The NY Knicks: A place called annihilation, armageddon, cataclysm, catastrophe, decimation, devastation
Because Boston Massacre is too obvious, too kind.
Oh.
A new low for the Knicks franchise.
Again.
Last night the plan was to meet up with some friends at a bar with the NFL package to watch the Green Bay-Dallas battle for NFC supremacy on one TV, and the Knicks trying to make a statement that they aren’t the most pathetic punching bag in the league on another TV. We were all running late, so I watched most of the first half of the Knicks-Celtics game at home, and while N.Y. was being selfish with the ball, not playing defense, getting outhustled, and unable to hit a shot, it wasn’t anything worse than what we’re used to. It was a blowout to be sure, but it wasn’t quite at the level of epic embarrassment that it would soon become.
By the time I got to the bar, the Boys and Packers was shaping up to be a really good game. Brett Favre was knocked out and Aaron Rodgers stepped up and was looking like the new Brady/Romo, filling in and taking over. I turned my head to view the basketball game, which was on a smaller TV, and the score at the time seemed impossible. I tapped my friend on the shoulder and asked him to read the score of the Knicks game because my eyes were clearly deceiving me.
“60-32? Wow they’re getting killed.”
“Look again.”
“EIGHTY TO THIRTY TWO?!?!?!?!?”
People at the bar stopped watching the biggest NFC game of the year, in the most popular sport in this country to watch a basketball game featuring a team they hate, to WITNESS with macabre fascination. Yes, I am bringing back the old LeBron marketing slogan for this one, because the same feeling of amazement you get from watching his climb to the top, you can also get from watching just how low the once proud New York Knicks franchise can sink. I can not remember ever seeing a game where a team got doubled. It’s possible that in the days of the hand-check, the Pacers vs. Pistons, before the rule changes, that a team might have won a game 90-45, but that seems too far-fetched.
When the Knicks were down 82-41, I thought it could happen.
Obviously, when you are down by 41 points, it’s been a horrible night. The other team is having its way with you, and feel free to enjoy every possible double meaning of that phrase. But this is when the team that’s winning - a team who’s glaring weakness according to the never to be allowed to speak publicly again Quentin Richardson - has its superstars on the bench, looking like they already took showers and now they’re just hanging out.
The score became something close to 100-50. The Knicks were still getting double murdered, but that means the Celtics were up by 41 and then they went on a 18-9 run, or something close to that. I can’t dig through the stats to find out how accurate this is. It’s like examining a dead body with a leg that’s been broken with the bone sticking out and twisted out of place, and there’s blood everywhere, brains leaking out, a look of horror on the deceased’s face, perhaps they lost control of their bodily functions along the way. Delightful. Lovely.
Who were these Celtics that turned the laughable into the cryable to the laughably cryable? At first it was Big Baby, and Scalabrine. But they weren’t scrubby enough. Leon Powe! Gabe Pruitt! I think the Bill Simmons character from NBA Live got out there and scored 4 points, had a few steals.
But hey, Nate Robinson hit a buzzer beater three from halfcourt! It’s the NBA, buzzer beaters are great! If that particular buzzer beater were an NBA player, it would have been Nate. So the Knicks didn’t set a franchise low for points scored. Bravo.
The “Fire Isiah” heat is now hotter than ever. Guess what though? James Dolan does not care. He’ll fire Isiah when he feels like it, on his terms. The good news, and if I’m wrong about this, then oh my God there is no hope for humanity, but the Knicks have hit rock bottom. Is there a bottom lower than rock bottom? They would be there. Things can only get better.
Right?
Right?
52 Responses to “The NY Knicks: A place called annihilation, armageddon, cataclysm, catastrophe, decimation, devastation”
Nov.30 at 9:33 am
MoYooBuIuGuuPvEvNvIvS says:
more whining knicks b.s.
Nov.30 at 9:45 am
Logan says:
the celtics gangbanged the knicks tonight….
Nov.30 at 9:51 am
Ryan Jones says:
Cherry Chocolate Rain.
Nov.30 at 9:58 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
Just watched the Sportscenter top 10 plays, hoping that Nate’s three would make it. It did not. David Lee getting snuffed by KG did.
The Knicks need to hire Nick Saban to put this loss into proper perspective. If I had to compare it to a historical event, it would be the comet that killed off the dinosaurs, the beginning of the ice age, or perhaps the onset of the black plague.
Nov.30 at 10:01 am
Sesa says:
I’m burning my Knicks cap as off right now.
Nov.30 at 10:03 am
MoYooBuIuGuuPvEvNvIvS says:
with every day, i hate knicks fans more and more.
