Links: New NBA Ads! (Well, New Fake Ones)
There can only be one. Or two. Or maybe three…
Hopefully by now you’ve seen the NBA’s new advertising campaign launched for the Playoffs. In this series of ads, the faces of two players are spliced together as the players recite a short speech about their love for the game, the importance of the postseason, etc. The NBA calls the ads, “There Can Be Only One.”
I like the ads. Even though I’ve seen them about 100 times by now, they’re very well done and, to a casual viewer, they’re visually stunning.
My only problem with the ads is that they only feature guys who are actually in the Playoffs. Wouldn’t they be more fun if they were all-inclusive? So, as a service to the NBA, I thought I’d write up a few prospective ads as they would appear if filmed right now…
Mike Conley/Greg Oden
What did you say, that I shouldn’t have gone pro early? That if I stayed in school, I could’ve participated in March Madness and had the college experience? That I wouldn’t have spent the entire year sitting on the bench in the NBA? Is that what you said? Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was too busy spending the millions of dollars I made this year instead of getting pimped by the NCAA.
Zach Randolph/Ron Artest
You know me. I’m a star, baby, a superstar. I can do it all, too — score, rebound, defend, whatever the coach asks of me. People have said that I have problems, that I can’t accept authority, that I don’t know how to play team basketball. Those people are idiots. My posse hates people like that.
Devin Harris/Shawn Marion
Remember me? I used to play in the Western Conference, where men are men and the teams are good. Then I was traded East, asked to play on a terrible team that didn’t make the Playoffs. Now my old team is in the postseason, and they sure do miss me. But screw them. I’m going to Jamaica for a vacation.
Drew Gooden/Larry Hughes
Since I was a kid, I dreamed of being the best. Then I met the best, and his name is LeBron. And let me tell you, LeBron is incredible. I used to play with him. The only problem is that my former GM, Danny Ferry, doesn’t really know what he’s doing and he traded me to Chicago in the middle of the season. Now, instead of playing alongside LeBron, I’ve got to deal with an interim coach and a bunch of crazy younger guys who are all too short.
Robert Swift/Shaun Livingston
Back in high school, I was a pretty good basketball player. In fact, I was so good I didn’t even need to go to college — I went straight from high school to the NBA. That was a dream come true. But you know what hasn’t been so much fun? Suffering every stupid injury in the world since I came to the NBA. Yeah, that really sucks. Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I wish I was back in high school. LOL!
Stephen Jackson/Baron Davis
Hey, you want to do me a favor? Get that damn camera out of my face before I smack a bi…
55 Responses to “Links: New NBA Ads! (Well, New Fake Ones)”
Apr.23 at 5:11 pm
d.Y. says:
Does it count as “links” if there’s only one link?
Apr.23 at 5:14 pm
creativity says:
paging j.e. skeets…
Apr.23 at 5:16 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
haha thats classic!
Apr.23 at 5:21 pm
John E. Sanford says:
Awesome stuff LW.
Apr.23 at 5:26 pm
Diesel says:
Adam Morrison and Stan Van Gundy split screen. “They told me I could never grow such a full, thick stache. They were wrong”
Apr.23 at 5:48 pm
Allenp says:
Now this was funny.
Apr.23 at 6:11 pm
FLUXLAND says:
Lang, why does it feel you held back or cleaned up some of these to PG13? Either way, pretty funny. The last one and the LOL had me LOLing!
Apr.23 at 6:13 pm
Allen says:
I love how the goatees of Hughes and Gooden match perfectly. Nice work.
Apr.23 at 6:27 pm
Benny The Jet Rodriguez says:
Stephen Davis is one ugly mofo.
Apr.23 at 6:30 pm
Tariq says:
These split screens remind me of Conan O’Brien’s “If They Mated”.
Apr.23 at 6:35 pm
Tariq says:
Also, as bad as the Shaq trade was, it pales in comparison to the Kidd trade. I mean, at least with Shaq SOMETHING has improved. At least they have a post presence now. Especially on defense. Still dumb, but Dallas hasn’t gained ANYTHING. And I know CP3 would still have his numbers, but he’d at least have to work for his points, as opposed to strolling to the rim while holding a Slurpee.
Apr.23 at 6:38 pm
ciolkstar says:
Robert Swift definitely has the worst complexion of anybody I’ve ever seen. He looks pink/purple. I’ve heard this before but maybe he’s actually so pale that he’s become translucent?
