by Bethlehem Shoals
Don Nelson, when asked how Anthony Morrow fell through the cracks:
“I don’t think you should ask that question after two games. But after the season it might be a good question if he continues to do what I think he’s going to do.”
Translation: When he really gets going, you’ll know he’s been at it all along. And by then, it’ll be too late.
Stephen Jackson, on how he’ll deal with his injured eye:
“The only way I’ll wear a patch is if my eye’s closed. I’d rather stay with Captain Jack, not Pirate Jack.”
Translation: I’ll sleep when I’m dead. And in these troubled times, everyone needs to know that I think of myself more as Kurt Russell than one of those crazy dudes paddling a rowboat with a machete.
P.J. Carlesimo, complaining about Kevin Durant’s physique and those who would complain about Durant’s physique:
“When you talk about why LeBron is LeBron or why Dwight Howard is Dwight Howard, you start ticking off the physical stuff. You can’t deal with a guy who is that big, that strong and that quick. Kevin is that big and that quick [but] he’s not that strong yet. If he adds that dimension to the other tools he already has, that will really be significant.”
Translation: Also, I want a pony made out of gold, and a gift certificate to every brothel in Nevada, and a fancy razor that emits balsamic vinegar.
Mark Cuban on the Stackhouse situation:
“I won’t buy him out. I like having Stack around.”
Translation: I’ve had a tough week. When a man’s feeling down, nothing lifts his heart like 
a song. Stack has the best set of pipes in the League, and I’ll be damned if I’ll sacrifice that small source of comfort in my time of need.
More P.J.:
“People forget what Michael [Jordan] looked like when he first came into the League. You look at pictures of Michael early in his career, he looks very thin. Toward the end of his career, it was like night and day. I’m hoping Kevin will make physically that transition.”
Translation: Air Jordan was a hero to most, but he didn’t mean shit to me.
Quentin Richardson wonders how really real the Celtics are:
“I come from a neighborhood where you can say what you want to say and until you do something with it it don’t mean nothing. Some of those guys woofing about ‘Get a ring’ and blah, you ain’t been in the League long enough to talk like that to some people who’s got as many years as we got over here. I don’t got a lot of respect for that.”
Translation: I come from a neighborhood where people know that Leon Powe, Big Baby Davis, and Rajon Rondo were not responsible for that title.
Pierce, brushing that dirt off:
“The Knicks try to get you to play their game with the talking and the small ball. We can’t get caught up in that.”
Translation: Last week, I re-upholstered an armchair. A metal one. You were probably busy snorting pot and chasing tail. Like K.G. always says, anyone who misses their youth just hasn’t gotten over it yet.
Lawrence Frank explaining the problems LeBron causes:
“We’re getting split [by James] on pick and rolls, so now you’re in over-help situations and scrambling rotation situations. It starts with James. Even if he doesn’t score or get the assist, it’s a result of the pressure he puts on the defense.”
Translation: Physical pain amounting to torture must be equivalent to intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death. For purely mental pain or suffering to amount to torture under Section 2340, it must result in significant psychological harm of significant duration, I.e., lasting for months or even years.
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