Duke Hating: An Inane Waste of Pastime
Tonight’s that night where Duke sucked. Really.
By Ben Collins
This happens about fifty times a year.
ESPN plays its jingly noise and tells me that it’s switching its coverage from the game I’m currently watching because Duke is losing in some place where they really shouldn’t be. And I get giddy I like a school girl at an Ashlee Simpson concert.
It happens about as often as some spot starter on the Orioles or Devil Rays or some terrible small market team taking a no-hitter into the sixth inning, everyone in the sports world flipping out and doing that ensuing full-scale sprint to the nearest functioning TV. The kid, who is usually just a career-long reliever that happened to string together 20 good at-bats, eventually gives up a big fly to the other team’s pitcher and loses the game by seven.
I can’t really consider this a tease; I know the outcome going in and just opt to suspend the disbelief that someone or some team this tragically mediocre could do the remarkably infeasible. I can consider this, though, an inane waste of a pastime.
But it’s worth it. Every single time. Because, every once and a while, we get a night like last night.
The no-hitter happened. Marquette was the pitcher. Dominic James, a 100-mph fastball, was the out pitch.
That’s not to call Marquette a mediocre team, either. And Dominic James — the ACC Rookie of the Year — shouldn’t be anywhere near that “mediocre” word. He did happen to have his coming out party last night, scoring 25 points without even playing in the last few minutes because of an unkneadable cramp, and lead a Marquette to a 73-62 win over the Blue Devils.
But this was not supposed to happen. And it sure makes the night of everybody in the country when it does. Even that of our beloved Associate Online Editor Sam Rubenstein.
“One of my favorite teams is whoever is playing Duke,” he said. “I know it’s obvious to hate on them, the Coach K backlash is at an all-time high right now, and Vitale makes it even easier, but I’m not afraid to hate on an easy target. And usually I try to avoid piling on like that. Whatever.”
And it is. Beating up on Duke is trite. It’s overdone. It’s probably even a little annoying at this point. It’s all of that.
In fact, ESPN interrupted what was actually the game of the year so far in the UCLA-Kentucky standoff, which, unlike the Duke game, came down to the final minute. They did it simply to show a Duke team’s long, torturous struggle with a Golden Eagles squad with which they had ultimately indomitable matchup problems.
So should I stop this seemingly senseless Duke hating? Yeah, probably. Will I? Absolutely not.
I go to a Division-III college(go Emerson Lions!). I have no team to root for. So I think I speak for the vast majority of us, who either have no alma mater or have one with a basketball team that is primarily comprised of players who are still “too short to ride this ride,” when I say that I root for America’s team:
Not Duke.
Not Duke has a horrible winning percentage, so we’re always the underdog. Winning seven games would be a good year for us and points to a nice job of our invisible AD and literally transparent coach sucking up to the schedule maker.
We have the catchy unanimity of the Harlem Globetrotters, but we refresh our material every few years. (We are, in the long run, made up of the sarcastic and the ones who are a bit too attention deficient to follow one team.) We can connect with the relatively ordinary players on mid-majors more than we ever will with any NBA-bound Blue Devil.
But, most of all, we have faith. Blind, stupid, incredibly dumb faith.
And that’s why, when we hear that ESPN jingle during the game of the year, like Pavlov’s dogs, we jump and dart to the remote to turn up the volume button just in case our favorite team is on.
Because, even if it’s not the best basketball game of the year, there’s always millions of people all across this country praying for an average pitcher with a barely good-enough out pitch.
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Now onto some BabyLinks. (I mean, um, Shaving Points? Do we really want to call it that?)
- Sorry for not alerting you guys of March in November tonight, but this early season tournament stuff is the best you’re going to see until March. Teams are post-gel mode and pre-midseason lull. Catch the end of the Maui Invitational — UCLA-GTech — tonight at 10 before teams slowly stop caring until early-Spring.