Nov.30 at 10:05 am
Sesa says:
Sam, at least it made on NBA.com top 10 plays.
Nov.30 at 10:05 am
Joel O's says:
At least Isiah didn’t feel slighted enough to sic his pit bull on someone.
Nov.30 at 10:07 am
Sesa says:
and I’m not a Knicks fan but I like the Knicks symbol on the cap. I still dunno why the burned cap had a strange smell.
Nov.30 at 10:08 am
Steve O says:
I think the most telling part of this game had to be when one of the few Knicks fans remaining took his jersey off and tossed it on the court in the middle of the game. Shambles.
Nov.30 at 10:12 am
white hot eboy says:
“Stay the course, we can not let the terrorists win”.
Nov.30 at 10:13 am
Andrew says:
there’s a rap song for everything in this world. sam, what’s the song for Knicks?
Nov.30 at 10:14 am
Keith says:
The only way this Knicks situation would get worse is if James Dolan actually admitted he is romantically involved with Isiah Thomas. I guess that would explain a lot too…
Nov.30 at 10:16 am
MoYooBuIuGuuPvEvNvIvS says:
isiah’s song is “smack my bitch up” by prodigy
Nov.30 at 10:17 am
Roger says:
The Bulls almost doubled the Jazz in the ‘98 Finals, the night Michael/Scottie/Ron sat on the bench laughing while Bill Frickin’ Wennington was out there torching Utah.
Nov.30 at 10:17 am
MoYooBuIuGuuPvEvNvIvS says:
and andrew, i know its not rap, but that is what came to mind.
Nov.30 at 10:42 am
Keith says:
MYBIG…where have you sprung from? Are you Stephon Marbury in disguise?
Nov.30 at 10:43 am
Keith says:
I hold my hands up to that…some of the worst grammar known to man.
Nov.30 at 10:45 am
BETCATS says:
nightmare on elm street?
Nov.30 at 10:49 am
white hot eboy says:
Keith, how about Tarzan in new form.
Nov.30 at 11:00 am
Johnny Kilroy says:
“If that particular buzzer beater were an NBA player, it would have been Nate” is an absolutly fantastic call
Nov.30 at 11:00 am
Keith says:
Eboy: “You know what I am not familiar with that name, I know a lot of names and I have a lot of names in my head, but I am not familiar with that name. Especially if there is nothing to talk about, I’m sorry I can’t recall that name.”
Nov.30 at 11:08 am
white hot eboy says:
Very tricky, Keith.
Nov.30 at 11:16 am
Dan says:
While I am not a Knicks fan, and far from bewildered by the new-look Celts, I watched the game last night. I thought it would be a good game, despite the fact that the Celts would, inevitably, win. I didn’t think it would be in blow-out fashion, but a win none the less. I thought with the talk from Q-Rich and the history of both storied franchises, that it would be interesting at the very least; but I too was in absolute shock and awe. And it wasn’t, in my eyes, the talent of Boston that won the game, but more the absolute passionless basketball that the Knicks are playing. I mean, Powe, Pruit, Davis? These are the guys that played minutes, with Garnett scoring less than 10 points, and Allen and Pierce scoring a relatively meager 21 points each. What a disappointment.
Nov.30 at 11:19 am
Khalid Salaam says:
the knicks got sodomized last night. buy isiah stays, he is the new teflon don. mr. untouchable. go ahead and brush your shoulders off….
Nov.30 at 11:23 am
James says:
*sigh*
Nov.30 at 11:26 am
Holly MacKenzie says:
teflon don. perfect fit but, why, why, why? I would love to be in Dolan’s head for only one moment. Actually I could pick his brain for days, I still don’t think I could get any closer to really understanding this mess.
Nov.30 at 11:29 am
Chris O says:
On an amateur level, that’s the kind of loss that makes you want to quit playing basketball. On the pro level, it should at least make you fire your coach and scrap your team.
Nov.30 at 11:32 am
Jared says:
i don’t even know why you guys bother watching…college basketball is on, watch for the freshmen, watch for the defense, watch for the passion…it’ll make you feel a whole lot better than watching the sh!tty knicks…Sam what’s the point of watching this team? It’s like watching a show that’s gotten really bad and hoping for it to get better with every episode, but it predictably gets worse every episode. The show won’t get better until they get new writers, which means dolan needs to step down and bring his boyfriend with him…cause neither one of them will be successful in orange and blue
Nov.30 at 11:35 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
I have thought about the rap song question. Here is my answer. It would have to have the beat and vibe of Biggie’s “Suicidal Thoughts” and the lyrics would be like if “Used to Love H.E.R.” were about the Knicks instead of Hip Hop and the girl used as the metaphor was much skankier.
