Gloria and LeBron James
The Commish on The Single Mom Dynamic
I didn’t know what Ms. Gloria James looked like from behind, through a television screen, so when I saw LeBron mouth “Sit yo’ a$$ down!” I just laughed and clapped my hands. I thought Bron had just forcefully dismissed some crazed broad that happened to get baseline seats, maybe had a few too many apple martinis and thought it was within her rights to forearm KG and get yappy with Pierce. But then I realized it was Ms. James and it sent me reeling a bit. It was like: “Dog, Bron…you can’t talk to Moms like that! I mean, she was treating you like a child and being intrusive and overprotective, making you out to look like a square or — sorry — a punk…but fix your face and mouth when addressing Moms, homey.”
Now, granted, in a fictional world, if my mother was at the back of a press conference and — during a heated exchange between a coach and I — yelled, “Don’t you talk to my son like that!”…well, let’s just say that she’d get a glare and some forceful words encouraging her not to utter another word. And I hope, in the heat and tension of that moment that I’d do so semi-respectfully, but I can pretty much guarantee that she wouldn’t get a “Shut yo’ a$$ up!” And, trust me, I’m no Theodore “Beaver” Cleaver.
Once I processed that somewhat surreal moment between Bron and Moms, the first thing that popped in my head was the dynamic between mothers and sons in black single-parent families. To me, LeBron telling Moms to sit her a$$ down was a “single Mom thing.” Ms. James had Bron when she was 15. I’m guessing, in his mind and hers too, he is and has been the man of the house for quite some time. Of course, this may not be the case at all, but I’ve witnessed that dynamic with too many relatives, friends and neighbors. I haven’t had much extended contact with white single-parent households, but I can tell you that a hallmark of this generation’s (Gen X and Y) mother-son dynamic in black single-parent homes is for the mothers to treat their sons — specifically the eldest son or only-son — similar to the way they’d interact with and treat a husband. It is both endearing and alarming. I’ve experienced countless situations where grown women defer to and take direction from teenage sons, sometimes younger.
You ever watched “Comic View” on BET? I hope not. But if you have, you’re familiar with how the low-brow and unfunny black comedians like to riff on how disrespectful white children are to their white parents and how black parents would never go for that from their black children. There’s some truth to that. I can’t recall a black peer telling their mother or father to “F&%$ off!” or a black toddler telling their mother to shut up or get out of my face (in a grocery store), as the unfunny black comedians like to constantly reiterate. But there’s something just as riveting and peculiar about a 14-year-old boy barking an instruction at his Moms and the mother demurring. Bron’s Sit Yo’ A$$ Down moment was one of those instances.
And here’s the thing: I suspect — right or wrong — that Bron probably wouldn’t have said what he said if he grew up with a Pops — for a few reasons…
1.) Ms. James probably would have been there with her husband who probably would have controlled her from getting involved on that kind of physical level, similar to how Mr. Willie Jones held back Mrs. Betty Jones from getting involved in Craig Jones’ beef with Deebo at the end of “Friday.”
2.) Even still, LeBron would not tell his father’s wife to sit her a$$ down, especially not with Mr. James standing there.
and 3.) There probably wouldn’t be much precedent in their relationship to imbue Bron with the type of authority to carry on that type of exchange.
Let me be clear about something — I’m 99.99999% sure that LeBron is an infinitely better son than I am. Most sons from single parent homes are incredibly loving, protective and fond of their mothers, grateful for the sacrifices made in their behalf and — as is clearly the case in Bron’s situation — the commendable job they did raising a son. That’s why Morris Peterson claimed in a taped Mother’s Day video, “We all a bunch of Momma’s Boys in this league.”
It should also be noted that when LeBron revealed the impetus for his emotional words, they came from a seat of love and protection, as opposed to irritation and exhaustion. He did say — in a slightly tickled, yet somewhat exasperated tone — that he knows his Mom, as in, “I gotta watch Moms.” But he also explained that he was concerned that Ms. James contact and interaction with KG could have put her at risk of getting banned from NBA games and, as Bron put it, “I can’t afford for my Mom not to be at every one of my games.” A comment like that could make a sap misty-eyed.
