Links: Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death
Or, horribly, both in the same day…
I’ve had a pretty epic past 24 hours. As Ahmad Rashad would say, Reee-wind!
• Was up half the night Sunday night finishing my book proposal. I mentioned it in passing last week and I’m still not allowed to talk fully about it yet. I can tell you that it’s not a book about basketball, though it is about sports. I came up with the idea a few months ago and my literary agent and I have been honing it and (hopefully) improving it for a while now. My job was to take all the thoughts and ideas I’ve had about this topic and organize them into an interesting 50-page proposal, which was kind of like wrestling a bear into submission.
I finally finished really late Sunday night. When I hit the send button on the email to my agent, I stood and raised my arms like Rocky, even though I was all alone in front of the TV. I felt like I’d given birth or passed a stone. Felt great.
Now we keep grinding the proposal down and making it better and then my wonderful agent tries to get someone to buy it. If she can’t make it happen, I’m firing her and hiring David Falk.
• This morning I had to be at the New York Supreme Court at 8:45 a.m. for jury duty. I’ve never had jury duty before, even though they tried to rope me in a few months ago. I’ve spent the last six months successfully repeatedly postponing my jury duties, but I was finally out of free passes — this time I had to go. The thing was, if I could make it through two days without getting on a jury, I’d be off the hook for the next six years. So that was my goal, my plan.
I showed up, filled out a juror questionnaire and started reading the book I’d brought along. Not five minutes later they started calling out the names of the first batch of jurors that had been selected, and I was included. Crap. Thirty of us were escorted into a back room. I was juror number 24, so I immediately started asking to be traded, then rescinding my demand.
The two lawyers in the case came in and greeted us and briefed us on the case. I’m not sure what I’m allowed to say about it, so I’ll try to keep it vague, but it was basically a plaintiff suing a business. The plaintiff had allegedly been injured while they were at the business. The plaintiff’s lawyer was immediately referring to the plaintiff by their first name, I assume trying to humanize the client. The plaintiff’s lawyer spent about two hours going around the room and interviewing each of us. There was a construction worker, a college professor, a lawyer, a TV producer, a photographer — a pretty cool cross-section of New York.
I was the only writer in the room. The lawyer asked me if I’d ever written about an athlete who’d been injured or was trying to recover from an injury. Pretty much every day, I told them. The lawyer didn’t ask me anything too difficult, mostly yes or no questions, until the end when he asked if I was able to be impartial. I told them that that’s what journalism is about, listening to two sides of a story and then trying to find the truth, regardless of how I personally feel about it. Of course, I haven’t really done much journalism since I started at SLAM seven years ago, but I didn’t go into that.
We broke for lunch then reconvened around 2:00 p.m. This time it was the defense lawyer’s turn. He kept it brief, just making a few general comments and then asking a couple of questions to specific people (nothing for me). The lawyers then left for about half an hour and returned to tell us who they’d selected. And it wasn’t me.
The actual jurors left with the lawyers, and a few minutes later a court clerk came in and dismissed us for good. So, I served my time. If I have to do that once every six years, I think I can live with it.
• Left the courthouse and swung by the SLAM Dome to check in on the new-and-improved SLAMonline. We’re still tweaking it and trying to figure out how it should all work together. I do know that Marcel killed it today straight out of the box. With Marcel linking to everything going down and the rest of us chiming in around the edges, SLAMonline’s going to be fierce this season. I know there’s apparently some issues with the fonts, specifically with the comments, but we’ll get that ironed out this week. Anyway, I’m excited about what’s ahead with the site.
• (Now comes the part I don’t really want to write about, but I feel as though I probably should. I’ve shared way too much personal information here the last seven years, and while I know you guys probably don’t care, I’m hoping at least some of you guys will relate or maybe I’ll accidentally say something that will resonate with someone out there.)
As I was leaving the office, my Mom called me on my Sidekick, and before I even answered the call I had a bad feeling. I was right. My Grandmother had just died. She was 100 years old.
I called her Nana. She was my father’s mother. I never met my father’s father — he died before I was born — but I grew up around Nana. My other grandparents lived in Alabama, but Nana lived in Atlanta, so I saw her pretty regularly. Even though she was already older when I was a kid, she used to have me over to her condo to go swimming in the pool or spend a night occasionally. We didn’t have anything in common, really, other than that we were related. She didn’t like sports or hip-hop or writing, so when we talked it was mostly about her life. But she was sick a lot, in and out of hospitals and nursing homes and hospices. She’d get really sick, to the point where we thought the end was near, and then she’d make incredible recoveries and be fine for years and years.
