Movie Review: 300
Omar on the latest Frank Miller graphic novel turned movie
By Omar Mazariego
Aight, y’all come read what I say because you know I’m a keep it a hun’ed for y’all. And I don’t intend on changing what I do. You might’ve read what the movie “critics” said about Frank Miller’s 300 and thought “Well, maybe it’s a waste of money.” I’m here to tell you that I do not agree with what these so called “seasoned” critics say of this…this masterpiece. And while 300 will most certainly fail to make a run at any Oscar award next year, rest assured that it will definitely become a cult classic in the same class of a Clash of The Titans, Scarface and even Mean Girls. You know what I’m saying! This is a movie that was made to fulfill the three guilty pleasures of man: blood, sex and violence. If this movie ain’t do that for you, then there must be a hole in your soul because this is what a man’s movie is all about.
The movie takes us to the 480 B.C. Battle of Thermopylae where 300 trained-to-kill hardbody Spartans (Who all hail from Brooklyn, NY. They just moved to Sparta to live in peace. They left that part out of the movie) got down for the crown against a million Persians who were looking to take over their land. Being led by the highly disciplined Spartan King Leonidas (Gerard Butler), the army of 300 embarked on a mission to keep their land free and their families futures bright. Kind of like what George Bush is doing in Iraq, except the opposite. But unlike the Electoral College elected president, King L is smart, charismatic, brave in the heart, disciplined, and best of all – he fights his own wars! I must say, the character of King Leonidas is so gangsta that I guarantee that you will hear a few rappers reference themselves to his likeness. The same way they referenced their characters to that of Keyser Soze; Tony Montana, Nino Brown, etc. they’ll be trying to find a way to align themselves to the heart of King Leonidas. Oh, I’m sorry, did I ruin that for all your half-assed MC’s? Good.
And talk about a “ride or die bitch”! Queen Gorgo (Can you really call her name while making love and still feel like a man?) was like the Ma Baker or Whitney Houston of the ancient times. She very sexy, smart, mean, and was so dedicated to her man (Ok, except for the dedicated to her man part. Whitney possesses none of the aforementioned qualities) that she – well, I don’t wanna spoil it for y’all. But she did something that I sure as hell wouldn’t approve of my wifey doing, but I understand why she did it and I respect it. That’s all I’m gonna say about that. It was pretty foul though. McNulty, you son of a bitch!
But it wasn’t just the severed limbs or the Matrix like battle scenes or even the nudity (King L had the biggest breasts in this movie. So you know the nudity was whack) that made this movie a cult classic. It was the cinematography. The way the director used light and shadow to give this cast of warriors more character and rage in their faces. Don’t get me started on the monsters and Immortals that the Spartans had to take on. That gave the movie an even more fantasy like feeling, and made it way more interesting and enjoyable. It wasn’t no Lord of the Rings, but it wasn’t no lame ass Jason and the Argonauts either. Whack ass movie. Worst free movie I ever got. And the king of the Persians was a larger than life type character. No lie, he must’ve measured about 9 feet tall. And not only was he 9 feet tall, but the kicker was that he was 9 feet of pure tootie fruityness. That’s word to everything, this dude could easily be the king of the Greenwich Village. Only Lance Bass or Dick Cheney could give him competition. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But on the reals, the Xerxes (Gay king) character actually made the movie a lot more interesting. All he wanted was for King L and his Spartans to “kneel” before him. Now, why he wanted them to “kneel” is up for debate. Some say he wanted to be praised as a God and others say he wanted to be praised in the same manner a groupie praises Elton John.
Anyway, this movie gets 4 Hardbody Gangstas.