All this rambling is not make a mountain out of a molehill, but perhaps one of the great social characteristics of the NBA is the fact that such a great number of its players come from the single-parent-homes, an American issue that sociologists and government officials still view (rightfully) as a concern. Dudes need their Pops. (Randomly: I found it interesting that OJ Mayo, the product of a single Mom, highlighted Rodney Guillory’s role as a black male role model in his statement responding to ESPN’s report.)
That one instance in the second quarter of Game 4 actually shed a lot of light on who these dudes are and how/why they are the way they are.
Vincent Thomas is a SLAMOnline columnist and SLAM Magazine contributor. He can be reached at vincethomas79@gmail.com.
80 Responses to “Gloria and LeBron James”
May.13 at 4:40 pm
Elvis says:
HAHAHA….Lebron has spoken!
May.13 at 4:44 pm
Gumdrop says:
You’re right Commish you’re not like Theodore “Beaver” Cleveland. You’re more of a Theo Huxtable–and Heathcliff would not allow you to speak to Claire that way.
May.13 at 4:45 pm
Gumdrop says:
’nuff said
May.13 at 4:50 pm
nic says:
way to bring in the craig/deebo fight! (that boy about to go cry in his car…)
May.13 at 5:01 pm
Tommy Patron says:
It’s Cleaver, guys.
May.13 at 5:06 pm
Dallas J says:
i can relate to what lebron did. it is a single mother thing. you grow up being the man of the house and your mom is kinda crazy… you get away with alot more.
May.13 at 5:10 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Who’s left that hasn’t stepped up to defend LeBron during these playoffs? We’ve already had Jay-Z, Ryan, his mom. Who’s next? I feel like the next time he gets fouled hard, the heavens will open and God Himself will pluck away the offending Celtic. (So watch out, James Posey.) The only question is whether God will look like Morgan Freeman. I vote yes.
May.13 at 5:20 pm
H to the izzo says:
Moses has been pretay quiet about this whole issue.
May.13 at 5:24 pm
WhaHuh says:
Good insight, but I think you missed the point that she has been raising him as a “meal ticket” ever since he picked up his first basketball. She needed to protect him because he will provide their future. He and his mother have always known that he could become exponentially rich and his drive to provide for his family has made him what he is today. “first billionaire athlete and Global icon”
May.13 at 5:38 pm
tealish says:
Hahaha @ Russ, it IS getting ridiculous but this article does make a point. LeBron still acted like a punk, but understanding his background made it somewhat less appalling.
May.13 at 6:01 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
too complicated of a topic to get into at the end of the day.maybe we can pick this up 2moro. another good one vince…
May.13 at 6:10 pm
Z says:
WhaHuh : to make a statement so bold, i assume that you know Gloria and LeBron on a personal level. However, my gut feeling is that you don’t and you’re talking out of your a…
May.13 at 6:11 pm
Z says:
Russ doesn’t like the fact that everybody loves him some lebron. okay.
May.13 at 6:16 pm
WhaHuh says:
Z isnt that what your supposed to do on the internet? I dont know LeBron anymore than you or Vincent does. This whole discussion is brought out of assumptions and steryotypes.
May.13 at 6:28 pm
Captain America says:
Vincent, sounds like you don’t know jack about ‘Bron’s upbringing.
May.13 at 7:04 pm
Z says:
@ Kha : I’d really like to hear you on this as an African American. As an African, I don’t fully understand the sociocultural effects of the single-mon phenomenon because its really not that common where I come from (granted we’ve got other problmes). Vince acknowledged the fact that he was making assumptions about LeBron’s upbringing. You were not, WhaHuh. Anyhow, much ado about nothing. Oh and “where I come from” is Dakar, Senegal. (Diop, stand up!… not)
May.13 at 7:05 pm
thebirdman says:
Watch the video again and look at KG’s face - he’s beside himself that ‘Bron would say that to his moms. Its hilarious.