A few years ago, when she was in her 90s, she moved into a retirement home. She made friends, got active, even started “jogging” every day. (When I pressed her on her “jogging,” it turned out she was just going outside for walks each day. I guess she thought “jogging” sounded better. Either way, it was impressive considering she was about 95 years old.)
My sister and I talked about this earlier tonight, but we both kind of wish Nana had been a little more coherent later in her life, because we would have loved to have heard more about the world she lived through. Just thinking about someone living through The Great Depression and World Wars and all that stuff is amazing to me. As strange as this world is now, imagine a world without cars or TV or everything we take for granted today.
But we didn’t get to hear those stories. As she aged, she forgot more and more, and the last few months she could barely talk. The last time I saw her was maybe two months ago, the last time I was in Atlanta. She asked me to take her into her living room, so I wheeled her in there and set her down and just started talking to her. I don’t remember what I said, but I just wanted to keep talking to fill the silence in the room. An hour later, she again asked me to take her to the living room. Which is where we already were.
She didn’t react to anything I said all day, until I got up to leave and she reached out and motioned that she wanted to give me a hug and a kiss.
For the last decade or so, I’ve been down to two grandparents: Nana, my father’s mother, and Paw Paw, my mother’s father. I’ve always been pretty close to Paw Paw, moreso than I was with Nana, and I never really felt strange about that. He is a sports fan and he still loves to talk sports, and he was also healthy enough the last few years to come to New York and visit me once. I don’t wear any jewelry, except for my grandfather’s dog tags from World War II, because I like the thought of having him close to me.
Now my grandmother is gone. And I’ll never have another opportunity to visit with her or have her close to me again. I guess my point in all of this is to encourage you guys to take the time to remind all the loved ones in your life that you love them. Make a call, send an email, whatever. It won’t take long and it will mean a lot.
Because you never know when that option will be gone forever.
62 Responses to “Links: Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death”
Jul.10 at 1:34 am
Greased Up Deaf Guy aka Clay Davis says:
for one day youre here baby, and then youre gone—-ronnie spencer&ugk, one day
Jul.10 at 1:34 am
the junior says:
ur exactly right…im only 15 but i still know what ur talking about.lost my step-grandma last summer. even though she was my step-grandma she treated me just like i was blood. treated me too actually. never really showed i appreciated her. too late now. bout to use a cliche; u really dont ever realize what u have until its gone
Jul.10 at 1:35 am
the junior says:
oh and if dp says “play wit it” i’ll give him something to play with
Jul.10 at 1:37 am
Greased Up Deaf Guy aka Clay Davis says:
ashes to ashes and dust to dust, i hope you hear me now, in god we trust.—treach
Jul.10 at 1:38 am
Greased Up Deaf Guy aka Clay Davis says:
you gotta walk and dont look back—– peter tosh and mick jagger
Jul.10 at 1:40 am
Greased Up Deaf Guy aka Clay Davis says:
if i ever actually have to go to jury duty(ive successfully avoided it multiple times) i will wear an executioners outfit and recommend that everyone get the chair
Jul.10 at 1:45 am
Russ Bengtson says:
Sorry to hear about your loss, Lang. I’ve been out of grandparents for nearly a decade now—both my dad’s parents died before I was born, and my grandfather on my mom’s side died when I was six. Appreciate the time you have with them for sure. On another note, apparently Antoine Walker got robbed at gunpoint—in his own house—today. Good times all around.
Jul.10 at 1:53 am
Colin says:
My condolences Lang. Losing someone you care about is probably the worst thing that happens to us. In some ways it is tougher on those left behind. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Jul.10 at 1:54 am
s.dot says:
my condolences lang
i hope everybody in your life is doing fine
be safe and take care
Jul.10 at 3:01 am
Joel O's says:
My prayers and thoughts go to your family, Lang. I don’t know what else to say, but… take care and God bless.
Jul.10 at 4:05 am
Mehmet says:
I am sorry for your loss. Our grandparents are among the coolest people we get to know, but we hardly ever realize this until they are gone. In a culture that is becoming more and more insensible toward older people, we need to hear things that encourage us to strengthen our ties with them. We need to realize that we can greatly benefit from their experiences and make them feel that they are valuable to our society. So, Lang, thank you for this article.
