Unfortunately, as a living person, you have a cell phone somewhere within 15 inches of you right now. And with that, you have infinite access to pictures of people you barely even like going on vacation to Cabo San Lucas every single weekend, swimming with sharks, eating steaks and drinking chocolate out of a waterfall.
Scientists who are bad at naming things have identified this phenomenon as social media-related FOMO.
The British government even put a study out saying that staring at pictures of all of those people from college who never appear to be working out, yet somehow look hot as hell, is ādetrimental to young peopleās mental health and wellbeing.ā The study says scrolling endlessly through this stuff could affect sleep, hurt self-image, and, Hey Diane, where do you even find a chocolate waterfall? Is that naturally occurring or what? And does your dad have some sort of deal with Virgin America? Come on.
Iāve been getting real Diane vibes from the YouTube pages of every draft prospect I like right now. Based on scouting my two dream prospects on YouTube alone, I project both Luka Doncic and Jaren Jackson Jr to shoot 95 percent from the field in the NBA. Reality is mathematically closer to 9 percent.
Thatās where Devin Williams comes into play. Devin isnāt in that gaggle of dream prospects. He just showed me Iām Diane-ing all of them.
āSome of the kids Iāve seen out there are the most skilled Iāve ever seen, but it comes at a cost,ā he told me. āYou learn so much by watching the game, but just by watching the highlights, you donāt notice how hard it can be. Itās highlights. You have to watch the whole game to get it.ā
Devin runs a YouTube channel called InTheLab. He signed on to play at Fresno State a few years ago, got hurt, then transferred to the Academy of Art in San Francisco, where he learned how to edit videos.
Now he flies around the world and shoots what look like Christopher Nolan movies about the intricacies of hoops. Lots of dollies and drones and high-end cameras. Over 357,000 people subscribe to his channel. He flew to Spain to watch Doncic and came back withāget thisāa positive-but-mixed review.
It forced me to encounter a truly horrifying thing: nuance.
Thatās what the real future is in basketball: Kids, freaked out by computers and the spooky garbage they can do to you, will watch one of Devinās videos on YouTubeāthen they will go outside and do it.
When heās not doing deep-dives on specific players, Devin makes videos on specific moves and crossovers that used to be regional. He slows everything downāboth in the scouting videos and the tutorials he puts togetherāthen makes it all pretty in After Effects.
āI was learning everything from VHSes to AND1 mixtapes. Now you can watch it in slow motion and speed it up. There are no secrets,ā he said.
No secrets. Itās the democratization of the game.
For anybody in hoops, whether itās Devin creating the video room of the future or a kid learning to replicate weird Serbian crossovers in Brooklyn, there are no secrets in the future.
For Diane and her chocolate Photoshop waterfall, no secrets is a nightmare that canāt come soon enough.
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Ben Collins is a brilliant writer and a reporter for NBC News. Heās also a SLAM columnist and writes The Outlet, a monthly column in which BC muses onā¦well, whatever he wants. Follow him on Twitter @oneunderscore_.
Photos via InTheLab.