May.13 at 7:15 pm
albie1kenobi says:
where’s the video?
May.13 at 7:48 pm
davidR says:
while i cant relate, i do have a cousin who grew up with a single parent mom and he has all the qualities of the single mom son you just described. how do you think a different play that grew up with the complete home would’ve reacted?
May.13 at 8:00 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
Allen would never say that 2 Ann Iverson
May.13 at 8:04 pm
Truth About It Dot Net says:
I think this is a very insightful piece…maybe it doesn’t necessarily apply to LeBron’s situation, but it’s something to get you thinking.
But to say that you are 99.99999% sure that LeBron is a better son than you is pretty sensational….unless you are an absolute shi*thead, which I doubt.
But you seem to be wrongly citing race in referring to single-mother homes. The comedians on BET, I’m 99.99999% sure, are talking about your prototypical rich, preppy, spoiled, white kids. Not those in impoverished situations….where the eldest son of a single mother is most likely to become the father figure, especially with younger siblings present, because the mom is working one, two, or even three jobs to make ends meet. The situation you describe might not necessarily apply to single-mother homes in a better financial situation…regardless of race.
May.13 at 8:08 pm
Jackie Moon says:
Ryan Jones would not talk to Lebron’s mom like that.
May.13 at 8:10 pm
WhaHuh says:
Z In typical internet style I overstated in my original comment. I’m sure you realise that it can be difficult for a single mother to work a full time job and have the time to look after children. Like Vincent said the eldest child has a big responsibility and sometimes has to contribute to household income. As a NBA player LeBron can afford to do more just contribute to his family.
May.13 at 8:46 pm
BETCATS says:
i love my mom,and my grandparents since they are the only ones who raised me. Thats all the emotions i will share for the day.
May.13 at 8:56 pm
DP says:
If I talked to my mom like that, my ass would be looking for a new place to live. But hey Vince is right about the white-black households. It is very different. I went over one of my friends house(who it white by the way) and it was shocking as hell how he and his sister justed destroyed their parents. The biggest shock was when his little sister said F*CK OFF DAD YOU ARE F*CKING DICK! Whoa, I said, easy there skip. My mom would have my head on a platter like John the Baptist.
May.13 at 10:24 pm
Ben Osborne says:
BETCATS is so real.
May.14 at 12:03 am
Kadavour says:
Reading this gave me the impression that Black people are akin to Martians as far as the Slamonline community is concerned. All this speculation is erring on the side of bullsh!t. if there’s a discussion about this tomorrow i’ll join in because y’all got it twisted.
May.14 at 12:07 am
Single Mom says:
Mr. James, I have lost my respect for you. If you were my son and said that to me, I would have slapped your ass into the next zipcode. I raised a son and the only child by myself while serving 21 years in the military. Not having a man in his life is no excuse for his behavior. Ms James has let his ass get away with to much while he was growing up. And to anyone who thinks what he did was cool is a damn Fool.
May.14 at 12:11 am
Single Mom says:
By the way, I’m Black.
May.14 at 1:14 am
RV says:
great read, i think you have a point, whether it applies to Lebron or not…i wished some posters would actually explain their comments though instead of just bashing and running
May.14 at 7:24 am
H to the izzo says:
I’m white and if I had spoke to either of my parents like that there would be……consequences.Does that mean I’m a black white person?
May.14 at 7:31 am
thesubwayconnection says:
I think the funniest part about this whole thing is that a few years ago, this *exact same* exchange happened between my brother and my mom, and my mom just walked out of the gym. I literally had to contain myself til she was out the door. LOL.
May.14 at 8:29 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
I’m white, product of 2 parents that have been married for over 40 years, and I would never curse out my parents. Not every generalization or stereotype is true, believe it or not.
More importantly, my mom picked the Hornets to win the championship before the season started! Something about how hornets are good for protecting flowers from other insects in the garden.
