A moment of silence for the end of the Death Ray Goggle Era…and now back to our regularly scheduled program.
Line Of The Night:
Yao Ming — 33 points, 14 boards, 5 assists, 1 steal, 1 block
Domination, baby (word to Method Man). Yao put it on the Warriors Friday night, taking full advantage of his physical stature, drawing foul after foul after foul, and getting to the line 19 times. He fouled out Andris Biedrins and Ronny Turiaf, and had Anthony Randolph, Stephen Jackson and Corey Maggette taking ridiculous turns at guarding him. “Shrimp in the edifice!”, he cried all night long.
Beast Of The Night:
Dwight Howard — 23 boards, 21 points, 6 blocks
Oh, so Chris Wilcox, Johan Petro and Joe Smith can’t guard Howard? OKC is still horrid under new coach Scotty Brooks, but definitely more entertaining with Russell Westbrook at the helm. Let’s hope Earl Watson gets O.J.-time on the bench.
Contraction Club Of The Night:
Portland Blazers — 78 points vs. The Ceatles
Now THAT’s what a contender looks like, Portland. And another moment of silence to hear all of the WAAAAY too easy jokes resulting from Big Baby Davis literally crying in the fourth quarter after K.G. gave him an ol’ ear whuppin’. Come on, man. Honestly? Your nickname is Big Baby and you give us the classic cry face on national TV?
Indiana Pacers — 73 points vs. The LeBrons
The reward for upsetting the Lakers? Smashtime the next two games courtesy of the Beasts Of The East: Boston and Cleveland.
Clippers lucky to avoid this list… only a couple J.R. Smith-esque garbage time heaves from Boom Dizzle got the Clip Joint over 80.
Near Oscar Robertson Of The Night:
LeBron James — 11 points, 11 assists, 8 boards, 3 blocks, 1 steal
This is like an Old (present) Jason Kidd NTD. Biggest disappointment of the night, though, was provided by LeBron, but through no fault of his own. During the Boston/Portland broadcast, the halftime host said something like “stay tuned at halftime for one of the best LeBron dunks ever.” A nice dunk, sure, but maybe not in LeBron’s Top 50.
An honorable mention to Paul Millsap, of all people. He’s a five-star general in the double-double world, but triples? He approached “near” status, but fell one dime short. Wow.
Status Quo Of The Night:
Welcome to the NBA, Jay Triano! Toronto’s new coach, faced with the unenviable task 
of going into the hardest arena to visit in the League, took a 27-point L. Somewhere, Sam Mitchell was laughing at his suit. And wishing he had that Vince Carter locker room scuffle on video.
Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:
“Have some of this hot, Queens, quinoa, Ronny!”, said Ron Artest.
Actual quote from a Wizards announcer the other day, following a drive and lay-up by Portland’s Steve Blake: “Steve Blake… unstoppable” Um, really?… Kevin Ollie is not the answer… If you felt an extreme sense of peace and ease for a brief moment Thurs. night, we know the reason. For a few beautiful seconds, J.R. Smith dribbled in the corner, guarded by Manu Ginobili, and then executed a beautiful behind-the-back dribble move. All was right in the world of L.O.N. with those two going head-to-head… Marvin Williams–that’s American for good, solid basketball… Does Jermaine O’Neal’s knee brace have hydraulics? It definitely has candy paint. Wood grain?… Can we get an Avery Johnson/Bill Walton Christmas duets album? Awesome…