- Now that they’ve finally lost, can we officially declare that Memphis was overrated to begin with? The Tigers were ranked 11th in the country going into the night o’ good tourney matchups, but that’s only because they beat up on perennial SWAC powerhouse Jackson State and barely slid past an Oklahoma team that just so happened to lose to Purdue. Oh, and Oklahoma team whose only wins came against Norfolk State and Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University.
So, through the transitive property, Memphis should be in the same league as the school of the guy who once said, “If you’re not a born-again Christian, you’re a failure as a human being.” There’s gotta be a ceiling on a school like that.
Back to the point, this is a Memphis team that starts three sophomores and a freshman and they’re one spot away from being a top-10 team?
There’s only one logical excuse for this: voter hangover.
Remember the best story of that guy in college/high school/elementary school (some of my friends had, apparently, very bad parents) who had one or three or 55 too many and woke up three weeks later in North Dakota with a full beard? Well, there’s a poll voter equivalent to that. Some of these people must have woken up a year later with a ballot in their hands, swallowing raw eggs with the shell as a chaser, assumed Rodney Carney and Darius Washington were still on this Memphis team and pencilled them into the top 11. John Calipari is a talented guy, but I’ve seen 5th grade travel teams with more developed starting lineups.
The best thing about the second week of the season is that this type of thing sorts itself out and the wrinkles in the polls get flattened. Georgia Tech rallied from 16 down and had a 62-point second half (seriously) to beat up Memphis on national TV Tuesday night. They were outrebounded 29-19. That’s why teams this young should never be ranked this high. Tenacity comes in, oh, a year or two.
- Are they ever going to call warding on Josh McRoberts? Remember offensive hooking fouls in the post? No? OK. Gotcha.
- I would figure that, if you’re the coach of the Prairie View A&M Tigers, it’s acceptable to laugh at the game tape of the 94-33 Florida loss on Tuesday. Then you try to find a way to burn the game tape before the AD finds out. Because, otherwise, I think this conversation occurs.
Byron Rimm (Coach of Prairie View A&M): “Yeah, we scored, uh, 14 points in the second half.”
Robert Atkins (AD of Prairie View A&M): “They still play games without the shot clock?”
And that’s just, you know, awkward.
- I just made fun of Jackson State, but they beat a team last night in a real conference (Rutgers, Big East). Not that that matters.
- Also something that you don’t have to pay attention to, either, but the best, sheerly mathematical team in the country right now is Clemson, who has six wins and no losses and had their best win yet last night against Mississippi State.
My bet is they run the table. Listen to this fluff schedule from January 6th to February 24th: Georgia Tech, Duke, BC and Maryland twice and one more at UNC. 30-0, baby! Hop on the bandwagon!
- As I said, UCLA-Kentucky was the best game no one saw. But the lack of TV coverage was worth it, as I explain by cheaply plugging my first Duke hatred column this year (see above). I probably won’t be able to count how many I do this year. Feel free to share your Duke hating experiences, or reasons as to why I’m a sissy bandwagon-hopper below in ‘Comments.’
33 Responses to “Duke Hating: An Inane Waste of Pastime”
Nov.22 at 3:49 am
abelp says:
first!!!!! duke sucks!!!
Nov.22 at 4:38 am
Boing Dynasty says:
I’d like to thank David Stern, for screwing Toronto out of Allen Iverson, and now Greg Oden.
I sentence you to be miniturized, and live between Damon Jone’s toes for the rest of your natural life. I also motion to get the term “Napolean Complex”, officially changed to the “David Stern complex”. Anyone with me? Fuck you then, im going to sleep then.
1
Nov.22 at 11:10 am
H to the izzo says:
“It happens about as often as some spot starter on the Orioles or the Devil Rays or some terrible small market team taking a no-hitter into the sixth inning, everyone in the sports world flipping out and doing that ensuing full-scale sprint to the nearest functioning TV. The kid, who is usually just a career-long reliever that happened to string together 20 good at-bats, eventually gives up a big fly to the other team’s pitcher and loses the game by seven” -I have no idea what that means.