Jul.10 at 4:20 am
anf says:
Reminds me of my grandma, she’s 99 year old now, can barely walk and is forgetful. Although I visit her every week, there isnt a lot of things that I can talk to her (she’s always sleepy, lying one her bed taking naps) Thanks for reminding me that I should talk to her more often while I still got the chance. My condolences Lang.
Jul.10 at 5:28 am
SL says:
lang — my condolences. may she rest in peace.
Jul.10 at 5:30 am
Tariq says:
The fact that everyone I love will be dead one day, including the person I love most (me) is always in the back of mind. Actually, the fact that I myself will die is oddly comforting. Now you’ve got me wondering why they call them the “quick” and the dead.
Jul.10 at 6:10 am
Drolfe says:
Very sorry to hear Lang. Weird sort of coincidence: I visted my Nan yesterday, who is 92, on my own for the first time. I’m 23 and have always visted her with another family member. Pretty bad on my part, but I’m going to make it a weekly thing from now on. I know what you mean though, it’s truely amazing when you think about this person being alive through so many different aspects of history. My Nan is kinda reluctant to talk about it, because I think she think she bores people, but with a little prodding you get some amazing stories.
Jul.10 at 6:21 am
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
I’m sorry about your loss, Lang. Know what you mean; I’ve also been out of grandparents for over a decade now, and down to one parent for the better part of it. The last time I saw my grandma, I went with my first long-time girlfriend, but grandma didn’t even recognize me, she was so ravaged by clinical dementia by then. 100 years is a great long time, however, and something to be thankful for even at this moment.
Jul.10 at 7:02 am
Eoin says:
Sorry for your loss, Lang.
Jul.10 at 8:10 am
FLUD says:
Heart goes out to ya Lang. After my gran passed on we discovered that she’d shaved a few years off her age!! Sly as a fox. I was mugged pretty bad the night before her funeral. They even took my pocket rubbish. Did manage to smash a dudes head into a wall though. ID’d him and he’s in jail. Although there’s no one-way glass over here. standin’ in the same room is kinda nervy.
Jul.10 at 8:25 am
Ryan Jones says:
Sorry to hear, man.
Jul.10 at 8:34 am
white hot eboy says:
Lang, keep your head up and there’s plenty of people in this world who could only wish that parents/grandparents had a long, fruitful life like your Grandma. 100 years, damn, God bless her and we pray for her. And wow, Greg Oden’s half that age already. (just keepin’ it light for a second)
Jul.10 at 9:30 am
Jeronimo says:
Sorry about your loss, Lang. God bless her, and thanks for posting this.
Jul.10 at 9:40 am
H to the izzo says:
Flud:Thats a real coincidence because the night my grandfather died I was mugged too,it had happened before but that night I was so cut up about him dying(he was in his early sixties and died suddenly)I pretty stupidly tried to fight back,after they had taken my money and chain I ran after them and managed to catch one of them,I dragged his ass down to the police station and he was arressted.I like to think I channelled my grandfather that night because he was a no sh*t army man and I’m not at all like that and was not something I would do.And as you know FLud getting the police to do anything for something like that in this country is pretty hard.Just appreciate the time you have and don’t let petty sh*t get in the way.
Jul.10 at 10:24 am
GCM says:
sorry to hear that Lang…
Jul.10 at 10:54 am
$imon says:
sorry to hear about your loss Lang. As our grandparents get older its the little things that mean the most, like your Nana asking for a hug and a kiss before you left. My grandma had a stroke a few years ago and never really regained her speech, but just seeing her smile warms my heart. I’ve also lost both grandfathers so i know you’re going through some sad and tough times. Keep you’re head up and remember to celebrate the life she lived. Much love, bro, to you and you’re family
Jul.10 at 11:00 am
ktokyo says:
sorry to hear about your loss, Lang. I’ve recently lost my last grandparent and know your feeling…
Jul.10 at 11:00 am
FLUD says:
H to the izzo…let’s channel our ‘Ol folks lookin’ out for us’ Justice-power over to Langers.
Man..Tough enough losing someone, then havin’ to deal with fools?!!… Zen..like Phil’s beard.
Jul.10 at 11:10 am
pete says:
sorry to hear about your loss. my great grandma is 93 and is still in pretty good health considering, she sounds a lot like your grandmother. anyway stay up.
Jul.10 at 11:36 am
Slick Nick Da Ruler says:
Siento mucho Lang
Jul.10 at 12:03 pm
Tommy Patron says:
Lang-I am sorry to hear of the loss, human brother.
