Mets. Wow do I hate being a sports fan.
I don’t want to write about ‘em. You don’t want to read about ‘em. I wish this wasn’t happening
I want to start this off with a pre-emptive thanks to whoever’s car alarm that was at 5 A.M. It was like the Tarzan Cooper comment version of car alarms. But instead of the letter “Z”, loud honks. Rubenstein is in a bad place right now. If this were on video, it would look like a cross between Milton Bradley and that Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy. But angrier.
The Mets now have a one game lead for first place. Technically, they haven’t totally blown it and thrown their season down the toilet, flushed, waited a moment and flushed again to be sure. Whatever. They are POSTMORTEM!
MY SINFUL GLARE AT NOTHING HOLDS THOUGHTS OF DEATH BEHIND IT! SKELETONS IN MY MIND COMMENCE TEARING AT MY SANITY! VESSELS IN MY BRAIN CARRY DEATH UNTIL MY BIRTH! COME AND DIE WITH ME FOREVER SHARE INSANITY!
DO YOU WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!
Yes it’s been that kind of run. I didn’t watch many Mets games over the summer. I don’t watch much T.V. when the weather is nice. There are better things to do, and with all the time I spend staring at computer screens, I get concerned for the health of my eyeballs. So, no I have not been a superfan clinging to every pitch. I assumed I’d have plenty of time for that once they got to the playoffs. I was looking forward to some fun nights watching the do or die intensity of playoff games with my friends at assorted viewing get togethers and bars. The communal joy of being a sports fan. That’s what it’s all about to me. I really didn’t expect to find myself worrying about the Mets trying to beat some lowly quasi-expansion team.
As Khalid said yesterday, all the sports coverage over the summer is off the field stuff. This is on the field and it suxxxxxxxxxxx. Do you enjoy my suffering? Does it make you feel better about yourself in a “At least I’m not him” kind of way? Is what I call misery what you would call entertainment? Well I don’t martyr myself. This is BS! I want to be happy. I would rather be quiet and content than all pissed off and fired up.
Say what you will about Bill Simmons, but he made the 2004 baseball Playoffs for me. You could feel the pain as the Sox went down 3-0. Now it is my team that provides the pain that fuels my fire. Not the sport I am supposed to be writing about, but I can’t fake like it’s not on my mind. Do I write a lengthy emotional post about it, documenting every little thought I have about who is to blame and why and what I’d do to them if I could? No. I keep it inside. This is a burning, smoldering hatred, the earth’s most precious resource. More vital than oil. You want to go to war to try and take it from me? That’s your life your ending, the way I feel right now. Do not speak to me today unless spoken too.
Hey my team is participating in one of the all-time collapses. Fabulous.
WILLIE! BILLY! BULLPEN jerk A, B, and C! You are all DEAD TO ME!!!!!!!!
DEAD!!!!
TO!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wondering where I was when watching last night? Well, I first turned the game on and it was 5-0 Mets. Yaaaaaaaaaay. Don’t mean to give myself too much credit here as a jinx but that means I saw the Mets lose 9-1. Every time I call a game the worst loss of the year, the next one somehow manages to be worse. Much worse. Last night was the most painful loss of the year, replacing the night before that, replacing last Thursday against Florida.
Okay, do your worst tonight, Mets. Do your worst, Baseball Gods. Really excited to go to work and face the two headed monster of Lang and Khalid. Ben is a much nicer person. Susan finds comedy in my angst. We have a staff meeting this afternoon so I’ll be trapped in the SLAM Dome with them, no escape. You know how Isiah said Anucha had “Daggers in her eyes?” Well, I’ve got two bloody swords in mine MFers. DON’T PUSH ME.
I am going to the gym to get some aggression out. I have A LOT of it.
52 Responses to “Mets. Wow do I hate being a sports fan.”
Sep.27 at 8:32 am
white hot eboy says:
Damn, if the SLAM Dome had a self-contanied Fight Club, Sam would be whippin’ motherfuc*er’s asses today. Stay strong, Hebrew Hammer.
Sep.27 at 8:35 am
sdfigits says:
nice slayer reference, oh and First!
Sep.27 at 8:36 am
sdfigits says:
at least you’re not a tigers fan, so please. At least you’re in the playoffs….hopefully…with some luck….
Sep.27 at 8:50 am
Jordi Scrubbings says:
Well said. Sam, I feel your pain. I blame Moises Alou. During his little hit-streak, the Mets suck. Don’t be so selfish Moises. It was so much easier when the Mets sucked. That’s why I’ve been rooting for the Devil Rays lately. If they lose, big deal. They are supposed to. Life hurts more when you expect the difficult.
Sep.27 at 8:52 am
Paul says:
Don’t hurt yourself Sam…btw saw the heroes ep and that was some garbage. Just looking forward to “Darjeeling Limited” this weekend.