Nov.22 at 11:33 am
Ryan Jones says:
Sheshefskee likes little boys. Probably.
Nov.22 at 1:36 pm
Sam Rubenstein says:
I love it when espn switches to a game where Duke has a chance of losing. I hate it when they put Duke’s first round NCAA tourney game on, even though they’re up 40 in the first half.
There’s a warm spot in my heart for anyone that plays well against Duke in a big game. Tyrus Thomas and Rip Hamilton can do no wrong, just to name a few.
That Florida score was crazy, and it was kind of close there for a while in the first half.
Nov.22 at 1:46 pm
Ben Collins says:
Yeah, it was tied 15 up, then they went on a 743-2 run or something. Don’t post something at 2 a.m. and post it, by the way. Fixing typos this morning was like walking through mine field.
Nov.22 at 1:51 pm
Rick Kang says:
Duke is weak because it represents the “smart” white player “playing the right way”, graduating, etc. — all the stuff that interested parties (i.e., College b-ball broadcasters) trumpet in opposition to the NBA. Unfairly or not, Duke is the posterboy for COLLEGE as some HOLY and PURE PLACE of LEARNING and HIGHER SPIRITUALITY or some shit. That’s why they get the hate — until they players reach the L — then they get love (EB, anyone?) — except J.J. (J.J., meet Rex Walters, Rex, meet J.J.)…. But yeah, Duke sucks. Every game they lose is another reason to live….
Nov.22 at 2:17 pm
BETCATS says:
FUCK DUKE. Carolina fan 4 life, and now that duke is only average cameroon indoor is gonna be on shut-your-mouth mode
Nov.22 at 4:02 pm
allenp says:
The SWAC used to send teams to the Sweet Sixteen, and has several players in the NBA.
Nov.22 at 4:41 pm
Ben Collins says:
Oh, by the way, that’s a photoshopped picture on the left that I found hilarious. Boing, that Shaving Points reference was for you. Nothing? Oh, quick BC joke, by the way: What’s the difference between Atlantic City, Las Vegas and the BC locker room? You can bet on football in Atlantic City. (Huh-ho!)
Nov.22 at 4:42 pm
Ben Collins says:
AH, I blew that joke. You CAN’T bet on football in AC. My God do we need an edit button.
Nov.22 at 5:01 pm
BETCATS says:
its okay
Nov.22 at 5:20 pm
BETCATS says:
and great picture making coach k look like a Nazi in the picture
Nov.22 at 5:47 pm
BETCATS says:
hello? holla Boing Dynasty? Bojur french people? Gotamorgen Germans?
Nov.22 at 5:51 pm
Jereme says:
James was the Big East freshman of the year. Not ACC. How’s the for respect.
Nov.22 at 5:59 pm
Boing Dynasty says:
My bad, Ben missed that.
You really should though(Babylinks?)
1
Nov.22 at 6:54 pm
Dick Dixon says:
Hey Ben, you need to watch ACC basketball much, much more (”Dominic James — the ACC Rookie of the Year” ??). Just don’t skip English class to do it (” Some of these people must have woken up a year later…”)Or switch to Carolin and go to Betcat’s class where they only need one verb
Nov.22 at 8:50 pm
Legit46 says:
Georgetown… dats All i gotta say out of da blue
Nov.22 at 9:24 pm
BETCATS says:
Boing whats up bro ready to type in some hate on me.
Nov.22 at 9:24 pm
BETCATS says:
Legit46 what up
Nov.22 at 11:46 pm
will lang says:
Way to build some credibility….