Apr.23 at 6:42 pm
ciolkstar says:
Zach/Artest looks like he’s winking. Oden’s face looks like a half melted version of Connley’s (like 2 face from Batman.)Creepy.
Apr.23 at 6:44 pm
DP says:
I loved the Devin Harris and Shawn Marion one! ha screw them in the a*s! I know they can’t wait to the draft for real. play wit it.
Apr.23 at 6:46 pm
what says:
Stephen Davis might be ugly, but the Panthers sure do wish DeShaun Foster was half as good as him.
Apr.23 at 6:52 pm
what says:
Also, Zron Rantest might be even uglier than Stephen Davis.
Apr.23 at 7:00 pm
Dark says:
LOL got me.
Apr.23 at 7:27 pm
David says:
Hughes/Gooden had me cracking up. Good job. I’m sure it must have been fun making them, too. Can we get a Russ/Ryan ad? “I used to be the editor. Why doesn’t anyone listen to my opinion about the MVP award? I miss working at the magazine…”
Apr.23 at 7:32 pm
Holly MacKenzie says:
Definitely not feeling that comment, Benny the Jet… LOVE Jax. Great stuff, Lang. Randolph/Artest cracks me up.
Apr.23 at 7:53 pm
Ink says:
Why doesn’t Robert Swift go to Jamaica this summer?
Apr.23 at 8:06 pm
jay says:
there should be a three faced one with memphis front line of kwame, darko and collins.
Apr.23 at 8:10 pm
Gerard Himself says:
should’ve done one with Haywood / Benny the Bull.
Apr.23 at 8:16 pm
Hursty says:
hahaha, jay thats the three headed monster of…um… not-being-good-players.
Apr.23 at 8:20 pm
Hursty says:
Clutch and the Bear.
Apr.23 at 9:00 pm
Tariq says:
I’d love to see one of DeShawn and Drew.
Apr.23 at 9:02 pm
Tariq says:
DeShawn Gooden:
“I have an awesome beard, but I only groom one half of my face. I like to leave the other half scraggly and fossil-filled. Also, while I’m an adequate player, my skills are far outweighed by the magnitude of my facial hair, wherein lies my true contribution to society. F*ck Video Game James.”
Apr.23 at 9:44 pm
Truth About It Dot Net says:
Great work…. High school players get injured because they aren’t physically mature (LeBron being the one in 18 lifetimes exception). Increase the age limit by a year!!
Apr.23 at 10:00 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
How about Tracy McGrady and Grant Hill: “I came into the League with a big shoe contract, a big salary and big expectations. When I signed with the Orlando Magic for the max, they thought I would be the one to take them all the way. Instead here I am, in the Western Conference, and I still haven’t made it out of the first round of the playoffs. And it doesn’t look good this year, either. Oh well, I don’t have to give any of the money back, right?”
Apr.23 at 10:09 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Eddy Curry and Jerome James? “You know what I like best about the NBA? The per diem money and the postgame spreads. And room service. Oh, room service. I even have room service in my house! And if you play in New York like I do, there are great restaurants on every corner. I should know—I’ve been to them all. Anyone who ever looked at me should have known not to give me a huge contract—but thankfully one person didn’t. Thanks Isiah!”
Apr.23 at 10:13 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Antoine Walker and Malik Rose? “Once upon a time, I won an NBA championship. You don;t remember? To be honest, sometimes I don’t, either. Thank God I have the games on DVD and that empty Veuve Clicquot bottle to remind me. Actually, I have a lot of empty bottles—and I empty more of them every time I watch the DVD. Which is every night. I’m reaching the end of my career now, and I’m stuck on a team that can’t even win 25 games? And I don’t even play! HELP!!!!”
Apr.23 at 10:22 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Vince Carter and Jermaine O’Neal? “I’ve done about everything you can do in this league except win a championship. And I’m still in my prime. But somehow I couldn’t even get my team to the playoffs this year. In the Eastern Conference. Which is kind of like, I don’t know, losing the presidency to George W. Bush. But hey, there’s always next year, right? I’m coming back stronger than ever. Just you watch.”
Apr.23 at 11:11 pm
Paniscus says:
Clay Bennett and David Stern? “The thing about being truly rich and powerful is, basic principles of honor and truthfulness just don’t apply any more. Well, there are some principles that do apply. It’s OK to force Oklahoma City’s poor to pay so long as I get what I want. And it’s important to ignore 41 years of basketball history if it establishes a precedent of extortion in the negotiation of stadium deals.”