Sep.27 at 8:53 am
Bryan says:
I almost went to a mets game last time I was in the city , I wish I had so I could scream obscenities at all of them.I can’t get excited about sports anymore all my teams suck.The Jets QB can’t throw the ball more than 12 yards and we traded Santana Moss who can catch a screen pass and turn it into a touchdown for Laveranues Coles whose yards per catch looks good if were actually a yards per carry total and all season I’ve been bragging on the Mets and when I wasn’t bragging I was making excuses for them saying they’ll get it together and it just keeps getting worse.What do you I have to look forward to?! Basketball season is gonna blow like usual, at least we may have Allan Houston back it wouldn’t be the same old Knicks losing season without his complete lack of concern about winning or losing.UGH what a f*cking year.
Sep.27 at 8:53 am
Paul says:
and…Damn Eboy is at it EARLY…
Sep.27 at 8:55 am
white hot eboy says:
Sorry, Paul. I had an early office meeting and I’m “heated” right about now, too.
Sep.27 at 9:16 am
Paul says:
I’m up at 5 in the morning eboy(Westcoast!). Working on a goddamn paper. I feel both you and Sam. No RJ.
Sep.27 at 9:17 am
white hot eboy says:
Paul, papers suck. Period.
Sep.27 at 9:22 am
Hisham says:
haha hebrew hammer.. that was a funny movie ven though i don’t remember any of it.. just that i was laughing all the time. must’ve been those heinekens and homegrowns
Sep.27 at 9:22 am
Hisham says:
oh, and baseball-posts suck! i can’t relate to any of this crap.. sorry Sam
Sep.27 at 9:25 am
white hot eboy says:
Hisham, if Sam published a “build-your-own-windmill” post, would that apease you? Actually, you probably have all the motions down pat, so that might be wasted on the rest of us.
Sep.27 at 9:31 am
Hisham says:
what are you, stupid? of course i already now every detail on how to build a windmill. What would really appease me is an invitation to teach you dudes how to do it..
Sep.27 at 9:33 am
Hisham says:
we can even roll joints that look like windmills. Tulips also
Sep.27 at 9:34 am
white hot eboy says:
The great thing about America is that we don’t need windmills to power our homes and offices, or to cultivate our water supply .So there’s really no need.
Sep.27 at 9:35 am
white hot eboy says:
I’d be more impressed if you could roll one to look like a clog.
Sep.27 at 9:38 am
Lang Whitaker says:
@Paul: I’m with you on Darjeeling Limited.
Sep.27 at 9:54 am
Hisham says:
that would be more like a bong, eboy. good idea though! hey, and we don’t need ‘em either mister.. it’s just that we appreciate blue skies and water with fish and litle ducks in it and stuff. (i actually work at an energy company, so i have to admit that we’re pretty hypocritical about the environment though). at least americans are honest about it, you guys just don’t give a f*ck about being accountable for a third of the worlds pollution
Sep.27 at 9:57 am
white hot eboy says:
Yeah, f*ck the world, give me POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIGH VOLTAGE, THUNDERSTRUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I just heard AC/DC on my Sirius radio.
Sep.27 at 9:57 am
KG says:
white hot eboy= life is for living, not for blogging on other peoples blogs.
Sep.27 at 9:58 am
Hisham says:
come to think of it, that’s hardly a good thing, let alone a “great thing”.
Sep.27 at 9:59 am
Jake Appleman says:
Pray to Doris from Rego Park.
Sep.27 at 10:14 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
whoa Jake. The only silver lining in this whole thing is that Doris didn’t live to see it.
Back from gym. Feeling a little less violent. A little.
As for the Hebrew Hammer comments, the guy that gave Billy the final death blow was named CHURCH. Ow that hurts.
Sep.27 at 10:21 am
Hisham says:
Hey don’t worry about it, Sam.. you guys have been around since before “church”, and will probably be around until way after
Sep.27 at 10:23 am
Bryan says:
Has a “championship” caliber team ever had worse pitching?
Sep.27 at 10:25 am
white hot eboy says:
Hisham, let’s not start THAT conversation here. They’ll be 300 comments degragading Jesus, GOD, Budda & Allah. Let’s just leave it alone.
Sep.27 at 10:30 am
Hisham says:
damn,i felt like stirring up some sh!t.. but your mature presence convinced me to give it a rest
Sep.27 at 10:33 am
white hot eboy says:
H, you’re welcome. You’ll thank me at a later time. Believe me.
Sep.27 at 10:36 am
Ron says:
Sam, here’s some baseball superstition for you. Remember the Mets fan who the 756 ball? Since then the Mets are 24-23. prior to that they had a winnng pct of .570. However since starting the season at 3-9, the Phillies have been 20 games over .500 at 83-63. I am officially a baseball geek. It took an hour of research for me to post this comment. But since the Phillies playoff hopes were dashed by the Mets and Billy Wagner last year. I can’t help but revel in the Mets demise this year.