Nov.23 at 6:57 am
jemstar says:
Dominic James was the Big East rookie of the year, not ACC
Nov.23 at 10:47 am
ken burgess says:
If you’re going to steal a photoshopped image from my website, you could at least give me a link http://www.truthaboutduke.com
Nov.23 at 10:56 pm
Ben says:
I was in Kansas for SLAM (an assignment that had nothing to do with the CBE Classic) so I decided to go. I was working on typing up the notes I took when I realized our man Ben Collins had it covered. A few highlights:
-the Municipal Auditorium that hosted this thing was awesome: art-deco design, no overhead scoreboad, great sightlines. It was more like Radio City Music Hall then a basketball arena. Of course, this was the last year that it would host the tournament; next year it will be at some disaster called the Sprint Center.
-The often-loathsome Jay Bilas was right when he wrote a week ago about how college hoops needs a real opening day. All these tournaments (not counting old standbys like teh Maui and preseason NIT) come up at the same time, with improper promotion and confusing coverage. Ben Collins is right that there are some great games now, but they’re often tough to follow and played by teams that haven’t gotten in the slightest rhythm. At least by Dec. 5th’s Jimmy V doubleheader at the Garden (Cuse-Ok State and Louisville-Arizona) team’s will have played a few games and every college fan in the land will have a feel for the season.
-All of Marquette’s guards are good, but Dominic (pronounced like the Human Highlight Film) James is on another level…as Duke learned when he repeatedly got in the lane.
-Duke’s inability to stop James was a big reason for the loss, but I was also surprised at how much the Devils struggled on offense. Josh McRob is one of the most talented players in America and DaMarcus Nelson started the game off on fire, but neither of them–nor Greg Paulus, nor Lance Thomas, nor any of their other highly touted players–was willing to take over when the team really needed a bucket, and that hurt them.
-Whenever Martynas Pocius does something I’m reminded of the funniest team name in the ACC Fantasy Hoops League I was in last year: Hocus Pocius…Yes, I need to get a life!
Nov.24 at 3:12 am
Ben Collins says:
Ken, sorry about that, I thought I’d hotlinked it in the comments section. I’ll go ahead and credit you.
Nov.24 at 11:05 pm
Joe says:
Hey legit46, how often does Georgetown compete for a national title. I’ll answer that for you. Never. I wasn’t even alive last time they were good. And to the rest of you, you have just proved that basketball is dead. The reason everyone hates Duke is because they are good, they play hard, and they don’t play a bunch of one on one with 8 on floor spectators. They play real basketball, as a team.
Nov.26 at 1:16 am
luke says:
d james was big east rookie of the year…not acc, dumbass
Nov.27 at 4:00 pm
J R says:
north carolina wins agian this year. duke = garbage!!!
Nov.29 at 3:27 pm
Fast White Man Brad Price says:
First of all i feel Duke has earned this honor and there are more randomly placed Duke fans in the nation then any other school. Duke you either love or hate them and i think some people would rather see Duke lose than see a game like UCLA/Kentucky
Nov.29 at 10:08 pm
» SLAM College Top 10 - SLAM Online says:
[…] Just missed the cut: Washington (5-0), UConn (haven’t played a real team yet and are way too young) (5-0), Duke (and I write this with a wide smile on my face) (5-1), Not Duke (1-5) […]
Nov.30 at 12:41 pm
Robert says:
Duke will be good by the end of the year, unfortunately. And in McRoberts his crop has a player what makes JJR look humble. Duke is the eternal villain, and endlessly fascinating as such. At once JR on “Dallas” and Lucifer in Paradise Lost. I BEGGED my daughter not to go there, just because of their BB team. She went to Columbia, where being a smug sports overdog isn’t a problem.
Feb.25 at 9:19 am
iceman7215 says:
duke is good. they have a lot of young guys and they are maturing ryan jones, you and your dad like little boys. for all i know
you are the next michael jackson
Feb.25 at 3:35 pm
iceman7215 says:
anyway, whats up with the fat lady holding the sign that says “i left illinois to look for more food”? its probably true. now i figured why my dad moved from illinois to nc!