Jul.10 at 12:14 pm
The Brooklyn Boy says:
Sorry for the loss, Lang. I’ve still got both grandmas, but I lost my Grandfather two years ago, and miss his crazy, half-true stories every day. I fueled that into a spoken word piece that allows me to share at least one of them. Mourn the loss by cherishing the memories.
Jul.10 at 12:15 pm
Co Co says:
Sorry to hear that Lang.
Jul.10 at 12:20 pm
Dean (not the first guy) says:
My thoughts and prayers are with your family, may you have the strngth to get through this. Try to learn as much as you can about your Nana, from those that knew her. My Condolences.
Jul.10 at 12:27 pm
Andy says:
Lang, my condolences to you and your family.
Jul.10 at 12:27 pm
Jim says:
Hey Lang, sorry to hear about your grandmother. I recently lost mine as well and I know exactly how you feel. There was so much I wanted to learn about her experiences coming out to the US. Take care and good luck. My condolences.
Jul.10 at 12:39 pm
Toney Blare says:
Keep your head up, man. Best to you and your fam. And that lit agent.
Jul.10 at 1:02 pm
Detroit11 says:
Lang, sorry for your loss, but much thanks for the inspiring words. It reminds me that I need to call my grandfather and cherish the little time I may have left w/ him. Oh, and best of luck w/ the book deal.
Jul.10 at 1:43 pm
Dave says:
Condolences
Jul.10 at 2:31 pm
Santo D'Agostino says:
Sorry to hear about your grandmother, Lang. You wrote a beautiful piece about her. Very thoughtful, and gets me thinking about my own aging mother. All the best,
Santo
Jul.10 at 2:59 pm
Dennard says:
Lang, sorry for you loss. I wish the best for you and your fam.
Jul.10 at 3:15 pm
Dizzle says:
Sorry to hear what happened Lang. I know the feeling of losing a close relative and how hard it can be. It’s tough, regardless if you were close or have never met the person, losing someone in your family is always hard because the family circle has become a bit smaller. Keep your head up and just remember the good times. Best wishes to you and your Fam.
Jul.10 at 3:19 pm
Jack says:
Sorry for your loss, Lang. But man, I laughed out loud at the Juror 24 trade demand thing…
Jul.10 at 3:24 pm
The Allrights says:
Peace to you and your family, Lang. I just lost my Pop recently, so I understand loss. thanks for sharing. Pick up the phone, fellas.
Jul.10 at 3:49 pm
dez says:
Sorry Lang, its crazy how fast time flies
Jul.10 at 3:52 pm
Young Chris #3 says:
Yo Lang, I definitely can relate to you here and it really was touching reading about your Nana as it brought me back to a few years ago when my great-grandmother, “Ita” (which generally means “little” or “the little one” in Spanish)passed away at the age of 103. She, too, spent the last years of her life in a retirement/nursing home and it was tough for me having her live there moreso than it was for her (it actually was great for her as she was always around people and made a lot of friends and she seemed happy to be there rather than in her lonely house that had me, my aunt, and one of my cousins spending specific nights of the week with her after my brother got engaged and moved from her house - he had been staying with her after my grandmother, her daughter, passed in 1999). What you said about learning more about the world she lived in, it truly is amazing, not just hearing about a world so different from what we know now, but seeing how much things have changed for them. I was actually joking about this with my mom this weekend when I was at her house, how Ita would always play scratch tickets and when she’s win 20 dollars, and ultimately give it to me or one of her other great-grandchildren, she would do it thinking she was making our lives so much easier because years ago, that amount of money had some worth to it. She was born in Panama and moved her, living as an Au-Pair for years, until my grandmother moved here and got married and had her move in with her new family. So while she never really had much knowledge to drop about the way America was, she definitely had a lot of pride for this country and of course had an undying love for her native country. Life is hard sometimes, but hang in there Lang. It is apparent that even if this Slamonline community is just that (an online community), from reading the comments for this post, you’ve got complete strangers pulling for you, so I know your family and friends will be there as well. Also, I look forward to reading more about your journey to get published and hope that works out for you. I am going into my senior year of college and am an aspiring writer, and for the past few months I have been looking into internships and working on my short stories and novels I’m trying to write. So best of luck to you there.
Jul.10 at 4:19 pm
Shotcaller21 says:
My condolences Lang, I am sorry for your loss.
