Eric Gordon, Pat Riley & The Sexiest Welshman Alive
I don’t think this bodes well for Eboy.
Pat Riley came to Penn State yesterday to watch a basketball game. This obviously had nothing to do with Penn State and everything to do with who the Nittany Lions were playing. This is understandable, because neither my Nittany Lions nor Riles’ Miami Heat are very good.
But, unlike the underachieving Heat, my boys are actually playing over their heads. Without their two best players, Penn State closed out the Big Ten regular season by beating No. 17 Indiana in OT. Eric Gordon was pretty good, in the way that incredibly talentented players can be pretty good without actually trying that hard. He scored a game-high 26 points, but he shot just 8 of 24, including 4 of 16 from three, and he missed his last six shots in regulation and overtime.
I told you Kevin Love should’ve been on the cover (1:03). Maybe Josh Shipp, too.
So my hard-luck squad started four freshman and a JuCo transfer — a group that included the wonderfully named backcourt duo of Battle and Pringle, neither of whom stands taller than 5-11, and who shot a combined 4 of 27 yesterday — and still beat a team with a couple of first-round draft picks. Needless to say, I left happy.
I don’t know about Riles, though — coming all this way, leaving South Beach for Central PA to see his possible Lottery pick not look particularly impressive. I would’ve asked Riles for his thoughts on the game, but he wasn’t doing media. I did, however, find these notes near his seat after the game…
-DeAndre Thomas has a nice rack, but he’s no Dyan Cannon. I miss L.A.
-I’m thinking of using a very high Lottery pick on Eric Gordon, a 6-4, shoot-first lead guard. Note to self: Check roster to see if we’ve already got one of those.
-Who’s this white guy coaching Indiana? What happened to Kelvin Sampson? Did he get fired? Note to self: See if I can hire him to coach the Heat for half a season next year when I take another semi-hiatus retirement. Hopefully he’s still available.
In totally unrelated news, loyal readers of this column might be curious to know why I was in Great Britain last week. It’s sort of embarrasing, but I feel like we’re family, so, full-disclosure: I had to pick up an award.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.
49 Responses to “Eric Gordon, Pat Riley & The Sexiest Welshman Alive”
Mar.10 at 11:16 am
Eboy says:
This guy’s so fu*king hot, they don’t even attach a photo of his gorgeous, oil covered ass. What a letdown.
Mar.10 at 11:17 am
TADOne says:
So there are uglier, pale people in Great Britain?
Mar.10 at 11:18 am
Eboy says:
Then I get to see Deandre Thomas’s big jugs and the Dyan Cannon link isn’t working. Bad for me, for real. Thanks Jones.
Mar.10 at 11:25 am
Eboy says:
Subtle D-Wade dig, nice. This is all about the boil over, isn’t it?
Mar.10 at 11:31 am
Eboy says:
I almost wish I could be mad at you for killing Riley, but I really wish I could kill him literally, so I’m with you in your denegration of him. And upon initial reading of the title of this piece, I thought you were going to say you had met Izzo and that he actually resembles a handsome man and you annointed him with that title yourself.
Mar.10 at 11:33 am
Ryan Jones says:
Killing Riley was not my intent. And I think Izzo’s Irish, which, as I’m sure he’ll be quick to tell you, is not at all the same as being Welsh.
Mar.10 at 11:37 am
TADOne says:
Aren’t they all drunks?
Mar.10 at 11:41 am
Eboy says:
Well, I’m glad it came out that way, in my mind anyway, Ryan. His Just For Men dye jobs have been killing his decision making this season, so he’s on the sh*t list, regardless. And Welsh, Irish…..really? Does it matter? Isn’t that like comparing the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s?
Mar.10 at 11:41 am
Sesa says:
Sarcasm as always
Mar.10 at 11:42 am
Ryan Jones says:
Again with the apostrophes. I thought we were past this.
Mar.10 at 11:43 am
TADOne says:
It must kill Ryan going from teaching hungover college kids to our crap comments. Then again, there probably isn’t much difference.
Mar.10 at 11:44 am
Eboy says:
F*ck grammar!
Mar.10 at 11:45 am
Ryan Jones says:
It’s Spring Break. No class. You guys are the only dunces I get this week.
Mar.10 at 11:46 am
TADOne says:
Lucky us.
Mar.10 at 11:47 am
TADOne says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was for the absent Holly.
Mar.10 at 11:48 am
Eboy says:
I liked Ryans’. Hes rthe coolesst teacer in da hole worlds.
Mar.10 at 11:51 am
Boing Dynasty says:
,
Mar.10 at 11:52 am
Ryan Jones says:
Eboy gets a B-.
Mar.10 at 11:55 am
Eboy says:
If only real life was so easy.
Mar.10 at 11:56 am
albie1kenobi says:
that’s some generous grading, Ryan.
damn i miss spring break. hell, any breaks.