Sep.27 at 10:41 am
Steve O says:
Sam, as Red Sox fan I was trapped in the same glass case of emotion about a week ago when it looked like the Sox were going to blow it tough. I almost drove to Fenway to personally strangle Francona anytime Gagne got off the bench. Hopefully the Nats will punish the Phillies like they did to the Mets.
Sep.27 at 10:41 am
Khalid Salaam says:
The Mets are girls. Not even hot ones either. Ugly busted chicks that nobody wants. To like the Mets is to like ugly girls.
Sep.27 at 10:41 am
Steve O says:
And your faith will once again be restored.
Sep.27 at 10:47 am
Toney Blare says:
Rubenstein is in a bad place right now.
Sep.27 at 10:51 am
Ryan Jones says:
To follow Khalid’s logic, does that mean Isiah likes the Mets?
Sep.27 at 11:19 am
jbn74sb says:
Steph too, Ryan.
Sep.27 at 11:40 am
Bryan says:
The knicks are a mess I’m ashamed to be a fan of the knicks and mets today..
Sep.27 at 11:41 am
Bryan says:
My myspace is a knicks backround and I almost considered changing it but if my friends can have florida state backrounds and be proud to be fans of those p*ssies then I can have my knicks backround.
Sep.27 at 11:52 am
Jordi Scrubbings says:
Ouch, but what if I like the Mets, Knicks, and Florida State? I guess I am glutton for punishment. One team can’t win, the other is a bastion of front office disorganization, and the third cheats on tests.
Sep.27 at 12:05 pm
Bryan says:
Florida state is terrible I have this argument with my friends all the time , it’s another reason I favor Santana Moss over Coles.
Sep.27 at 12:15 pm
mdshuai says:
If it helps, I’m a white sox fan. There’s nothing like seeing a team go from the best team in baseball, with the best starting rotation and just playing sweet ball, to taking a ginat crap on everyone’s face who even tries to watch them play. It is seriously painful. Oh yeah…and I’m a blazers fan. But we’re gonna be awesome in 2009!
Sep.27 at 12:17 pm
Myles Brown says:
Feel better Sam. Go Cubs! Hi Bodie.
Sep.27 at 12:58 pm
Russ Bengtson says:
Start a separate Mets blog, dude.
Sep.27 at 1:07 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
no time for free blogging on side. Hoped to enjoy Mets strictly as fan. Not enjoying.
Sep.27 at 1:53 pm
thesubwayconnection says:
Sam, I feel you. I’m embarrassed to wear my Mets gear around town right now.
Sep.27 at 2:00 pm
Dennard says:
Ha, another EPIC post by Mr. Rubenstein. It’s gonna be alright Sam there still time to turn it around.
Sep.27 at 2:18 pm
Johnny Kilroy says:
Billy Wagner couldn’t close a drunken freshmen
Sep.27 at 8:37 pm
Tariq says:
I couldn’t care less about baseball.. Apparently the Mets are not good at baseball. I would have thought, however, that Sam’s agony would have been tempered by the Giants’s impressive, dramatic victory over the Redskins. Eli Manning looked above-mediocre, and the defense was great. Oh well. I guess Sam is a glass-half-empty kinda fella. Go Yankees (or something))
Sep.27 at 11:54 pm
O says:
That Khalid statement was mad funny. Truth be told, i was going through the Samuel emotions in the summer. While you were out enjoying the nice weather i was at home watching the Yankees fall 14 games behind the Sawx (Khalid’s favorite team). Now, i am glad that the Yanks made it, but i doubt they’ll take it all. So that’s more pain for me. I hope the Mets make it cause i do like them dudes, just not as much as i love the Yankees. And it ain’t Willie’s fault. It’s that bum ass bullpen.
Sep.28 at 12:30 am
Ben Osborne says:
I love when Sam writes about baseball on the site. Not as much as when he writes about basketball, but a close second. And while probably no one cares, I am a Dodger fan and that is a team that QUIT with 2 weeks left in the season, turning a first-place payroll into a 4th-place team. No one notices in New York, but the Dodger season has been AWFUL. Therefore, my sympathy for Sam is muted.
Sep.28 at 6:39 am
dogman says:
it is in times like these that you MUST read
or listen to bart giamatti’s “the greenfields of the mind”. google it for solace.
Oct.5 at 1:53 pm
SLAM ONLINE | » Los Angeles Lakers Season Preview says:
[…] I’m not going to get bent out of shape when my squad plays in games they should win, but fall painfully short. I don’t have it in me to pen hateful missives when the guys start crapping the bed; we already have someone around here who does that sort of thing, and does it well. […]