May.14 at 8:54 am
Eboy says:
If I ever gave sh*t to my pops when he was alive, he was willing and able to put me on the beat down list. Moms was rough with a purse and flying shoes, too!!
May.14 at 9:02 am
Rasheedionics says:
Sam’s mom is cool.
May.14 at 9:10 am
Bishop1405 says:
Interesting if not a little stereotypical thoughts there Vincent. In my minds eye I think that lebron was being a good son/man Mum(London - what!) was in his arena, at his job, in his zone acting emotionally unstable. Sometimes manhood has to supercede family relations if it is necessary to avert a situation that could hinder the grand scheme of what is important in life. To Lebron that, at this current time is this playoff series. So I salute Lebron for telling his mother to sit her derriere down! He could have gone O-dog on her and said ” You acting like a little b*tch right now…Now sit yo A$$ down”
May.14 at 9:33 am
FLUXLAND says:
I think he should have ended it with: “before I mace you!” That would have been funny!
May.14 at 9:47 am
Jukai says:
I’m with Bishop, but I think everyone already knows that by now.
May.14 at 9:52 am
Jukai says:
Honest to God, if I was in the same position, I’d probably say the same thing. He didn’t call her any names. He didn’t raise his fist to backhand slap her. He didn’t go all JR and spit on her. He told her to sit down, in fear she was gonna get thrown out of the game. He’s 23, his blood is heated, his heart is racing, his adrenaline is high, and he sees his mom trying to box Paul Pierce. THE GUY ON THE OPPOSITE TEAM IS TRYING TO CALM DOWN HIS MOTHER. Would you guys really get in so much crap from your parents if you told them that in the same situation? My mom, for one, wouldn’t care one way or the other.
May.14 at 9:56 am
Tariq says:
I can’t afford not to have my mom at my games either.
May.14 at 10:33 am
ciolkstar says:
I actually completely agree with Jukai and Bishop. At that time and place Lebron’s advice to Mrs. James was exactly the right thing to do and who else whould’ve told her. It was a passionate moment and from the way Lebron addressed it I guarantee his Moms had no problem with it.
May.14 at 11:09 am
Ryan Jones says:
Good stuff Vince. I feel it’s worth adding that OJ also cited Rodney’s status as a black male role model in the cover story and accompanying slamononline Q&A we ran with him… about 9 months ago.
May.14 at 11:13 am
H to the izzo says:
Speaking of OJ Mayo.^click that. I hate myself.
May.14 at 11:15 am
glen lewis says:
Great Friday example
May.14 at 11:17 am
Myles Brown says:
Id like to think that Bron just said that because he was in the heat of competition and not because it’s reflective of how he treats his mother on a regular basis.
May.14 at 11:18 am
Eboy says:
Co-sign Myles.
May.14 at 11:42 am
Jukai says:
Don’t lose too much sleep over it Myles.
May.14 at 11:47 am
Andrew says:
We all momma’s boys in this website.
May.14 at 12:06 pm
Hoffman says:
Great job Vince! You made some very intersting observations.
May.14 at 12:16 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
I also co-sign what myles said. the issue in and of itself it very complicated though. singles mother raised households–i’m not a fan. but i understand the root causes and why it happens. if u guys really care i’ll explain, otherwise we can go on to something else.
May.14 at 12:37 pm
Tariq says:
Please elaborate, Khalid.
May.14 at 1:14 pm
Kadavour says:
Myles, the voice of reason.
May.14 at 1:15 pm
Kadavour says:
Khalid, take a shot at it please
May.14 at 1:22 pm
Kadavour says:
Izzo, that Shawn Kemp’s Offspring thing about Mayo was a good read. thanks
May.14 at 1:27 pm
H to the izzo says:
Kadavour:Thanks.