I would’ve given it 5, but truth be told the story wasn’t that deep. It was a classic man flick, but it wasn’t a classic movie. These warriors are fighting for their land and freedom but we never get to know why they feel the way they do. It’s like they’re fighting just to represent their land, and not to actually preserve it. The dialogue wasn’t that bad but it wasn’t great either. What made the dialogue exceptable was the way that King L and his warriors spoke. Mostly with anger, but at least it was with a feeling. Unlike Christian Haden’s bitch ass in Star Wars I-III. You bitch a$$ ni99a! But the movie was visually spellbinding, violently raw and very exciting. Even Rick Ross made a guest appearance about 10-15 minutes into the movie. Now when you have a rapper dressed down in Egyptian like garments, you know it’s something special.
68 Responses to “Movie Review: 300”
Mar.13 at 11:00 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
I will see this movie 8 hours for now and I will kill everyone outside the theater as I am commanded.
Another classic review Omar!
And you people get your new and improved gangsta scale as you requested.
Mar.13 at 11:25 am
Ryan Jones says:
“…these so-called ’seasoned’ critics…”
F*ck these salty crtics! Get ‘em O!
Mar.13 at 11:40 am
Max Airington says:
Yeah there was no plot development or much dialogue, but that’s what made it so dope!. O, who would’ve been the 5th gangsta? String? Avon? Mouzone?
Mar.13 at 11:51 am
Omar says:
The 5th Gangsta will be revealed hopefully when Spiderman 3 drops. If not then well then i don’t know what to tell you.
Mar.13 at 12:01 pm
Reggie Evans says:
King Leonidas, Classical Gangsta.
Mar.13 at 12:17 pm
Omar says:
LOLOL. Sam be tripping hardbody. I believe him too. I once saw him mix M&M’s in a bucket of popcorn. Straight savagery!
Mar.13 at 12:18 pm
albie1kenobi says:
ahhh the return of Gangsta. i’d even call it upgrade.
Mar.13 at 12:32 pm
Gilbert0 says:
That was a completely exceptable review.
Mar.13 at 12:58 pm
dpak says:
now we know what mcnulty was doing with all his spare time.
Mar.13 at 12:58 pm
dpak says:
the only bad part of the movie was the narrator.
he was annoying.
Mar.13 at 1:00 pm
Max Airington says:
O, the people are still waiting for the Gangsta Hall of Fame. Who else will properly honor Frank Miller, Wee Bey & SJo but you? Well I would, but then I’d be quite the biter. Make it happen.
Mar.13 at 1:05 pm
Omar says:
Word. I’ll make a Gangsta Hall of Fame. I keep sleeping on that. And Dpak, that narrator wasn’t all that bad. I mean not everyone can be Morgan Freeman with it.
Mar.13 at 1:13 pm
jbn74sb says:
300 = Braveheart 2007. Just a dope f-cking movie.
Mar.13 at 1:16 pm
Chou says:
Frank Miller is gangsta.
Mar.13 at 1:50 pm
Nine XXVI says:
The movie is alright in my book. The overkill of the slow-motion technique killed it for me and the narrator was a pain in the ass. The photography was good though and read the graphic novel after the movie. Watchmen, anybody?
Mar.13 at 2:30 pm
mutoni says:
the homo-erotic undercurrent was prevalent as fuck (the evil king rocking the eye makeup; the two soldiers in the Leonidas camp who were flirting), but you can’t deny this movie’s bad-assness.
Mar.13 at 2:41 pm
J says:
People need to realize that the story is being told from the perspective of the narrator telling it as a campfire story to other soldiers. When you see it from that perspective you can see why Xerxes was like 9′ tall and things like that.
Mar.13 at 2:56 pm
DLinkWit says:
The “homo erotic undercurrent” of the film was probably no accident. Greek men of that period slept with each other more than their wives. They each had a young soldier in traing that was as much a boy toy. They were homo as hell.
Mar.13 at 3:06 pm
jbn74sb says:
Mutoni - Not that this would be dispositive, but weren’t the two “flirting” soldiers you’re referring to father and son? You know, not in the Catholic sense, but in the biological sense.
