Originally published in SLAM 173
RT @JaValeMcGee34 PAU GASOL SHAVED HIS BEARD. DIDN’T KNOW HE HAD ONE.
We tweet for JaVale McGee so he doesn’t have to. And, well, because he won’t. You see, JaVale—Pierre to his friends—doesn’t tweet, he just retweets himself. Not things he’s tweeted, he just presents them in RT form. Confused? So are we. But we’d expect things like the previous, and maybe this:
RT @JaValeMcGee34 MAN, @KennethFaried35 GOT A SLAMADA BEFORE ME? U CRAZY LOL
Because that’s the way JaVale—um, Pierre—rolls, right down to the caps lock and “U.” He also has Plastic Man’s reach and Superman’s hops, which sort of makes him Marvin Barnes with an iPad (and presumably more faith in airline travel). And he’s ready to go right from preseason, which is more than we can say for lots of players. He also stopped tweeting on October 6 (unless he’s resumed by now), which is why we’re OK doing it for him.
RT @JaValeMcGee34 THANKS FOR THE SLAMADAMONTH, I HOPE TO GIVE U MORE
We do too, JaVale.