Apr.23 at 11:28 pm
jay says:
woww Russ, you should’ve just wrote a follow up post on this. real funny.
Apr.23 at 11:44 pm
Lakers Blog says:
I was watching TNT earlier and an NBA Playoffs commercial came on for the Lakers Nuggets series with a split screen of Derek Fisher and Marcus Camby… I love these commercials. The NBA’s PR staff has really been putting together great commercials this season.
Apr.24 at 1:18 am
Lang Whitaker says:
We should get Russ a blog.
Apr.24 at 1:37 am
dma says:
it’s a shame nobody rips on Wade…
Apr.24 at 2:09 am
Russ Bengtson says:
Hey man, I didn’t want to copy. Just figured I’d add to the fun. I thought about doing Wade/Penny, but then I remembered Penny never won a title. Oh well.
Apr.24 at 2:11 am
FLUXLAND says:
RUSS!!!! FANTASTIC!! I know you prob. got tons more… in fact I believe you could do it for every player in the L.Lang, get this man a blog or column or something. Oh wait..
Apr.24 at 3:37 am
Russ Bengtson says:
Darius Miles and Steve Francis: “I was once a high draft pick who showed lots of promise. Even better, I got to spend the early portion of my career playing with my best friend. We used a kind of secret code between us that we never told anyone else about. It was either really cool or really creepy. Then we got split up, and everything went downhill. I got dealt to Portland and was basically paid to stay away. My career is over, but I’ve still got guaranteed millions coming. I love this game!”
Apr.24 at 7:42 am
Son of Shawn says:
yes, it´s very funny, but what draft pick would be Oden this year with the knee situation?, I supposse that he would have lose a position or two (not to mention the rehab work that you could do being a NBA rich and pro player instead a college unpaid and “amateur” player)
Apr.24 at 7:43 am
Son of Shawn says:
have lost
Apr.24 at 9:12 am
ktokyo says:
I love how you used the picture of Zach Randolph where he’s high as hell. I remember those pictures from Sports Illustrated in the season preview issue. If you take a look, Randolph and Quentin Richardson are both high as f*ck.
Apr.24 at 9:33 am
k$ says:
goodwork
Apr.24 at 10:29 am
BETCATS says:
goodsh!t!!!!
Apr.24 at 11:05 am
John D says:
LMAO at the D-Miles/Steve Francis one
Apr.24 at 11:27 am
bad knee guy says:
yo i just saw the paul pierce-mike bibby split…bibby wants respect from the “fair-weather” celtics fans….
Apr.24 at 12:19 pm
we dem hornets says:
i made this one…hornets up..breaking the dallas curse come friday
Apr.24 at 3:00 pm
steve says:
Where is the one with David Stern and Clay Bennett telling Seattle to kiss their a…..?
Apr.24 at 3:51 pm
tenorca says:
Lang: I got this late but its faannnntastic.
Apr.24 at 3:58 pm
tenorca says:
Can we get one that’s just Odom and Damon Stoudamire taking a bong rip?
Apr.24 at 4:08 pm
JD says:
Pretty good, Lang. But the B.Diddy and Jack one was too much.
Apr.24 at 4:56 pm
t-rocc says:
hilarious stuff, Lang…
Apr.26 at 12:58 pm
BigBallerD says:
Robby Swift should take a plane to Jamaica get a tan and never come back
May.2 at 3:36 pm
SLAM ONLINE | » Links: NBA Friday says:
[…] • Last week, when I was scrounging around for head shots of NBA players for this post, I stumbled over this page on the Miami Heat website, featuring various members of their 2003-04 team, which was pretty startling. If they hadn’t moved the world to get Shaq, who aged his way off the team, and instead they let these guys mature and added players through the Draft, they could right now have a lineup with at least Rafer Alston, Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, Lamar Odom and Udonis Haslem. And in the East, that might be a Conference winner. Is winning that one title worth it? Should Boston fans be paying attention right now? […]
Jun.4 at 10:32 am
SLAM ONLINE | » The origin of the NBA’s There Can Be Only One campaign says:
[…] The NBA scored a big hit this postseason with their “There Can Be Only One” campaign. Lang came up with some of his own, and the NBA is encouraging people to do the same with themselves. Here’s mine to the left. It’s me and KG. Look at how much more intensity I have than him! Even Time Magazine “borrowed” the concept. […]