Mar.13 at 3:14 pm
Celtic Fan says:
This movie was off the chain!
a total testosterone movie need more reviews from Omar though.
dude’s been slackin’
Mar.13 at 3:17 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
They are allegedly making a Watchmen movie with Edward Norton as Rorschach. Looking forward to seeing 300 in 4 hours.
Looking forward to Spiderman 3.
Very nervous about Transformers.
Mar.13 at 3:49 pm
Capital P says:
Rick Ross… LOL. I thought the same thing…
Mar.13 at 3:59 pm
mutoni says:
jbn74sb, i wasn’t referring to the father and son. it’s the two soldiers who had “each other’s backs” that i was talking about. it was most obvious when they were building that wall of bodies.
Mar.13 at 4:00 pm
Wil O says:
Why hasn’t anyone mentioned the greatness of TMNT?
Mar.13 at 4:49 pm
Khalid Salaam says:
Speaking of Transformers, has anyone seen a promo? Or anything that would lead you to believe its gonna be as hot as well hope its gonna be? They are gonna F it up, watch….also i’m gonna try to see 300. anyone seen Zodiac? Seems like it could be hot.
Mar.13 at 5:02 pm
deestarbuckz says:
They have the Transformer bit on DailyMotion Khalid. I can’t link it from here… damn government firewall… but it does not look like it goes as hard as S3! You see a few bits of the Decepticons and Autobots… Tyrese… and a lil bit of rah rah and ray ray. It does not make you say “YO! I have to see that!” I was more interested in seeing exactly what Unicron would do with Megatron in the animated joint!
Mar.13 at 5:02 pm
Colin says:
Yeah Omar on 300! I was gonna see it anyway but I was still waiting to hear your voice! I’m also wondering who the 5th gangster is if Omar is #4.
Mar.13 at 5:03 pm
Nine XXVI says:
Please stop with the “homosexuality emphasis” bull. If you’re crying about your insecurities with that, then take my word for it, you do not want to read the graphic novel. What is this, ESPN? And I understand the emphasis of the narrator. But as far as simple filmmaking goes, he does not have to narrate everything that happens on the screen. That’s just annoying. Transformers is coming on in July, and I’m ready for Spider-Man 3.
Mar.13 at 5:31 pm
» Links: Dallas, Bernie B, Snitching, MoPete - SLAM ONLINE says:
[…] Omar came by today to bask in the glory of his 300 review and said that I “be lookin’ tired as sh*t.” I was going to explain to O what it means to have a full-time job, but didn’t want to get into it. I’m so far behind on “24″ right now that it’s laughable. I actually have four episodes saved on my DVR, and I’ve just got to find a free evening to catch up. Problem’s been that the last few weeks I’ve worked all day, then had to go home and write something else or edit something or whatever…just haven’t had a chance to completely veg on the couch. […]
Mar.13 at 7:08 pm
gpg says:
omar, da gangsterest of ´em all
Mar.13 at 7:27 pm
Tariq says:
Transformers…I was excited about this back in the summer, then I heard that Megatron was now some kind of plane instead of a gun. Also, Jazz was my favorite character back in the day because he was a Porsche. Now he’s a pontiac. That’s not a good sign.
Mar.13 at 7:29 pm
Tariq says:
Megatron and the Washington Bullets…both victims of political correctness/Foucauldian discipline theories.
Mar.13 at 7:59 pm
Omar says:
Damn, Lang. Anytime he could shove it in my face that he has a job and I don’t he will. He has what I like to call “the bird” complex. Lang always trying to shit on anyone he flying over.
Mar.13 at 8:13 pm
deestarbuckz says:
If Megatron is going to be a damn plane… what are they going to do with Starscream? They could have at least made Megatron the tank from Gen 2. Soundwave was always my fave.
Mar.13 at 8:19 pm
rdp says:
300 was simply nuts
Mar.13 at 8:36 pm
Omar says:
That’s word, i think Transformers might be ok, but anything Tyrese chooses to be in ends up being as mediocre as his Black Ty persona.
