March I’m Madness
The Commish’s bracket is for the birds…
Brackets? I hate brackets and this putrid month of March. I never feel more idiotic than during this three-week stretch of upsets and Cinderellas, which, by the way, is easily the wackest way to refer to overachieving male athletes. Go ‘head, liken these valiant young men to some broad in a gown and glass stilettos, how appropriate. Excuse the vitriol, but two of my Final Four squads (Pitt and G’Town) are gone thanks to my continued, unreciprocated love and loyalty I show the Big East. So, for the umpteenth time in my life, I’ll brood through the rest of the tournament with the single worse bracket in the country. Allow me to digress but for a moment…
How many brethren out there have spent at least several hours on the SI Vault website? In the spirit of March Madness, I went back and unearthed some of my favorite college basketball articles from my shorty-years, the ones that I’d read over and over and over again, until I could quote them verbatim. The Chris Jackson piece (”Can’t Hold This Tiger”) was always one of my go-to pieces when I had a long date with the porcelain. I hadn’t seen him play before that issue arrived. I spent the next two seasons obsessing over him, the same way I obsessed over Kenny Anderson a year later. “Showdown I” was my joint, for that reason. It was a compare/contrast piece on Anderson and his Duke rival, Bobby Hurley, whom I hated for several reasons. These types of articles were my childhood. But, perhaps my favorite article of that era was “A Rose In Full Bloom”, a piece Curry Kirkpatrick penned after the Wolverines’ Southeast regional win over Jimmy Jackson’s OSU Buckeyes and before they were set to take on Cincinnati.
I’ll always remember that season and that article, because I read it with gloating, know-it-all eyes. I knew those freshmen were gonna march through the tournament, which they continued to do until Duke buzz-sawed them in the second-half of the championship game. That year, 1991, remains the only time that I’ve ever correctly picked the championship game. For me, picking a Duke-Michigan Finals was a no-brainer, though not for any real insightful or prescient reasons. It was simple — Duke was, by far, the best team in college basketball (when not playing the Kentucky Wildcats) and the Fab Five were My Dudes. That was gonna be my Finals pick regardless, even if both teams showed up in the same bracket. Every year before that and since then has been tragic and it doesn’t matter how I go about choosing the squads. I tried for years to use expertise and knowledge, only to feel much more idiotic when a Valparaiso “shocks” Ole Miss or a bunch of mid-major castaways make it to the Final Four (George Mason) or some other team — any team — unexpectedly submarines, while another plays like a pack of Teen Wolves. There was 2002 when I managed to pick Maryland, Kansas, Indiana and Oklahoma to advance to the Final Four, only to fail to pick either of the squads that went on to the Finals. Year after year, more knuckle-headedness.
This year, it’s been more of the same, but maybe a little worse. My bracket is a pathetic farce, made even more sad since my lil brother called me Thursday morning, looking for some “expert advice” and I proudly called out my picks, even gave him a few alternate picks, only to lead him down the same, sad, schmuck-steered path I travel every March.
The unpredictability of the tourney just isn’t my bag. I like plot twists in my films. But I like blindside attacks in my sports about as much as like them in my automobile. And it irks me that the same caprice that helps Terri win her office pool, because Davidson’s jerseys are the same color as the marinara stain on her blouse, never works in my favor. I picked USC and Baylor to advance because I wanted them to — it was that simple. I wanted to see O.J. Mayo put together a transcendent tourney-run into the Sweet 16. No dice. I wanted Baylor to get some feel-good to counter the school’s recent tragedy, but, Purdue played like some heartless, cold-blooded blowhards. I picked ‘Zona because I thought that my favorite college point (Bayless) and a crop of blue-chips playing for a storied program would snag a vic over a school located in a state of, primarily, inbred hillbillies. Little did I know that most of West Virginia’s roster came from other states, which killed my inbred hillbilly logic. I can’t tell you why UCLA escaped a fate similar to G’Town’s. These things upset me. I don’t find it entertaining at all.
1991. That was my year. 2008 is more of the same and it annoys me. Ultimately though, I’m a college basketball fan, so I’m gonna watch the bulk of the 15 remaining games…but I’m not gonna like it.
26 Responses to “March I’m Madness”
Mar.25 at 2:21 pm
TADOne says:
Ah yes, the Fab Five. One of the many reasons I hate Duke. I still cannot believe they didn’t win a Chip. Guess you can’t buy a championship in college.
Mar.25 at 2:25 pm
arthur says:
It’s been 17 years, Vincent. Get over it.
Mar.25 at 2:26 pm
H to the izzo says:
TAd:Check your comments.
