERRY BRADSHAW
SHAQ ‘OLD SPICE’ LAMBERT
I suppose I have to learn how to translate Kevin Garnett? — Mason Plumlee
I love reunions. Us, man. Us. — AK
Hey boss—I figured Plumlee would be bringing you your plums or apples or oranges or grapefruits or whatever this year—you still want me to get you the Daily News? Or you wanna switch it up? Times, Post, Newsday, Star Ledger, Record, AP printouts, or even the Brooklyn Eagle—lemme know. I mean, if MarShon helped out for parts of two seasons. — Tyshawn
Man, DWill, I been thinkin’: Since we family men and stuff like that, we family men. Kids the most important. Know what I’m sayin’? — Reg
PRESIDENT OF THE PLAYAS UNION (RAPPIN’ 3 TAY)
‘…lyrically, I’d probably be…C…P….3…’ I mean, maybe. It’s not ‘a…V…C…3.’ So I’m actually still not sure. — S “Dot” Sez
You’re not from Chicago, but you can still make ‘illa wafers as long as you’re not rockin’ loafers. — Shaun Livingston
PG—thanks for continuing to having my back. #breakfastclub? — Dray
You know, since I watch lots of NBA TV, I can tell you that I definitely see the Rick Barry in you. Should be interesting now that I have a new coach who’s used to doing more with less. Have a summer. — MarShon
REAL O’DONNELL
Remember: If you ever need help on defense, or with a joking matter, I’ll be there to make sure you’re defending my sense of humor. — Coach Lawrence
Since we’ve been teammates in places like Venezuela and Utah and New Jersey and Brooklyn, I’ll just free associate: Me…ow!…meow…meow-mix…deliveries…UPS…a new Bowflex machine…working out…personal training…working out more…necessary rest…hydration…the number 43…my elbow jumper…macaroni elbows…getting traded to Boston…living in Boston…oh. — Hump
From the passing to the present, how you move the ball, in many ways, defines what we do here. If it’s successful, it’s your playlist. But the stature of that success lies somewhere between Manute and Muggsy. — Coach Kidd
I look forward to working with you. — Alan Anderson
I’ve been here since 1995. I’m just saying. — Assistant General Manager Bobby Marks
You and I can do better next season, right? — Mirza Music
Running and cunning. — Marko Jaric (My contribution to this Nets season. See how I imitated Clyde Frazier?)
FRANCO HAIRSTON
gerald-wall-ACE
SAN ANTONIO HOLMES
Now that you’ve had it your way, are you ready for phase 2? — General Manager Billy King
I still don’t know where in America you can jack someone’s shorts up. — Phase 2
What about…a remote-controlled slinky…that has a twin (also a remote-controlled slinky)…sponsored by Vonage…and it climbs UP stairs…and does the Charleston…and talks like Count Chocula…and performs at halftime when we play opponents with shared ABA history… I’m just spit-balling here. — Brett Yormark
MEAN KETCHUP JOE GREENE
The ’13-14 Brooklyn Nets: From Soft Serve to Self Serve in One Linear Mess Hall. ‘Come on everybody, let’s do the conga’. (Mr. Cory Booker, IS THAT SLOGAN OK WITH YOU?) — Marty Markowitz
“5…4…3… — Paul
BERRY FOSTER
2…1…” — Joe
I want to be bad boy. — Toko
Always make Crew mistakes. — KB8
For the record, the author interviewed me when he was 17—for The Record. Predictably, the work was amateur in quality. — Jet
So…you gonna read it? — Brook
Ain’t that fly? — TWIN SWANS
[poll id=”609″]
| SLAMonline Top 50 Players 2013 | ||||
| Rank | Player | Team | Position | Pos. Rank |
| 50 | Monta Ellis | Mavs | SG | 5 |
| 49 | Luol Deng | Bulls | SF | 10 |
| 48 | Ricky Rubio | TWolves | PG | 14 |
| 47 | Greg Monroe | Pistons | PF | 12 |
| 46 | Kawhi Leonard | Spurs | SF | 9 |
| 45 | Mike Conley | Grizzlies | PG | 13 |
| 44 | Al Jefferson | Bobcats | C | 9 |
| 43 | David Lee | Warriors | PF | 11 |
| 42 | Jrue Holiday | Pelicans | PG | 12 |
| 41 | Anthony Davis | Pelicans | PF | 10 |
| 40 | Joe Johnson | Nets | SG | 4 |
| 39 | Serge Ibaka | Thunder | PF | 9 |
| 38 | Kevin Garnett | Nets | PF | 8 |
| 37 | Rudy Gay | Raptors | SF | 8 |
| 36 | Paul Pierce | Nets | SF | 7 |
| 35 | Ty Lawson | Nuggets | PG | 11 |
| 34 | Pau Gasol | Lakers | PF | 7 |
| 33 | Al Horford | Hawks | C | 8 |
| 32 | Andre Iguodala | Warriors | SF | 6 |
| 31 | Brook Lopez | Nets | C | 7 |
| 30 | Zach Randolph | Grizzlies | PF | 6 |
| 29 | DeMarcus Cousins | Kings | C | 6 |
| 28 | Damian Lillard | Blazers | PG | 10 |
| 27 | Josh Smith | Hawks | SF | 5 |
| 26 | Joakim Noah | Bulls | C | 5 |
| 25 | Roy Hibbert | Pacers | C | 4 |
| 24 | John Wall | Wizards | PG | 9 |
| 23 | Chris Bosh | Heat | C | 3 |
| 22 | Tim Duncan | Spurs | PF | 5 |
| 21 | Dirk Nowitzki | Mavs | PF | 4 |
| 20 | LaMarcus Aldridge | Blazers | PF | 3 |
| 19 | Rajon Rondo | Celtics | PG | 8 |
| 18 | Marc Gasol | Grizzlies | C | 2 |
| 17 | Blake Griffin | Clippers | PF | 2 |
| 16 | Deron Williams | Nets | PG | 7 |
Rankings are based on expected contribution in ’13-14—to players’ team, the League and the game.