May.14 at 1:41 pm
Allenp says:
I think that Vince had a good take on the black single mother and son dynamic. I also think that folks need to read his post and realize that he acknowleged that he was stereotyping white and black folks, but was using common memes to make a point. Like I said on the other post, I would not have said that to my mom, but mom also wouldn’t have been trying to fight if I got fouled hard during a basketball game. She doesn’t roll that way and neither do I. I think Bron behaved the way his relationship with his mom allowed him to behave. Period.
May.14 at 1:54 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
sorry. one minute…..
May.14 at 2:21 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
i would approximate that roughly 75 percent of the people i know (my peers, friends, etc) were raised in single parent homes. 100 percent of those homes were led by women. Myself included. Different reasons but the majority because their parents split up. I have a diversified existence because i purposely reach out to different cultures and try to understand them but my conditioning is supremly rooted in black america. it is no joke to say that its an epidemic but it doesn’t get talked about with the correct seriusness because its not new. Its not cutting edge. its been like this for at least 25 years. Now i know other races/ethnic groups deal with this as well but i’m speaking on specifically how it relates to the Nba which of course is mainly black. The events of the 1970’s set of a chain reaction that we are still reeling from. black vietnam vets, frustrated by racism (after dying in disporportionate numbers over there) lost hope in the us. this is after the civil rights era. they thought it was all good or at least better. for many of them it wasn’t. they rebelled against the system and were lost to us. second. the influx of drugs and weapons ballooned in the 70s and exploded in the 80s. drugs esp hit mnay black commu mites hard. coke, smack, lsd, pcp were all popular with our parents. they were high as hell (where do u think disco came from) but unlike their white counterparts didn’t get or couldn’t afforf rehab so those addictions lingered. thirdly. black professionals who were excepted into the mainstream left a hole in all-black urban areas. you took all the “real dudes” and the high earners out of the city. leaving behind the blue collars people who began to lose jobs overseas. no jobs mean no money. and its hard to be the “man of the house” when your women is the breadwinner. couples broke up and it got worse in the 80’s when drug violence began to traumatize the inner city. a mentality of ruthlessness was created that was somehow given to the youth as a “cool” thing. the next generation of kids growing up in the 80’s (my generation) were confused as to whom to emulate. so we grew up with confused feelings about manhood and fatherhood. it then got worse in the 90’s and today nobody even cares really. young men grow up with authority in the household.once you get to be as tall/strong as your mom and u earn your own money you don’t behave like a child should. you feel empowered from a young age. so lebron (i know i went long but this is really complicated and i didn’t want to cut anymore corner then i already have) speaking to him mom like that isn’;t really that amazing. he happens way more than people think.
May.14 at 2:24 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
sorry for all the typos. i’m workin on two things at once and didnt focus enough on the post
May.14 at 3:14 pm
speedy says:
I think his mom brought him into a situation he could have handled in another, kinder way but the end would have been the same ( she should have stayed in the seat).
He is a grown man and is working for the NBA .So if he is at work he is working with other people and maybe they have a disput. But if that happens let him, even though he is your ‘baby’, take care of his business .
May.14 at 3:27 pm
TADOne says:
That was deep and informative Khalid. Good post. Kudos for typing all of that as clear and concise as you did while working on two things.
May.14 at 3:41 pm
Tariq says:
Khalid: “The next generation of kids growing up in the 80’s (my generation) were confused as to whom to emulate. so we grew up with confused feelings about manhood and fatherhood.” I found this to be not only profound, but also universal. I wrote something about this. About how there is something extremely skewed in trying to emulate athletes. I think they should be viewed solely as entertainers. The one twentieth-century person who I really would like to emulate is Malcolm X.
May.14 at 3:46 pm
John E. Sanford says:
I gotta co-sign TADOne’s sentiments Khalid. It’s really sad that this issue is just brushed aside so thoughtlessly.