KG was interviewed on the radio right after the game and said to paraphrase slightly “That’s not the Steph I know in Minnesota. He wouldn’t just give up and quit like that.” Ouch. By the way, not only was it a Steph-KG reunion, but Steph was traded for Ray Allen on draft day. “Good times.”
Nov.30 at 11:39 am
Holly MacKenzie says:
yeah post game on TNT Garnett said the same as well as saying “you’ don’t just come out and quit you’ve got to have a reason or someone makes you quit”.
Nov.30 at 11:47 am
annie says:
I loved it when that knicks fan took off his jersey and threw it onto the court. As a Knicks fan, I was happy to see the knicks by 50ish points because it’s a wake up call to F-king Fire Isiah already.
Nov.30 at 11:49 am
white hot eboy says:
By Monday.
Nov.30 at 11:55 am
Andrew says:
Thx sam, i feel the Knicks is down-er(i know there’s no such word but it fits here) than that.
Nov.30 at 11:58 am
albie1kenobi says:
i wonder if steph is doing his “closer to god” move. if he isn’t, he better do it.
Nov.30 at 12:02 pm
niQ says:
q-rich should eat his words..
Nov.30 at 12:05 pm
Jared says:
No, Fat boy should stop eating so maybe he could get his vert back that he had once upon a time. Ditto for his fat friend eddy, who apparently… does “eat ‘no’ sh!t” How is this still happening????
Nov.30 at 12:19 pm
Sesa says:
Jared, you forgot to mention the bricks of College Ball.
Nov.30 at 12:22 pm
albie1kenobi says:
eboy, that was an AWESOME quote. laugh out loud funny.
Nov.30 at 12:26 pm
Johnathan Ortiz says:
Do we get to keep our first round draft pick this year or does that belong to the Bulls as well?
Nov.30 at 12:36 pm
Jared says:
at least college ball players take good shots (for the most part), you better believe they rotate that ball to find an open shot or they find the bench. That’s real basketball, not this stupid, let me cross over as many people as i can and chuck up a shot jamal crawford palming selfish basketball that is the NBA…i’m a bitter knicks fan, sorry, but knicks aside, college ball is more enjoyable for me to watch than pro
Nov.30 at 1:05 pm
Myles Brown says:
Sam gets a +2 for using macabre.
Nov.30 at 1:45 pm
Ron says:
Remember the movie ‘Eddie’ when the owner tried to tank the Knicks season and move the franchise by hiring a fan to coach the team. The lucky fan turned out to be Whoopi Goldberg. Well I think Dolan should let life imitate art. The franchise can be no worse with a fan as coach than it is now.
Nov.30 at 2:06 pm
d.Y. says:
I would love to see Whoopi coach the Knicks, or even Chris Rock. As for a rap line, from Naughty by Nature’s joint Ghetto Bastard, “How will I do it? How will I make it? I wont. That’s how”… or outside of rap, Michael Jackson in The Wiz “You can’t win, you can’t break even, and you can’t get out of the game.”
Nov.30 at 2:08 pm
Jared says:
wasn’t the subplot in Eddie to move the knicks though? Move the knicks outta NY? the way this team opperates i wouldnt be surprised…but you must be out your muthaf*ckin mind if you think NY will lose the Knicks
Nov.30 at 2:08 pm
Tenorca says:
Poor Knickfans. For a while, I was laughing at you. I mean, I’m a Warriors fan. I did this for nearly a decade, and that’s only because I got on the failure train a few years late. But damn: this is just sad, passionless, bitchball. In related news, I added Gabe Pruitt to my fantasy team.
Nov.30 at 5:50 pm
what says:
The Knicks make me feel thankful to be a Hawks fan.
Nov.30 at 5:55 pm
bonwater Brian says:
Starbury is the best point guard in the NBA, maybe top 3 all time. He is a shoe in for the hall of fame. His winning attitude and team first style of play is why he has always been a winner wherever he has played. Its not fair to hate on Starbury, he is the only one on the Knicks that doesn’t suck. If the Knicks had 12 Starburys on their roster they would be the greatest team of all time.
Nov.30 at 6:56 pm
Mike says:
They should bring back Allan Houston and let him shoot from his wheel chair…..
Dec.1 at 4:39 am
Tariq says:
Come on, the Knicks anthem has GOT to be Skee-Lo: “I wish I was a little bit taller/ I wish I was a baller….”
Jul.11 at 9:15 am
at says:
bitch
Jul.12 at 12:37 am
SLAM ONLINE | » Paul Pierce Tells Knicks to Get Rid of Marbury says:
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