Mar.25 at 2:27 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
As far as crappy brackets go, get in line. Seriously debating whether or not i’m ever doin a bracket again. There are too many variables, too many lucky shots and too much damn fouls messing up star player playing time. The variables are great, too great in fact. Picking the final four is feasible but what about getting through the 1st 2 days?
Mar.25 at 2:28 pm
John E. Sanford says:
I feel you Vincent. Due to past NCAA tournament prognostications, I didn’t even do a bracket this year. Duke and Michigan actually met for the ‘chip in 1992, I was crushed when the Fab Five lost that game.
Mar.25 at 2:29 pm
H to the izzo says:
Too much Stephen Curry.I officially disowned my bracket on third day.
Mar.25 at 2:30 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Last year was the first year in a long time that I didn’t fill out a bracket at all, and I enjoyed the tournament tremendously. This year, more of the same. I’m never filling out a bracket again. Why would I root against a likeable underdog like Davidson just for the sake of being right?
Mar.25 at 2:32 pm
TADOne says:
Izzo: I sent a response to you.
Mar.25 at 2:33 pm
TADOne says:
Doing a bracket sometimes makes the tournament fun, but i’ll never root for money over a great game and unexpected upset. They happen every year.
Mar.25 at 2:36 pm
H to the izzo says:
You discover things about yourself at tourney time,for instance in the Duke vs Belmont game I was hoping Duke wouldn’t be upset.I actually wanted Duke NOT to tank in the first round for the sake of me looking like I can predict the future.I was disgusted with myself and have mended my ways and TAD:where?
Mar.25 at 2:37 pm
TADOne says:
On your blog.
Mar.25 at 2:39 pm
H to the izzo says:
Tad:No there.
Mar.25 at 2:41 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Duke losing is the best part of any tournament. I’d root for the IRS over Duke.
Mar.25 at 2:44 pm
TADOne says:
Izzo: There now, sorry. Also, Co sign Russ.
Mar.25 at 2:54 pm
Captain America says:
D.A.V.I.D.S.O.N.
Mar.25 at 3:00 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
the NCAA tourney is one reason why computers will never completely replace paper. It’s always fun to rip your bracket in half. You can’t really do that to your computer.
p.s. 99% of the Big East is dead to me forever.
Mar.25 at 3:12 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
I havent had a really good bracket since the year uconn won. that was ‘04 right? and sam while true you can only rip paper i contemplated pouring soda on my television when drake lost.
Mar.25 at 3:19 pm
Reggie says:
Wisconsin will win the NCAA Championship. Bo Ryan is a very good players coach. His team is very Discipline and Michael Flowers is one of the Best Defensive players in the country. That’s the way this kid has played back in the past. On my 8th grade AAU team in Madison. Michael also was another Michael Vick in H.S. at Lafollette H.S. on the Football Feild.
Mar.25 at 5:46 pm
a. sam says:
F*ck brackets. Never again.
Mar.25 at 6:28 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
wut up vince!
Mar.25 at 11:47 pm
Ben Osborne says:
Vince I bought that Chris Jackson SI so as to keep it in mint condition unlike my father’s subscription copy which always got well-read. CJ was one of my favorite college players ever and SI definitely used to be the place to read about those guys. Re. brackets, I think I’ve been filling out NCAA Tourney entries for more than 20 years (first via my father’s office, then organizing pools myself in high school, then workplace and friend pools in college and beyond). And I have NEVER won. In a related story, I write and edit stories about basketball for a living. Damn.
Mar.26 at 7:13 pm
albie1kenobi says:
Ben, you just proved that having sh!tload of basketball logic/experience doesn’t have anything to do with picking the right bracket. a blind monkey with a pen can (and probably will) do better on the brackets than all of us spending hours putting one together. i retired my bracket days after i printed out a bracket for the first time a few years ago.
Mar.28 at 1:58 pm
sdfigits says:
Ziemlich offen bin ich nur froh dieser Posten nicht sich dreht um kobes offensichtliche Größe.
Mar.28 at 2:03 pm
sdfigits says:
Whilst dancing one night I came upon a basketball game in which every player gave it his all and hustled for every minute he was on the floor, making up for shoddy play with boundless energy and heart. Than a nasty referee made a series of questionable and wretched calls which decided the game. I then turned off the college basketball game I was watching.
Mar.30 at 11:14 am
Bubba Chuck says:
Nuggets win! We are in the playoffs!!! K-Mart was a beast! JR Smith & Linas Kleiza were gooooood! I feel bad 4 ai. B-Diddy & Stack Jack r my boiz but i needed them 2 lose this 1! Seeing David Thompson was cool! I didnt know where else 2 post this so i posted it in alot of places. Go Nuggets
Apr.2 at 10:22 pm
Bubba Chuck says:
Nuggets!