Mar.10 at 12:01 pm
TADOne says:
Must be grading on a bell curve, apprently.
Mar.10 at 12:04 pm
Eboy says:
I think your last sentence gets a knockdown grade too, TAD.
Mar.10 at 12:07 pm
TADOne says:
It certainly should.
Mar.10 at 12:21 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Actually, maybe they DO need Eric Gordon…
AP—Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade will undergo a procedure on his left knee and is expected to miss the rest of the regular season, according to published reports.
“I think it’s time. We’ve been walking around on eggshells with this thing,” Heat coach Pat Riley told reporters. “This treatment will help him.”
Wade will undergo a stimulation treatment on Tuesday, according to the Miami Herald.
The South Florida Sun-Sentinel said the procedure would keep Wade off the court for 30 days. Miami’s season ends April 16.
Wade missed Friday’s game against the Golden State Warriors after publicly discussing his sore knee. Wade managed to play against the Atlanta Hawks on Saturday, but asked Riley to limit his minutes, according to the Herald.
Heading into Monday’s game against the Los Angeles Clippers, the Heat are an NBA-worst 11-51 this season.
Mar.10 at 12:22 pm
Eboy says:
Good get, Jones. And yes, it’s about time.
Mar.10 at 12:30 pm
Eboy says:
And now the Beasley odds should be strongly leaning in the Heat’s favor.
Mar.10 at 12:35 pm
TADOne says:
Miami Heat: Operation Shutdown.
Mar.10 at 12:37 pm
Eboy says:
No better way to the first pick. Although Myles comment from a week or so ago keeps creeping into my mind that the team with the worst record doesn’t always get the first pick.
Mar.10 at 12:43 pm
riggs says:
Dwade out for the rest of the season apparently
Mar.10 at 1:04 pm
Captain America says:
Gordon needs a little more time in college, say 10 years.
Mar.10 at 1:18 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Good to see you, Captain. What have you been up to now that there’s no more Giuliani ‘08 fund-raising to keep you busy?
Mar.10 at 1:29 pm
Cub Buenning says:
Damn, Prof., I hate when they sneak your columns in the bottom section and don’t headline ‘em. Been missing out.
Mar.10 at 1:33 pm
People's Princess says:
Apparently,D-Fish is the Laker’s “enforcer”..Lawdy I hope Holly was right when she said Mbenga would be all kindsa nasty..I mean a 6-1 PG is my team’s enforcer??? Anybody got Laimbeer’s number????
Mar.10 at 1:33 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Thanks Cub. Sam’s a hater. You know he doesn’t like White People.
Mar.10 at 1:38 pm
Eboy says:
It’s hard out there for a white guy.
Mar.10 at 1:41 pm
Ben Osborne says:
Good stuff, Ryan. When you texted me about Riles being at the game, I was thinking: gee, it’s cool that he’s out looking for help for his crappy team, but don’t they already have Gordon’s best-case future in Wade?
Mar.10 at 1:45 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Unless maybe he really was there to scout Talor Battle. All 5-8 of him.
Mar.10 at 2:38 pm
Jake Appleman says:
Good times.
Mar.10 at 2:53 pm
BETCATS says:
that backboard is some bull sh!t. Fuc USC i am jumping Shipp to UCLA. IF the refs can just hand them that game vs Stanford and that no call last night, then they are the winners
Mar.10 at 3:07 pm
Cub Buenning says:
Professor, with all due respect to Giggs.
Mar.10 at 3:10 pm
Cub Buenning says:
And Kelly LeBrock…..
Mar.10 at 3:43 pm
H to the izzo says:
I was going to point out that someone in the world had the same name as you,but “No” I said,”he’ll figure it out himslef”.Eboy is not smart.
Mar.10 at 4:06 pm
Tariq says:
And hear I thought you were in England to hear people say “whilst” a lot.
Mar.10 at 4:31 pm
Eboy says:
Another idiot who get’s lost in the sarcasm tornado. Drunkard.
Mar.10 at 5:14 pm
AP says:
Penn State Still Sucks Hoosiers 4 Life
AP
Mar.10 at 8:17 pm
DP says:
“Air Gordon” needs another year in South Bend. Or is South Bend where Norte Dame plays? anyways everyone knows Eric is going to the L because he can’t stand his new coach and Kelvin Sampson probably has been texting him to do so because he is going to be an NBA coach next year. Things just work in mysterious ways………..
Mar.11 at 5:05 am
hursty says:
AP is it worth saying that you dont have to write your name on the message? apparently so.
Mar.11 at 8:08 am
b55 says:
“sexiest man in wales invents time machine, wins 2006 award as well”
Mar.11 at 1:57 pm
Ryan Jones says:
Yeah, I was a little late getting over there. Been busy.