Mar.13 at 9:09 pm
spurtz says:
luv the wire gangstas
Mar.13 at 9:27 pm
nacho says:
good review omar, I agree the movie was dope. not spellbinding as some are deeming it, but a very entertaining flick nonetheless. but 07 is shaping up to be one hell of a year for movies, i mean u got TMNT later this month and we got spiderman 3 (venom stand up!!!) pirates 3, harry potter 5, transformers (which is gonna be dope, check the trailer on its website) and the simpsons movie!!! im gonna be at the theater all summer beleive that
Mar.13 at 11:05 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
just got back from seeing the movie.
Find me a Persian and I shall end his life with my sword!!!
I liked the movie a lot even if there were some glaring historical inaccuracies.
I wouldn’t be worried so much about what Megatron transforms into as much as what they’ve doen to his face as a robot. If you’ve seen the photos, you know what I mean.
Mar.13 at 11:42 pm
deestarbuckz says:
Apparently he transforms into a Stealth jet and Starscream into a F-22 Raptor. And yea Sam, I have seen the pictures of Megatrons face, and it’s horrible! It’s supposed to be based on G1 series Transformers and all the pics I have seen do them no justice. Just like Prime is a long-nosed cab in vehicle mode.
Mar.14 at 4:42 am
gazza says:
Well, the Iranians will surely be pissed when they see this one…
Mar.14 at 5:46 am
James says:
Ill say it now - Transformers is gonna suck. Why? Because from what i’ve heard - THERE IS NO SOUNDWAVE! he was a beast! He was the best thing about the transformers. And hell, you could have replaced with cassettes with a CD or minidisc player or something!!!
Mar.14 at 5:51 am
James says:
*his cassettes
Mar.14 at 5:52 am
James says:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6446183.stm When will these people learn, ITS JUST A FILM!
Mar.14 at 7:58 am
Sam Rubenstein says:
The Iranians actually do have a point. 300 could be seen as racially divisive and it does have strong pro-staying the course in Iraq messages. But it’s still a very enjoyable movie and above all, it’s entertainment.
Transformers without Soundwave is straight up RACIST.
Mar.14 at 9:19 am
deestarbuckz says:
They wrote Soundwave out, saying he didn’t fit into where the script was heading. WTF? Soundwave was the only Decepticon that remained loyal to Megatron. They will probably have Jazz’s voice done by some bird like Nicholas Cage or some chyt…
Mar.14 at 10:12 am
James says:
“American cultural officials thought they could get mental satisfaction by plundering Iran’s historic past and insulting this civilization,” he said. “Following the Islamic Revolution in Iran, Hollywood and cultural authorities in the US initiated studies to figure out how to attack Iranian culture. “Certainly, the recent movie is a product of such studies.” Sam - There may be a small point for Iran to make. But what it says above is completely absurd. They are suggesting that the American government made this film to 1) feel good about themselves by making fun of Iran and 2) to attack and disrepute Irans culture throughout the world. Whereas im sure the real reason is that it was made by a film company in order to make shed loads of money. And on the Soundwave front - Im sure they could have put him in. Megatron needs to have his giant shiny boots licked by some brown nose. Who better than SW!?! Plus he had that badass robot voice
Mar.14 at 11:06 am
Reggie Evans says:
Fifth gangsta should be Optimus Prime
Mar.14 at 11:26 am
DNows32 says:
When Xerxes first came into the movie, me and my friend just looked at each other and said right on queue “John Amaechi”. And trust me, it got a few laughs from the rest of the movie goers. But, yeah, other than Xerxes this movie was badass as hell.
Mar.14 at 12:02 pm
chobez says:
great review. You have your own webpage specifically for reviews
Mar.14 at 12:08 pm
James says:
Fifth gangsta should really be Rodimus Prime!
Mar.14 at 12:19 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
The death of Optimus Prime in the cartoon Tranformers movie was the most painful tragedy in the history of cinema. Especially when you’re a little kid and you don’t know what death is.
