By Sam Rubenstein

First let’s get the current NBA sechedule portion of this post out of the way. Not the most exciting night in our lifetimes. Atlanta held Sacramento to 8 points in the third quarter. This is why the Lakers will be able to hold on to their playoff spot. The Kings don’t want it. Josh Smith was one point shy of a triple double and he had 3 blocks and 3 steals. As Lang wrote recently, he’s putting up Kirilenko numbers (before he got all sulky). Josh Childress scored 25 as the Hawks won by 23.

The Hornets are making their playoff bid, and Boston was not quite the same team that beat the Spurs in San Antonio. The Celtics did outscore the Hornets 61-46 in the combined 1st and 4th quarters, which many believe to be the key quarters of NBA games. Too bad about that 9 point second quarter. This game goes into the “not as close as the final score indicates” time capsule with the Hornets winning 106-88. Rasual Butler hit five threes off the bench, Tyson Chandler threw up a 16 and 11 double double, Paul Pierce had 28 in the loss. Danny Ainge was nowhere near the Durant family, as far as we know.

The NBA in March! Can you say long season? In other exciting news, I learned a tough life lesson last night. Never get a haircut from a guy who has a stupid haircut. Especially if there is a language barrier. I sat in the chair and he said to me “Your beard look strong!” I knew I was in trouble. He gave me the same haircut he had, which was kind of like a Francesa. Not cool.

And now for last night’s main event. I happened to come across Dancing With the Stars right as Clyde Drexler’s segment began. I have never watched this show, so I can’t really compare him to Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith, or Evander Hgholyfield. Furthermore I know less than nothing about the types of dance they do. I took 4 years of tap and 2 of jazz ballroom, but that’s it. (Lying) Clyde’s dancing was smooth enough and glideworthy, but overall it was very strange. Surreal even, which I guess is the point of the show. His partner, Elena Grinenko, had a lot of enthusiasm and I think that worked against Drexler. The crowd seemed to love him, but then the judges were like Michael Jordan at this past dunk contest. Knowing absolutely nothing about ballroom dancing, I thought he deserved 7s across the board at the very least. One seven is the best he got. And then the judges tore into him a la Simon Cowell imitators, Clyde had to stand there and take it, while wearing a loud polyester shirt with a huge collar. Clyde responded with some jock talk “Now I can get better” but you could tell deep down inside he was crying. Even if he has a good sense of humor about the whole thing.

But serioulsly, the real problem was his partner. She would be better suited for that “I Want to be the next Pussycat Doll” show. Aggressive! And there’s no way her Russian accent is real. I have been on record on this website talking about how women from the Eastern Bloc scare me physically. I don’t have that fear of Grinenko, but I’m not the one being thrown around a dance floor by her. Poor Clyde was just trying to hang on for dear life. He achieved his goal of not falling down, and for that we are all thankful. Good luck next week Clyde!