May.14 at 3:48 pm
albie1kenobi says:
great POV, Khalid.
i feel that many negative traits from black americans (bling out aka “irrational use of money”, drug use, perturbing violence) are unfairly criticized by the main stream mass. it’s that much tougher to “succeed” in life when they were given such a tough hand to start the game with. with so little resource around, a completely different mentality is needed to simply survive.
education, for example, has no value in the ghetto. education is a luxury, and it’s investment for the future. if one is struggling just to survive “now”, why would one even think about the future? with the lack of education, there can’t be a change of culture, and it only keeps the viscious cycle going.
I, by no means, have any experience with this, these are all theories from my gathering of info through reading and talking to a small handful of people. this issue obviously is bigger than all of us, and it’ll take a long while (if ever) for the society to solve this epidemic because it’s so deep rooted, as Khalid pointed out.
May.14 at 3:51 pm
tealish says:
Hm. I liked Khalid’s post. It really isn’t that amazing, but it still takes you aback. And however tiny a look into the upbringing of the single-parent child it may be, it does make it more understandable and yet I still wish he hadn’t said what he said in the way that he said it. It can be a commonplace and also unacceptable - but I digress.
I’m also pretty sure he regretted (sincerely, unlike the other PR stuff he spits out) his manner, so that shows it’s a heat of the moment kind of thing that many of you have called it. Eh, who cares. Let’s hope he comes to ball tonight.
May.14 at 4:20 pm
Co Co says:
I understand the heat of the moment, but you can’t cuss at your mom like that. Especially not on national television.
May.14 at 4:25 pm
Bryant Reeves says:
save your bs psychoanalysis for another website
May.14 at 4:38 pm
Ben Osborne says:
Thanks Khalid.
May.14 at 4:47 pm
Allenp says:
I also think men and women had very different reactions to this incident.
May.14 at 5:02 pm
jay says:
I know some mammas who would walk out on the court and smack their kids across the head and get thrown out, because they dont play that ish.
May.14 at 5:26 pm
Jukai says:
Congratulations, Jay. We’re very happy for you.
May.14 at 5:56 pm
tealish says:
Co Co, I agree totally.
May.14 at 6:18 pm
d.Y. says:
Khalid makes great points, but to all the “heat of the moment” cats… really? There was no fistfight, nobody was holding a gun or blade near him. Despite the money involved, it was still just a game. Control yourself while playing games . I don’t care who the man of the house is, when you’re out in the world, protect your family.
May.14 at 6:39 pm
Jukai says:
d.Y., have you ever played a sport before? I mean.. That’s such a ridiculous statement to make. I get an adrenaline boost just watching the game, no one needs to stick a knife to my throat.
May.14 at 7:22 pm
snyper48 says:
I’m a black african single parent raised man and let me tell you that this issue is much more class/money related than race related.Great work Vince and Kha.izzo you’re a black white funny person for real.
May.14 at 8:52 pm
foreigner1307 says:
On a totally different track, did anyone notice the insanely competitive (on the court anyways) KG playing the part of peacemaker in what was a fairly heated situation? Speaks alot about him as a person…
May.14 at 10:31 pm
Dacre says:
Russ Bengtson says:
Who’s left that hasn’t stepped up to defend LeBron during these playoffs? We’ve already had Jay-Z, Ryan, his mom. Who’s next? I feel like the next time he gets fouled hard, the heavens will open and God Himself will pluck away the offending Celtic. (So watch out, James Posey.) The only question is whether God will look like Morgan Freeman. I vote yes.
________________________________________________
…
May.15 at 2:35 am
Kadavour says:
this might not be the forum for this discussion. I took a race, class and gender course @ BC about 2 years ago but even that demographic (largely white 70k+/year families) couldn’t give informed opinions about the dynamics of low income families…maybe someone else on here can chime in
May.15 at 10:44 am
Capital says:
People are taking this too far. Imagine the support of his mother being banned from every game he plays in the NBA for the rest of his career. Is that not reason enough to tell her to sit her ass down?
May.15 at 8:47 pm
kelly says:
Single mom… I just wanna say i like what you’ve said about Lebron,he shoulden’t say things like that to anyone,especially his mother,it’s wrong!