I suppose the Iranians are going a bit too far. You could also argue that the Spartans were a terrorist cell, moving without the approval of their nation and promoting death on the battlefield as a way to get to heaven, a Jihad if you will.
Mar.14 at 1:27 pm
Omar says:
The cartoon Transformer movie was gangsta. Along with the GI Joe flick. But this real live action Transformer movie could very well suck. I will be seeing that though along with The Simpsons, Spiderman, Pirates, Fantastic Four 2, and any other movie that seems worth $10. I hope Grind House is gangsta.
Mar.14 at 2:21 pm
ajpenny says:
You gotta review Black Snake Moan cuzin.
Mar.14 at 3:17 pm
mark says:
I am gonna check this out tonight - despite Omar’s review and political idiotology he likes to throw in — Omar - next time I look to you or George Clooney or Rosie or any other clown with a platform — it will be the first time.
Mar.14 at 5:18 pm
Mr. 416 says:
I was waiting on Omar’s review to see this cause the only review I got was summed up from one scene where and I quote ” then he kicks dude in his chest and he falls down a hole…A HOLE GUY,where does he go” the fif gangsta should be Bodie R.I.P.
Mar.14 at 5:56 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
They showed a Spiderman 3 preview before the movie. It looks really good.
The question about the hole will not be answered for you.
Mar.14 at 8:05 pm
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
Nine and Sam, I obviously don’t know what this latest Watchmen project will amount to, but it’s good to keep in mind that the novel has spent something like 15 years in Hollywood development hell, even having been greenlit a bunch of times, if I’m not greatly mistaken. And is it just me or is it kinda weird that all you grown-ass guys seem to have the taste of 14-year-olds when it comes to movies? I’ll watch anything entertaining, but… The Transformers? Really?
Mar.15 at 5:39 am
James says:
Slobodan - Personally for me the attraction is that i WAS 14 (and younger) when i watched Transformers. It was part of my childhood. So the attraction of the movie takes me back to those good old days when i didnt have to worry about paying my rent or getting to work at 8AM every day. Now if you were talking about a move of Digimon or Dragonball Z or that dude whos a pharoah(?) with the playing cards that become monsters - those are films i really really wouldnt give a toss about
Mar.15 at 7:04 am
Slobodan Chutzpah says:
Fair enough, I’m a sucker for nostalgia too. I must’ve missed the train completely on The Transformers since for me it’s almost like getting excited about a Pokemon movie. I guess I’m just an old grump.
Mar.17 at 1:23 pm
dre says:
just got back from watching 300… i’m so ready to name my future son Leonidas
Mar.19 at 1:06 pm
Omar says:
Hey Dre, you stole my idea!!
Mar.20 at 12:26 am
dre says:
it raining, so i brought an umbrella to the movie theatre. anyways, when the movie ended and we were walking out… i was near the back of the crowd in the hallway. the crowd was moving sloooow, so i got a huge urge to just go 300 on these fools and spear the sh|t out them with my umbrella and start clearing the path. would have been fun.
Mar.20 at 3:41 pm
Jonas says:
I am related to these guys and i will do the same if i am requested in the war on terror!
Mar.21 at 3:43 pm
Omar says:
LMAO! Dre, you be bugging, kid. That was funny as hell tho.
Mar.23 at 2:00 pm
Mike says:
300 was the bomb bitches!!! Even my girlfriend uttered this memorable phrase “Mike, you say this all the time and it annoys the hell out of me, but THAT WAS GANGSTA BITCHES!!!” And that about sums it up.
Apr.8 at 12:09 am
MIlly says:
The movie was awesomely wicked. But is it me or were those two guys flirting. it was hot. lol 300 soilders thats really amazing in so many ways.
Apr.21 at 1:00 am
Omar says:
Them dudes was totally flirting. But 300 was still some gangsta sh*t!