Jul.10 at 4:35 pm
Cheryl says:
My condolences to you and your fam, Lang. This past Sunday, I had my great-Aunt over for dinner. she’s 99 years old and still going strong. she loves reggae music and I cooked curry chicken. man, can she eat! she lives there in harlem, in a brownstone she bought in the ’50s. she refuses to sell. i know what you mean about hearing the stories, cuz folks that age, if they still have their faculties, can really put life in perspective for you. she’s planning her own 100th birthday party in NYC next year, and I will certainly be there. I appreciate, in your sadness, you reminding me of how important Auntie Elyse is to me.
Jul.10 at 4:42 pm
steve says:
It was nice to read about your grandmother, Lang. With her genes in you, I’m happy to know I’ll be reading you until you’re 120, still busting on Kobe, I hope.
Jul.10 at 6:23 pm
P. says:
My condolences, Lang. I’m sure you hear this all the time, but you’re writing has meant a great deal to me over the past six or seven years that I have been reading The Links. Your account of the 9/11 attacks was most real piece of literature I have ever read. Living in Canada on the west coast, you were my personal window into the effects of 9/11. As strange as it sounds, I feel that after reading your column/blog basically from the start, I think of you as a friend. And equally as strange, when something bad happens to you or your family, I feel some of that pain too. I know this may seem meaningless at a time like this, but I think that you’re writing really hits home with a lot of people and that is really special. Whether it is your post on what it means to be a true fan, a story from your high school playing days or simply daily reports of the Slam Office softball team from back in the day, it is extremely real and amazingly easy to relate to. I’m extremely sorry for your loss.
Jul.10 at 6:23 pm
KILLAGORILLA says:
Hey Lang, sorry for your loss. Stay up homie.
Jul.10 at 7:42 pm
William says:
Sorry for your loss Lang. Keep your head up and God bless
Jul.10 at 8:03 pm
Basketball Carriere says:
Sorry about your loss Lang
Jul.10 at 11:31 pm
Boing Dynasty says:
Stay up.
Jul.11 at 5:09 am
Jonathan says:
Lang, sorry for your loss. my only remaining grandparent is my mother’s mother, she is 94 and really starting to go down hill mentally so i can appreciate what it was like visiting your grandmother the last few years. keep your head up. and dont ever feel its a bad thing to be personal in your posts. i have been a reader since the days before the links were even daily and your ability to bring human emotion to your posts through your own experiences is what really set you appart from all the other writers. keep up the good work.
J
Jul.11 at 12:36 pm
AJ$ says:
yo lang my great grandma is 100 & i call her nana 2 so i fell u (xcept she aint died…YET)
Jul.11 at 12:37 pm
AJ$ says:
anyway i feel bad 4 u homy
Jul.11 at 5:00 pm
Sara says:
You are a very special man, even when you write about basketball or any other sport (I know nothing about any of them)you do “bring human emotion” that make your writings so very personal and special. Beautifully written piece about your Nana. Death leaves a void that stays around forever. Thank you for sharing your grief with your readers, family and friends.
Jul.12 at 12:08 am
Gerwin says:
Sorry to hear that Lang. Take care.
Jul.12 at 8:56 am
B Man says:
My condolences, sorry to hear of your loss.
Jul.12 at 9:31 pm
Joe says:
Just catching up now, and wanted to wish my condolences.
It is incredible to me that even though someone like your Nana or grandmother can’t remember 90% of what is going on around them or what had happened in the past they still maintain a little recognition as shown by the hug and kiss. Don’t take that for granted, its powerful how it works.
Jul.13 at 6:45 pm
J.B says:
man…i wish my grandma will once be that old.
Jul.13 at 6:51 pm
Claire says:
Thanks Lang for sharing that about Nana. (Lang’s sister here) She was a fighter! I’ll miss her a lot. Thanks to your readers for all your condolences!
Jan.7 at 4:27 pm
SLAM ONLINE | » Links: The SLAM Caucuses says:
[…] I have never voted in a U.S. Presidential election. It’s my right, I understand, and as a member of this democracy we call the United States, I have the choice of selecting whichever person I feel best represents my social views to represent me, should they become President. The reason I never voted before was because I was trying to stay under the radar and not get jury duty. Ignorant? Perhaps. Selfish? Definitely. But that all changed in 2007. The judicial process found me, so in 2008, I’m jumping in with both feet. And since Stephon Marbury isn’t running for President (YET!), I’ve been doing a little research into the various candidates. […]